herradura

Just went and bought groceries without purchasing the 2 30 packs of miller lite. Walked right past the wine section as I don't care for it. Getting the groceries upstairs was a lot easier when I did not have to carry the beer, and the refrigerator, the beer fridge is now full of melons and vegetables which used to have to be shoveled to other fridges.

I guess I am lucky to not have any physical cravings for alcohol, at least not yet, but it has only been 4 days. What frightens me is what I am going to have to do to change my thought about doing everything I do. I go fishing and it is fun with a cooler of beer. Driving to the ranch is awesome because I grab a 12 to head up and drink on the way and then there is always a fresh 30 in the "beer fridge" up there. Social things are fun, especially when I warm up with a few whiskys and then pace the night with beer, unless there party throwers are real drinkers, then I get staggering drunk.

Virtually everything I do, except going to church revolves around booze. Today is my wifes birthday and I will make her an awesome dinner of homemade pasta and a languistine white sauce, but this time without drinking a bottle or two of wine while cooking, then having great beer with dinner, and finishing off the affair with a Scotch.

Have gone days before without drinking, but I always knew I would and could drink in the coming days. this is a mental shocker to me. Was going to clean out the garage and I always have several beers while I do it for an hour or two and then concentrate on the drinking and leave the garage in worse shape.

It feels like all of my activities are dependent upon drinking. I have in the past two years slowed down with drinking, because I can control it... No, I cant control it because I cant stick to the plan once I take a beer out of the fridge. My focus when drinking is to get to the stage where I am drunk as soon as possible, then focus on maintaining the drunk, or increasing it, never decreasing it. I used to decrease it and go to bed sober, now it seems I often take a beer with me to bed.

Have a lot of time to do things these last few days, clean up stuff that otherwise is left alone since I am either drunk or too hungover to do it and there is always tomorrow to do it.

Anyway, this is going to be an interesting ride. Cant believe how good I feel in the morning. When I drink I don't sleep, then the next day is used for sleeping and finding the right concoction of food to make me feel better.
I am going to give it a week and check my weight as it has gotten progressively worse the last few years. I have to believe I will lose weight from the lack of feeding the hangover.

I hope everyone is doing well.

PurpleKnight

For me I needed to recognise that things were not "awesome" or "fun" because of alcohol, it was a myth, I simply drank myself into oblivion, the romanticism of activities was far from the reality in hindsight!!

I needed to separate myth from the reality!! . . . dreaming about a future event was different to the actual event taking place in the present!!

It's gonna take many changes to your routines, but it can be done!!

Buggirl

You can do it! I am trying too!

SoberComposer

You most definitely can do it! I completely understand the myth idea about the awesomeness. That alone has been my major obstacle for the last 8 years of being aware I had a problem, trying to moderate, giving up and then trying again. So many cycles of that am I am done. No more illusions. I may die from this if I dont quit now. Even if I didnt eventually die from liver disease my life would be unbearable. It is most assuredly Not awesome! Take care and best of Luck!

herradura

I want to be clear, I don't think it is awesome to drink. Like someone else said, the idea of what is going to happen is not the same thing as what happens. I think that drinking makes things so much better, when in fact it makes things which should be enjoyable on their own, only meah. I have gotten to a point the only time I feel good is when I am in the first stage of drunk. If I could hold that stage and then get better I would be able to drink. Problem is there is a Vulcan death grip on my spine after I have had a few drinks and it makes me drink more, lots more.

It is not awesome to have to get lubed up before you leave the house. Travel is not very fun when all you are worried about it cold beers and wondering why it takes the damn server so long to bring one, so they you order them two at a time. Visiting nice places and remembering only that the beer was not cold, not very good, and very slow service is not something to take pride in. When we travel we spend 1/2 a day site seeing and the other half in a pub or bar. When the trip is over the only solid memory was the people in the pub and the beer.

The other less than awesome parts of drinking too much is when you get to see people you have not seen in years and do fun things and only remember you got so damn drunk they left you, or you left them. Going to concerts and not even remembering one song, not cool.

Just fixed birthday dinner for my family for the first time in 19 years without drinking anything other than ice tea. Hope this stays positive. Tuesday is my hardest day to not drink. I think it is because on Saturday I get so drunk I am too sick to drink on Sunday. Then Monday comes around and I need to stop drinking so I don't, then it is Tuesday and it is time to put the drink on. Wednesday is slow, then Thursday is pre weekend drink, then of course Friday and Saturday are full bore. Drinking hard three days a week and being undermotivated/hungover three days a week really means a guy has a problem and that is why I am here. I appreciate the comments.