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Old 08-05-2014, 01:01 PM
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remember!

I had a codie realization

When someone asks you the simple question "How are you?", how do you answer it? (out loud or even in your head?)

For me, I will always answer with how my ABF is doing, what he is angry/upset about, doing, looking forward to. I have completely forgot about me.

How am I? What am I feeling this very minute? am I even aloud to think that?

Yes. Remember, We have feelings. Real ones, that matter.
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Old 08-05-2014, 01:11 PM
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Remember, We have feelings. Real ones, that matter.
We do. And it's an interesting -- and telling -- thought experiment.

When someone asks me that question, I say "Good --" and if they want more, I start telling them about the kids. But for me, it's not because I don't acknowledge my feelings (I've learned to do that since I left AXH). It's because my feelings are too complicated. If I were honest, I would respond, "I actually am not sure how I'm doing. It's all very confused in my head and heart right now. But thank you for asking."
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Old 08-05-2014, 01:19 PM
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I do the same thing. My therapist doesn't allow me to talk about him at all. I can only talk about myself and what I am feeling. It's a completely new way of thinking & I like it.
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Old 08-05-2014, 01:31 PM
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Blossom,

Go ahead and bloom! Glad you are here and learning fast!
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Old 08-05-2014, 02:12 PM
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I had a really hard time knowing what I was feeling or putting a name to it. For a very long time, how I was completely depended on how AXH was. Just in case it'll help, following is a thread that I started to try to help myself start naming it beyond must "mad" "sad" "happy":

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ay-i-feel.html

Lillamy provided a great link to a list of feeling words in the thread, too.
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Old 08-05-2014, 02:33 PM
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I've recently started counselling & although we talk about him & what's been going on she always asks how I feel about things then throws in questions about me so although I may be talking about the situation I'm focusing on my thoughts and feelings which are very conflicted but it's good as sometimes I don't know how I feel!
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