Coming Clean. Feel like such a loser.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 64
Coming Clean. Feel like such a loser.
I started on this site Oct.2012. Here's what's going on. Might be all over the place but here goes. I'm 27, didn't start drinking until I was 23. 2 years of everyday drinking, and I quit cold turkey Oct. 2012. Felt like a million bucks, and didn't drink for almost a year I think. I don't know why, but started again, and did well moderating for a very long time. Then it hit 5 days a week, then 6 days. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was only taking 1-2 days off a week. No withdrawal besides shaky hands and minor insomnia. I suffer from anxiety/panic disorders anyway ( that I refuse to medicate.. too scared of becoming addicted). I go through a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka every 4 days. I'm stopping. TODAY. I am shaky, I'm sweaty, I know I'll sleep like **** for a few days, but I want to change. I take vitamins everyday, eat and drink normally all day long, but drink vodka and diet Dr. Pepper from 8-12 pm. Reading about withdrawals has put off me stopping. I'm scared to death and my anxiety isn't helping. I can't do inpatient detox, and dr's around here will NOT give withdrawal meds to do it at home. I'm just scared. On the days that I would take a night off ( would go almost 48 hours since last drink) the only symptoms I had was shaky hands. Either way, I'm done today. Hoping for the best withdrawal wise. Wish me luck 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Good decision to quit, you've been through it before so you know what to expect. Hang in there, it gets better. When you were sober for that year was there anything you did that helped you achieve it? It's never too late to start again. You want to change, that's the main thing 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 64
I don't have a primary Dr. So I know if I just called one up, they wouldn't give me anything anyways. No, I didn't do anything to achieve it, I just quit, worked out everyday. Kept alcohol in the house ( husband is a normal rum drinker, but I wouldn't ever touch rum or beer so it wasn't a trigger). I just need to do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 64
I'm just hopeful right now. I got depressed (trying to sell our house), that still hasn't sold, and started drinking more. How stupid of me. I was doing just fine moderating, living and loving my life, then boom. The decision was mine, and it's my own fault. I think I can do this again, and hopefully my withdrawal isn't bad. I've got age on my side, and I'm drinking less than 2 years ago. Thanks for all the replies. For 2 weeks now, I've been on the site everyday, finally just bawled my eyes out and posted.
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