I got this....
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I got this....
Tomorrow I am driving to New York. Seems like a simple thing to do. It's not.
I am in Maine for a significant reason. Life in New York with who I was with was a death trap.
We don't always get second chances. So when something greater than me extends a hand to lift me up I don't say no. I am now responsible for making things better for myself. I have been charged with my own recovery. I have not been perfect since the start this next leg but I have been very good for months now.
My life has become about what trails will I try an conquer this weekend. What food should I make and take to those that can really use it. I am damn lonely. Maybe because my life has so few bar people in it. And everyone else has a jump start on living life that I don't have a place in anyone else's routines. So I sit the sidelines. Sit there long enough and coach will put me in. He has to. Everyone gets to play right?
Why go back? Some unfinished business. So why deal with bar people? Because they are literally across the street from where I will be. They can see my car and me as I visit. And because when I left last October about 40 people came to say goodbye. I always wore a white t-shirt. I don't know why. But everyone of them came in a white T. They even got one made up for me with the bar name on it. They had a big spread of food. They blew up a picture of me and they signed the edges. Like wow. They blew my mind with kindness.
So I am going to bring 15 fresh Maine lobsters off the boat. They are going to cook me up for lobster rolls and bisque. Do you think that's foolish? Don't. It's strategic.
Picture a dozen people all asking me to stop by for a drink? Really? That's just to much. But since I am having this get together at a specific time a few hours just before I leave to come back home I get everyone in the same place at the same time and not drag it out. I get to say thank you for the kindness you showed me. I get to say no to drink offers because I have to get back for diabetic Henry the cat. I get to control the situation. Not be controlled by multiple possible points of failure.
Every other moment has a plan to it the entire visit. A nice day in NYC Friday that I will share on the weekender. I have all known phone numbers blocked on my cell so in case someone talks I don't get calls. I won't answer my phone the entire time. No need it will be off.
I will be starting the weekender thread on time and stay close. And I have all of you. There is no such thing as over preparing for situations when going back is not an option.
I am preparing less for me and more for what others will do. Triggers are triggers for a reason. They are unpredicted little things that make us change our minds. Or try to change our minds. Account for the ones I know and I have all my energies left for the unexpected.
When I started to realize the true extent of my addictions from sleeping half naked on the front porch in January … To standing crying outside work and begging for help from God and my therapist because I was still to wasted to go inside. I didn't know what preparing was or how to do it. I have learned all this on the backs of those on SR that have come before and those that read about even this morning.
I think I will wait until the ride back Saturday morning to feel. No sense I muddying the waters with emotions of a time gone by. I will feel it. From the faded bloody hand print that only I know is there. To the visit with a coworker where many a meltdown took place.
Thank you SR for the love and support. Now…. Let's do this.
I am in Maine for a significant reason. Life in New York with who I was with was a death trap.
We don't always get second chances. So when something greater than me extends a hand to lift me up I don't say no. I am now responsible for making things better for myself. I have been charged with my own recovery. I have not been perfect since the start this next leg but I have been very good for months now.
My life has become about what trails will I try an conquer this weekend. What food should I make and take to those that can really use it. I am damn lonely. Maybe because my life has so few bar people in it. And everyone else has a jump start on living life that I don't have a place in anyone else's routines. So I sit the sidelines. Sit there long enough and coach will put me in. He has to. Everyone gets to play right?
Why go back? Some unfinished business. So why deal with bar people? Because they are literally across the street from where I will be. They can see my car and me as I visit. And because when I left last October about 40 people came to say goodbye. I always wore a white t-shirt. I don't know why. But everyone of them came in a white T. They even got one made up for me with the bar name on it. They had a big spread of food. They blew up a picture of me and they signed the edges. Like wow. They blew my mind with kindness.
So I am going to bring 15 fresh Maine lobsters off the boat. They are going to cook me up for lobster rolls and bisque. Do you think that's foolish? Don't. It's strategic.
Picture a dozen people all asking me to stop by for a drink? Really? That's just to much. But since I am having this get together at a specific time a few hours just before I leave to come back home I get everyone in the same place at the same time and not drag it out. I get to say thank you for the kindness you showed me. I get to say no to drink offers because I have to get back for diabetic Henry the cat. I get to control the situation. Not be controlled by multiple possible points of failure.
Every other moment has a plan to it the entire visit. A nice day in NYC Friday that I will share on the weekender. I have all known phone numbers blocked on my cell so in case someone talks I don't get calls. I won't answer my phone the entire time. No need it will be off.
I will be starting the weekender thread on time and stay close. And I have all of you. There is no such thing as over preparing for situations when going back is not an option.
I am preparing less for me and more for what others will do. Triggers are triggers for a reason. They are unpredicted little things that make us change our minds. Or try to change our minds. Account for the ones I know and I have all my energies left for the unexpected.
When I started to realize the true extent of my addictions from sleeping half naked on the front porch in January … To standing crying outside work and begging for help from God and my therapist because I was still to wasted to go inside. I didn't know what preparing was or how to do it. I have learned all this on the backs of those on SR that have come before and those that read about even this morning.
I think I will wait until the ride back Saturday morning to feel. No sense I muddying the waters with emotions of a time gone by. I will feel it. From the faded bloody hand print that only I know is there. To the visit with a coworker where many a meltdown took place.
Thank you SR for the love and support. Now…. Let's do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Wow Weasel, your strength and dedication is so evident in your words. You are right, you got this. Don't let down your guard for a second, but you have a good, strong plan in place. We are all here for you.
Oh and, if I am really, really nice will you bring me some Maine lobsters too?!?!?
Enjoy your sober visit to NYC. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Oh and, if I am really, really nice will you bring me some Maine lobsters too?!?!?
Enjoy your sober visit to NYC. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Isn't it funny/peculiar Ken? I dream of New York and you are going, well, going back. I am supporting you every mile of the way there and back.
Can I make a suggestion? When you get home to Maine, could you maybe start a Friday night dinner club? People could eat lobster. The deal would be that when you come to dinner (your home or elsewhere) you shell out for a lobster, you wear a white t-shirt and you bring a pal. Nothing defeats lonely like eating around a table.
Ken, this Aussie is coming along for the ride to NY -- virtually.
Can I make a suggestion? When you get home to Maine, could you maybe start a Friday night dinner club? People could eat lobster. The deal would be that when you come to dinner (your home or elsewhere) you shell out for a lobster, you wear a white t-shirt and you bring a pal. Nothing defeats lonely like eating around a table.
Ken, this Aussie is coming along for the ride to NY -- virtually.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Wow Weasel, what a well thought out post and underlying plan! I am still learning from all of you here at SR and this morning, reading your words, I have gained more strength from you.
Best of luck on your visit. I know that you not only can do this but you need can make this a good experience as well. Look at how far you have come since those days in the past. They are still part of you, but don't define you any more.
Take pride and strength in your efforts and decisions, you have come a long way on the his tough road. Come back here often and keep us posted.
Best of luck, we will be right here waiting for your return.
Best of luck on your visit. I know that you not only can do this but you need can make this a good experience as well. Look at how far you have come since those days in the past. They are still part of you, but don't define you any more.
Take pride and strength in your efforts and decisions, you have come a long way on the his tough road. Come back here often and keep us posted.
Best of luck, we will be right here waiting for your return.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Marcher... I will post pics from the city on the weekender. Join in.
Sober clover.... I was also in your town in VT last year. Love the place! Enjoy the city. I will be walking from penn station along the west side down to battery park and the tower and around and up TriBeCa and back to penn station. About a 8.5 to 10 mile walk. I love the city and the energy. Have fun.
Thanks for the support.
Sober clover.... I was also in your town in VT last year. Love the place! Enjoy the city. I will be walking from penn station along the west side down to battery park and the tower and around and up TriBeCa and back to penn station. About a 8.5 to 10 mile walk. I love the city and the energy. Have fun.
Thanks for the support.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Very shrewd and finely planned, Ken. I think you will end up enjoying the visit overall. You will have much more confidence in your growth and strength when you are done. I think it will be a bittersweet Saturday, for sure--but now it will be a little more sweet than bitter. The ice will be broken.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 160
I am originally from Maine, and was living in NYC for the past year, just left 3 weeks ago. The drive is an easy one, have done it many times. I think the reason you will be so successful this weekend is you have a solid plan for every moment you are there. You have made the decision already to NOT drink under any circumstances. I feel a relapse is usually a premeditated one, if you we are completely honest with ourselves. It's giving in to the imagination of how great a drink will feel. The reality is NEVER what we imagine. You have definitely got this! You can enjoy the city and your weekend without obsessing about alcohol, and if you are going to slip. I would say take a walk through Central Park as well, that was always a place of gratitude for me because it is so beautiful and inspiring. Enjoy the lobsters as well, my all time favorite food!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Weasey, you are NOT the same person that left Massapecqua? Farmingdale? (i forget)....I was watching Theresa this past weekend and thought of you throughout....(oy, can't she get a less tacky nail job, it screams Staten Island).
Even if the best laid plans go a little skewed, you still have a good strong foundation and your rights will be respected. scrub the handprint off the wall for yourself.
and how about a nice filet mignon whole on the grill to mate with the lboster? (ShopRite should have them on sale now).
Even if the best laid plans go a little skewed, you still have a good strong foundation and your rights will be respected. scrub the handprint off the wall for yourself.
and how about a nice filet mignon whole on the grill to mate with the lboster? (ShopRite should have them on sale now).
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Miss Fandy... I do know I am not the same but I am the same. If I took that first drink I would be exactly the same person... The same drunk person.
It's only in my being sober I am different.
Theresa is over in Hicksville. A town or two away. I did see the show this weekend. She needs to dice it up a bit. Next weeks looks better.
Thanks again everyone. I know this is not something I am doing alone. I feel the support.
It's only in my being sober I am different.
Theresa is over in Hicksville. A town or two away. I did see the show this weekend. She needs to dice it up a bit. Next weeks looks better.
Thanks again everyone. I know this is not something I am doing alone. I feel the support.
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