Thatdeliveryguy

The chronic relapser I am, I've learned to just say to myself in my head " so you relapsed, get on with life and don't even give thought". What I learned is get on with being sober, forget the past remember the future, the future is all we got. Getting some time under my belt and realizing relapse is relapse sober is sober, but if you relapse those feelings of guilt, safe hate and so forth will only fruther drive to drink. Just forgive you, and move on. Believe this chronic relapse expert, just forgive, forget and try for sobriety again. Relapse, I say, so what, get on, get up, forgive and move on. TDG stay safe and sober friends.

Raider

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I too have relapsed from time to time. While I agree with the basic idea of your post.....I would caution anyone relapsing not to be flippant about it, but to take some time and try to figure out why, and try to avoid that in the future. Relapsing is very serious and should be taken so.

In my opinion.......

Elodie

I agree with you somewhat: DEFINITELY forgive yourself. But don't forget.

Sometimes it's important to remember the bad times so we don't get complacent, as long as it doesn't influence our present decisions in a negative way.

Thatdeliveryguy

Sorry, don't be flippant about recovery, do be proactive about your relapse forgive and move on. Sorry for any misinterpretation.

Thepatman

I get what you mean. Learning from a relapse is not helped with feelings of shame, remorse, etc. those feelings only destroy an Alcoholic's self esteem.

I think being self accountable, patient, and like Raider said to learn on the deep reasons why the relapse occurred is key. There is a fine line between the 2.

My 20 cents ;-)

sillysuzanfree

Actually I would say the present is all we've got! The future remains to be seen.

Dee74

You can see why people have characterised this as flippant tho, right TDG?

I think you need to have a commitment to not drinking again.

If you break it, you need to be comitted to learning the lessons from that, and to making the necessary changes in your recovery plan so it doesn't happen again.

Being responsible and pro-active is a lot different to beating yourself up

D

Thatdeliveryguy

Dee74 absolutely, but I see issues is people being indoctrinated into a system of hey you can't drink no matter what, and if you do damned be you! An over reaction to a situation that can be totally innocuous. TDG is working AA, is atheist and is beginning to adopt the steps to himself, but damned be thee situation, who have just lost stitutuation, nobody should eve subscribe to that, you matter, you aren't a failure for relapse, life will go on, and you just have to focus on sobriety today.

That is what I meant Dee, so what if you drank, I mean really so what? The problem occurs if you can't stop and don't know how to seek help. Yes, amongst alkies that is in issue, but the message I am conveying is, life sucks, being sober sucks ( yes I said it), but being sober is so much better. If you want to get sober, then work through relapse, relapse isn't the end of the world. Not being flippant at all, and never intended to be, but one beer doesn't have to be 20, EVER! However, many people get depressed and hurt after relapse and use that as an excuse. That doesn't have to be an excuse, they should be positive about themselves, and move forward relapse is common in recovery.

Dee74

When I drank again I couldn't stop, so advice like that could kill me, or drinkers like me.

That sounds like you're still clinging to the illusion you have control over your intake?

relapse is common in addiction, not recovery. It's like saying chicken pox connote health. They do not.
It's a sign of prevailing illness.

You're trying to make this into a 'don't beat relapsers up' discussion and it's really nothing like that at all.

Drinking kills.

If you're going to be a sober cheerleader, make sure your cheers are worth it, man.

D

biminiblue

"Relapse is common in recovery."

That is giving yourself permission in my opinion.

Carry on with your bad self. I'm going to make my recovery work for me - not against me. I'm going to stand tall and say "No" every single time I am tempted or every single time I want to drink. Like today. And yesterday, and several times the day before. And the hundreds of times it has crossed my mind in the last five months. It isn't easy, but I never never never never never want to go through getting clean again. Ever.

I have many consecutive years of sobriety to look back on and know in my heart of hearts that it is worth it.

desypete

many people who relapse dont get another chance to quit again

if i relapsed again after 10 years sober i am under no illusions i wouldnt just relapse for a day or a week and simple get back off it again

i will return to daily drinking and getting drunk over and over again and end up waking up in police cells or losing my job and my money

so for me a relapse is deadly

it might not be so deadly for people who havent progressed in there drinking and they might very well get away with it time and time again

but whats to say these people will not get into a car one night drunk and kill someone ?
or they fall asleep and set the house on fire killing people around them
or they fall over drunk in front of a bus ?

if your an alcoholic like me then once you take the first drink then anything can happen and normalcy will happen.

why do people treat a relapse like its nothing at all ? it could be the last time they ever drink again as they could end up in any sort of drunken mess
or do people think it will not happen to them ?

i base it all on others experiences that i have heard over all the years i have been around plus my own experiences

how many people have i heard saying if only i didnt drink last that night then this wouldn't of happened

ESD907

I think I understand your thought,??? maybe???? My take is keep trying and a year sober is better than nothing? and if relapse lasts one day, and you get back to sobriety. But I find the SO what comment very flippant. I personally don't want to think like that. Its not like being on a diet and factoring in the calories to have an ice cream treat on Friday night. Which will only set me back 1/2 day on my weight loss goals, we are talking something that could ruin his/her life and the lives of others. and to go on what DESYPETE said," how many people have i heard saying I didn't drink last night then this wouldn't have happened"....Have you ever heard anyone say.. I wish I drank last night..... Has that statement every come out of anyones mouth? EVER?

Mairie

The problem with saying 'so what', is that it doesn't stop you having to go through 5-7 days of withdrawals yet again, any more than eating during the night, doesn't count as calories.
I am aiming this at anyone, who reads and thinks 'oh well, so-and-so has relapsed, therefore it's ok for me to drink'

Nuudawn

Although I'm certain you are well intended TDG.. but something here ruffled me a bit the wrong way also. Relapse is serious. It kills momentum and it weakens the psyche..and yes, most importantly as desypete notes..some don't make it back. Sure, they might come back for a day or two and post their "ooops and oh no's" threads..but that doesn't mean they are remotely close to finding sobriety again.

And I am a huge fan of how Dee's discerns the difference; relapse is common to addiction but it's a possibly lethal dagger in the gut of recovery.

Relapse should scare the hell out of ya. It's freaking dangerous to ourselves..and very often, others. It IS a big deal. We can all empathize but as much as we applaud those who stand up again after a fall...we are all secretly fretting inside about whether or not this person is truly going to make it back. Will they make it? Is this a new beginning..or the beginning of the end?

Venecia

Exactly.

TDG, while I assume your heart is in the right place, your posts this evening give me pause.

Relapse is dead serious.

SR offers us a great opportunity -- a gift, really -- to put addiction in our pasts. With any opportunity comes responsibility. I hope you take a few moments to contemplate what you're giving back here. Because although the intentions may be earnest, the reality of telling people with addictions "so what" when it comes to relapse is void of responsibility.

Tough words, I know.

slipped

It just sounds like a self fulfilling prophesy to say that relapsing is no big deal. I don't ever want to relapse. It took an inordinate amount of effort to get to where I am today. I'm not sure I have it in me to do it all over again. Why would I risk it? For one I 'm afraid of the kindling effect.. Every time you relapse your body has a harder time detoxing. The physical withdrawl symptoms become worse and worse.
Detoxing is no easy matter. It can kill you. It is physically hard on your body. I hope I never forget about how hard it was to get to where I am right now. I don't ever want to have to do that again. I think it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

That being said. It took me 4 tries of about 3 months each to get to the 5 years I have now. If I had let those relapses get me down and not tried that one more time I wouldn't have the 5 years I have today.

airwick

Relapse scares the H*** out of me, and I expressed how I felt about it in past posts I hope everyone has a wonderful evening!

ReadyAtLast

Relapse is dangerous and should not be underestimated. Each time I did it I found it much much harder to start again.

If someone keeps relapsing it's not really recovery or relapsing it is just keeping on drinking with the odd day off.

Try18

A wise woman told me "We all have another relapse in us, but we don't all have another recovery."

Croissant

TDG...who are you trying to convince here? Us, or yourself?

Really, I'm asking the question?

Let's say...I now take on board what you say. Say you are right. Hey, if I drink tomorrow, it doesn't matter.

Is that logical? Nothing about my drinking, NOTHING about it it is predictable. I could have one, as I plan to, or once it's in my system, be fooled and end up on a bender.

And you are posting that there's no harm in that?

Maybe your drinking hasn't caused you enough problems to scare the F--k out of you yet, but it has me. I'm done, mate.