Try18

I need to make a phone call regarding something I did during my most recent binge. I completely broke the trust of someone who had relied on me to look after someone else, that someone is vulnerable and needed my care and support. I chose to drink and leave that person. Sounds a bit vague (it wasn't a child in my care btw.)

Either way what I did was wretchedly irresponsible. I feel physically sick about making the call. I know I need to own it and take responsibility. Sorry I just needed to share. I would never have behaved this way in a million years had I not picked up, the person in question knows this. Still, I drank, and I did.

Sorry does not suffice.

Dee74

In AA they leave amends until one of the later steps. I see the sense behind that.

Unless it's imperative you deal with this now, if it's making you ill, or it may not be received well right now, why not wait a little Try?

D

Try18

Thanks Dee. I would think it best to show amends through action first before approaching people. But it is pretty imperative I deal with this one. I think I make things worse for myself by overthinking the conversation and playing it out in my head. I'm pretty riddled with anxiety naturally, so as you can imagine when a situation that justifies it comes along it jumps off the scale!

Dee74

I think amends backed with some action is best, for sure...

but you have to do what you feel is best Try - remember there's always support here if it turns out rough - I hope it won't

D

Try18

No point avoiding the inevitable. It won't kill me to make the call. The way I see it is the guilt can continue to eat me up or I can straight out deal with it. Does that make sense?

Update: made the call, left a voicemail. Will try again later. Was shaking!!

Try18

Well I did it. And the outcome was not what I dreaded and expected. There is a lot to be said for total honesty.

Meraviglioso

So good to hear Try. I've had to make many of those phone calls and boy are they rough. But I have found what you found, the outcome is not nearly as bad as what played out in my head. Now to keep on proving ourselves with our actions.

Try18

Thankyou.

Indeed, the proof lies within the action. Was at a meeting this afternoon and left feeling full of hope. Didn't want to go. But went. So it seems my mantra has to be do the opposite of what you want to do!

PurpleKnight

Great to hear it all went well Try!!

Wastinglife

Alcoholics are also in need of care and support. I could barely feed and bathe myself during my worst drinking period so the thought of having to be responsible for someone else's well being while I was an active drinker is insane. Focus on helping yourself first!

Try18

When I'm actively drinking I'm useless to man nor beast. In sobriety I love helping other people - in fact I thrive on it. This situation arose out of something I voluntarily do sober. Unfortunately it coincided on this occasion with a binge, so I acted horribly out of character and it was obvious to everyone I had slipped.

I received some tough love in response but love nonetheless. That I do struggle with as despite the anxiety I guess I do expect people to reject me.

I don't think I do very much work on looking after myself even in sobriety. Probably something else to think about!