iamthird

DD6 was looking for pictures to fill up her frame. We started looking through old pictures. Just made me so sad over the loss of our family. Sometimes I wonder if separated AH ever even thinks of those happy times. I just balled on instant! DD6 asked me "whats wrong?"...I told her I just missed the times our family used to be together but our lives are different now. I dont want separated AH back. He is actively drinking, living it up with new enabling gf he cheated on me with. But Mourning the loss of our marriage and the man he was before all the abuse...alcoholism really destroys families. I am praying for my entire family tonight....

allinon

I'm so sorry.... I understand how you feel. I have pictures up on shelves in our living room. I look and can hardly remember who we were as a family back then.

You're being strong though and setting a great example to your daughter. When she is older she'll understand what she should and shouldn't accept in a marriage/relationship.

Hugs to you tonight!

Catherine628

Looking at old photos is like a kick in the gut for me. It makes me so sad seeing how involved he was back in the good old days.

killerinstinct

Yes I had one of those moments too the other day... It's such a shock when you look at them
and you see how happy you all look
in the photos and you think to yourself... What on earth went wrong? How did it go from that to this? Your heart will mend in time x

queenapple

Yup. I have 44 years of pictures and memories like that, and now they're all tainted by what I didn't know then. It's like my whole life has been negated. It's hard.

hopeful4

I find it hard to look back at pictures. I was looking at pics of my little daughter at the park the other day, I remember that day vividly, I took her to the park to get out of the house and away from my XAH who was home drinking and I just could not be around it.

It makes me sad to know how many bad memories are tied to times like that. I look at Xmas pics and think of the anxiety I usto feel around all the holidays, waiting for the drunken shoe to drop.

This year will be different. I don't have to worry he will ruin my holidays anymore.

fedup3

I look at all the pictures of 39 yrs of marriage but I look at me not him and think how could I have been in such denial!

ladyscribbler

My mom made picture collages for my sons last Christmas. There are hardly any pictures of me with ds5 as a baby because I was the only one who ever bothered to take pictures. Another picture my son picked for his collage is of him and daddy, and every time I see it all I can think about is how drunk my ex was in that picture. I hate it.

NWGRITS

Any pictures with my AM are usually from our "family vacations," and I look absolutely miserable in almost all of them. Disney World was the unhappiest place on earth for me as a kid. Every vacation was tainted by AM's shenanigans. And then there's her always looking so smug, convincing the outside world that she was anything remotely close to a mother. I am determined to make the best memories for my family and have pictures we will all love looking back on in time.

SeriousKarma

I'm still trying to reconcile the two halves of my 22 year marriage. The first half I was pretty damn happy, alcoholism aside. Ignorant, perhaps, of the power of this disease, but happy.

I don't know if it was alcoholism alone, or alcoholism combined with constant military deployments and an undiagnosed TBI, but somewhere around the 10 year mark things started to get wonky. Lot's of booze, lot's of women. Lot's of crazy.

So now I'm left with a dilemma. Do I let the second half color the first half? Was I just deluding myself into thinking things were as good as they were? Ten good years is a pretty decent stretch of "good" years to toss by the wayside. And even the second twelve haven't always been that bad.

What I've come to is this, and it somewhat, in a strange way, ties into my signature line regarding forgiveness: Love is love. It's a good thing. Best not to question it too much, but after doing the exact opposite of that ad nauseam for the past few years I've realized that, it's not that my husband didn't feel love for me, it's that he didn't value our love.

He simple isn't capable of it.

That being said, I'm trying to remember fondly the time we shared together, and let go of the hurt.

queenapple

I'll be so glad when I can say this and really mean it, without all these overwhelming feelings of sadness-- sometimes for him!

iamthird

My pictures were actually happy pictures. I think we stopped taking pictures as the alcoholism progressed. It really is just like a death. I forgot what his smile looked like! DD6 actually said "we were a happy family!"....WERE being the operative word. Guess Ill chalk it up to a bad night and keep moving forward!! Need new pictures!!!

caboblanco

if you don't like pictures don't take any...that's what i do..i mean last time i checked I still had a memory

unease7

It causes me to be filled with resentment just out of the blue sometimes I will remember something like struggling and sacrificing to take kids to the beach for a vacation the whole time he is telling me we can't afford this (he makes it clear he cannot help pay for any of it) He does however pay our mortgage every month.We each have bills we are responsible for and separate checking accts.then later I find out he has not been paying the mortg but he has been spending over $100.00 a week at the liqueur store.It is because of things like this that when he says he loves me and me and kids mean the world to him it makes me physically sick and I just want to punch him in the mouth.