OldSkool

Hello all,
Yes Im struggling. I dont even know how to act when im not drinking. The subject line says it all. When im not drinking, no words can come, no humor, no nothing. Its a pitiful sight. Give me a few beers and im cracking jokes, making people laugh, etc. The thought of sobriety makes me feel like a scared little kid who gets beat up everyday in school. Even my dogs look at me funny when im not drinkin. Sad shape to be in. I hope i dont bring anybody down, Im just being honest here folks. God Bless you all.

Old Skool

Squirrely

One of the biggest obstacles I've faced for years trying to get sober is wanting to be fun, not a nervous killjoy. But I think it's something we need to learn...being able to remain a carefree fun loving social being without alcohol. I believe we can do it!!! Give yourself time and space to learn. <3

Tonymblue

You did great. Keep it going.

SoberHoopsFan

You'll re-learn more social skills in sobriety, I've been a little awkward in small talk myself at events where I would usually be drinking. It's getting better though.

And the truth is, we all think we are funny, witty and charming while drinking, but to a sober person we are probably anything but. It's easy to make other drunks laugh, I doubt any of us were really saying anything of value or substance.

Squirrely

GREAT point. Through my battles with the bottle I've attended a few things sober when everyone else was drinking and thought "my god this is annoying! " I'm going to recall this now whenever I'm going somewhere like that!

Jade1224

It's a struggle. I am on a journey to find myself again. Once upon a time I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. But then alcohol came into the picture and it numbed me.

My personality was overshadowed by anxiety and unstable emotions. Hangovers caused me to be depressed and lazy. Being drunk made me party and do wild things. None of that was the real me.

The real me has so much to offer. I like to read and write. I love my family and friends. My values and priorities come from the real me.

It takes awhile to find yourself again. You might not like what you see at first but it's the first step to rebuilding your life. You have to pick up the pieces and it can sometimes be a long process.

Dont give up

Croissant

But is it really social interaction when we don't remember most of what we said after a certain point, OldSkool?

I guarantee you are most likely dead boring after about an hour. (No offence )

I vividly remember the first party I went to, sober. I knew no one. There was a sadness in me as everyone ordered their drinks, and I just wanted that "I don't give a rats who I talk to", confidence. I make friends all over the place when I'm drinking.

Well, within an hour or so, the people I was sitting near, were repeating the same stuff over and over again. And back at each other. They didn't even know or care if I was witty or charming.

These are hard hurdles to get over, no doubt. But eventually, you just have to put it in perspective. As I say, maybe you were funny the first hour...but really, is that worth justifying drinking?

I came to the decision that it wasn't.

OldSkool

Thank you all. its still hard. arrggg

Dee74

My idea of social interaction was either painfully shy when sober, the loudest voice in the room holding forth on every subject under the sun, or prostrate, puking, or otherwise passed out.

It took me a while to learn how to deal with social situations - heck it took me a while to accept that I'm a shy guy and that that's totally ok.

If you've only been sober a little while, it's gonna take a little while longer to get this sober mojo rollin'...but the best skills always take a little work.

D

DefconOne

Go to some meetings (AA). Ask some questions of folks and don't feel like you have to talk about yourself unless someone asks. Most people liked to be asked questions its a subtle form of flattery. Don't try to 'act' and be phony. One thing, I've known a lot of drunks who thought they were cool, but were bores and didn't know it. The alcohol made them feel cool and comfortable but it was a mirage that burned off in a hangover.

SnoozyQ

OldSkool , you will definitely get past this hurdle , it really does get easier .

It doesn't happen overnight , but you will actually get to like the sober you .

It's way better and more interesting than a drunk you .

I wish i knew that before my drinking career !

Meraviglioso

I can relate to you oldskool, I have been feeling the same way. I don't know who I am sober and don't know when I will figure that out. I have been trying to carry on and still do the things I used to do, now without alcohol but it is true that I am different. People over the weekend were commenting "you seem so tired" "you are so calm tonight, do you feel ok?" things like that. But you know what? It was weird and awkward and uncomfortable at times, I didn't talk much or dance as much or whatever, but I felt really proud of staying sober despite that. I woke up the next morning not having to race through my mind trying to piece together bits of memories, searching for where I made an ass of myself or pissed someone off or did something horrendously embarrassing. I didn't have a hangover. I felt physically good. i didn't suffer from the crippling depression, guilt and shame that I always suffered after a night of heavy drinking (oh, let's be honest, that was every night). To me it is worth it to fight through the social awkwardness in order to reap the rewards of staying sober. I hope you will consider this too. I know it is difficult and painful but you can do this. Stay strong.

PurpleKnight

It's gonna take time to learn how to be social without alcohol, It didn't come straight away for me, but at the end of the day we have to weigh up which is more important!!

You can get through this!!

least

Welcome! It takes a while to relearn social skills. Give yourself some time to get used to being sober. It will get better.

Eddiebuckle

OldSkool, I don't know if it makes it any easier but what you are experiencing is totally normal for early sobriety, and IT DOES GET BETTER. If you are interested in the physical changes that happen as we recover, pick up a copy of Under the Influence by Milam & Ketcham. It really helped me through the first few months to know what was happening and why, that I wasn't losing my mind (I had my doubts), and that it was temporary.

What you are feeling right now isn't what sobriety feels like at one year. This is NOT what the rest of your life is going to be like.

EJ43

Hi OldSkool! Things will change for you. As you feel less shaky, both mentally and physically, you will rediscover this thing called CONFiDEnCE! PRiDE and comfort in your own skin. It seems when I started to care more about myself and less about what others thought is when I started to be myself again. I like that person better and I bet others do too! Hang in there, things will improve! I read that over and over in the beginning and thought, yeah right, not for me, this blows, but I am starting to see it!

Weasel1966

OS... Lots to learn about the life of a drunk here. One thing you might want to look at is the addictive voice in you. Sounds like it's the only one speaking. Telling you that even the dogs are thinking you are less fun.

We both know that's not the case. That's your addictive voice speaking.

Yes it's true. We are not the same as when we drink. But I can be sure that when I thought I was the life of the party I was really the ass that could not shut up.

I mourned my drinking.... Still do. Get a plan and stick with it. You will see changes.

Mountainmanbob

that is interesting
I used to share often regarding my dogs
they could tell when I was drunk
yes -- they gave me that certain little look in their eyes

I don't think that my dogs were happy to see me in that condition

could just be self deception yet again
your dogs may actually prefer you sober

MM

aasharon90

I realized over the yrs. sober, that drinking
made me fake, not the real person. Yes,
alcohol gave me all the good stuff, I thought,
laughter, motorvation, sexy, and soooo
much more, but was ALL FAKE.

With 23 yrs sobriety and living a program
of recovery each day, I like ME. I like the
person I was born to be. And you know
what, I know I can't please everyone, and
I don't care, because it's not my concern
how others feel about me. All that matters
is that I like the kind, caring, humorous,
loving, understanding, forgiving, all still
a work in progress to the best of my ability
that I am today.

Honest Happy Healthy

A 55yrs. young woman who loves to ride
on a motorcycle free in the wind, living life
on lifes terms, and enjoying all that life
offeres to me with Faith and hope and a
program of recovery taught to me to pass
on to help share with others struggling with
addiction themselves.

Under all those layers that will be peeled
away with time and clearing away the clutter
from the past that we've been carrying on
our shoulders for so long, to melt away with
some work from a program of recovery. There
that remains will be YOUR TRUE SELF. A
humbled, caring, loving, person you are
meant to be.