On a lighter note positive things on the home front (perspectives from an RAW)
On a lighter note positive things on the home front (perspectives from an RAW)
Since hubbie and I both regularly read this forum I did want to share some happy news and good things happening in my marriage though in the event it helps anyone here.
First I am eternally grateful for Al-Anon. Hubbie has jumped into it with two feet and for the first time in a very long long time I feel like he is able to focus on himself and get emotional support HE needs. This relieves a lot of pressure I've felt to be his only support system and it is immensely freeing to me when I just don't have it to give. Unfortunately there are things in my life where even in my sobriety are giant stressors that he has no control over (every three month monitoring for cancer recurrence sucks the LIFE out of me). I'm so glad Al Anon is providing support for him.
I also deeply appreciate the self introspection hubbie has dug into. Its very very ironic that in the past week as I've been digging further into the Al-Anon reactions to family I find myself not flat out co-dependent but I relate very much to some of the "trying everything you can to avoid anger, acting out" which I've done on far too many occasions. I'm having to dig further into that piece of our marital dynamic and take ownership of my own finding ways to detach with love when the circumstances call for it. In turn however hubbie is finding himself relating to some of the behaviors of alcoholics which is an interesting turn of events. I deeply appreciate that recognition. In turn however that is also making me WANT to go dig more deeply into attending meetings (admittedly I'm finding my emotional home in a SMART recovery group though) which in turn is also becoming a positive thing for us. We still have a long way to go but honestly a few months ago we were both ready to throw in the towel on the marriage. Now personally I feel a heck of a lot more hope than I ever have. The fact that I soldiered through the trigger of all triggers for a relapse and DIDN't though also gives me some self confidence in myself which is a very good thing.
Rambling here sorry but kinda wanted to share.
Peace:-)
First I am eternally grateful for Al-Anon. Hubbie has jumped into it with two feet and for the first time in a very long long time I feel like he is able to focus on himself and get emotional support HE needs. This relieves a lot of pressure I've felt to be his only support system and it is immensely freeing to me when I just don't have it to give. Unfortunately there are things in my life where even in my sobriety are giant stressors that he has no control over (every three month monitoring for cancer recurrence sucks the LIFE out of me). I'm so glad Al Anon is providing support for him.
I also deeply appreciate the self introspection hubbie has dug into. Its very very ironic that in the past week as I've been digging further into the Al-Anon reactions to family I find myself not flat out co-dependent but I relate very much to some of the "trying everything you can to avoid anger, acting out" which I've done on far too many occasions. I'm having to dig further into that piece of our marital dynamic and take ownership of my own finding ways to detach with love when the circumstances call for it. In turn however hubbie is finding himself relating to some of the behaviors of alcoholics which is an interesting turn of events. I deeply appreciate that recognition. In turn however that is also making me WANT to go dig more deeply into attending meetings (admittedly I'm finding my emotional home in a SMART recovery group though) which in turn is also becoming a positive thing for us. We still have a long way to go but honestly a few months ago we were both ready to throw in the towel on the marriage. Now personally I feel a heck of a lot more hope than I ever have. The fact that I soldiered through the trigger of all triggers for a relapse and DIDN't though also gives me some self confidence in myself which is a very good thing.
Rambling here sorry but kinda wanted to share.
Peace:-)
Thanks. Nice to hear you guys are going strong and putting so much effort into healing yourselves and your relationship. It's really good to have this type of input from the other side of the street, and your contributions to other threads are always so thoughtful and informative.
Plus your avatar makes me smile. Very cool.
Plus your avatar makes me smile. Very cool.
Thank you for your post. I like it when the A's and the R's share. Respectfully, of course. I wish my AH would use this site and share. I wish he would stop shutting me out too. Lol. I want to go home. I want us to be a family again. I want this all to go away.
What a great update. I can remember the relief I felt when I realized I was not responsible for being my husband's "sponsor." It is just too much. As a spouse on either end, you need space and a support system.
Carry on with the good work!
Carry on with the good work!
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