patricia68

I am stuck in this dark hole of depression for the past few days and I can't seem to get out.

Exactly a year ago my drinking got out of control. It was when I went from a glass of wine or two at dinner time...to straight rum for breakfast.

I've had weeks of sobriety, weeks of "controlled" drinking...but here I am a year later still struggling with this addiction.

And I'm tired. I just want to crawl under a blanket and wake up when this is over.

I need a tow truck to pull me out of this mud I got myself stuck into.

I don't want to fight this demon anymore, but I don't want to go back to drinking.

Is there hope for me? Am I going to feel at peace ever again?

Sorry for the depressing post, I feel ashamed of spreading all this negativity here, but I have no where else to go, nobody I really trust to seek for help...

trachemys

What depressing post?

Go see your doctor if you haven't yet. Lay it all out and ask for some medical help. That's what I had to do to get any relief.

PurpleKnight

You're Sober right now and that's an achievement to be proud of!!

With more time the cloud and fog of alcoholism will lift, it gets easier as time goes by!!

For the first few weeks/months I didn't feel like doing much, but then after a while I got my spring back in my step and life seemed to change from this depressing place with little hope to one with so much potential and excitement.

But it's going to take time and energy to push through to get to that happier place, but it's out there, I assure you!!

IOAA2

Hi. I can gladly say that being comfortable in my own skin is a think I’m grateful for. That did not come from simply wishing for it. I got active in AA quite a few years ago and that’s what keeps me sober to this day. Yes it’s a lot easier as time progresses because the thought of drinking left years ago and that sure helps.
At first getting sober my way just was not working and after a painful period I surrendered to the fact I could not drink in safety and accept that as fact. I almost continued to say to myself that if I did not pick up a drink I would not have to try to get sober again.
This took that four letter word TIME and work and changes.
Sobriety has to be for our self as we go to any length to achieve and maintain it.

BE WELL

Ghostlight1

I was drinking whiskey for breakfast at the end of my drinking, then beer all day.
I was a depressed, pitiful mess. I wasn't living, I was existing.
Alcohol didn't really lift the depression, since it's a depressant itself, it just made me forget about it.
I struggled for years to quit. There's nothing to be ashamed about. It took me a long time to become an alcoholic, and it took me a long time, and many, many tries, to get sober.
Try and remember how alcohol makes you feel the day after next time you feel like drinking.
Once you get some sober time behind you, I'll wager the depression lifts.
I understand how you feel, I've been there. But it does get better one day at a time.
Best to and best wishes.

patricia68

That sums up my life right now.

Thepatman

Keep your head up. I love your signature....

Thepatman

Here Patricia, maybe the champ can make things simple for both of us?
We sometimes tend to dwell on unimportant things.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ae3wpBPae4k

Angel1555

Patricia, sometimes I think I am the poster child for depression. I have spend many a day lying on my bed staring at the wall. It would be a major effort to brush my teeth. I am hoping to fight the depression with sobriety, exercise and healthy eating. How long have you been sober? Are you on antidepressants? My heart goes out to you.

Jsober

You made me think of the saying, you have to surrender to win. I had to stop fighting alcohol, it beat me down. The battle was over when I stopped drinking and started focusing on sobriety. You sound like you are ready to accept that alcohol is a power you can't mess with. That is a huge step. You can build off that and start to focus on recovery.
There is hope for you. Make some changes and make a new plan. The old way wasn't working so maybe talk to a doctor, try AA, go for a walk. The pain had to be great for me to even to check out AA but it has been worth it.

silentrun

It does get better. Does that 68 mean you are 46? If I could go back and give myself a piece of advise for the first year it would be to see the doctor for more than just to make sure I was physically OK. There is a lot going on with women our age and putting the first year of recovery on top of that is difficult. Just lay it all out for your doctor. They have meds to help you transition.

patricia68

That was amazing! Thank you patman!

patricia68

Yes I'll be 46 in November. Perimenopause sucks...

least

Ask your doctor for help in getting thru withdrawal safely. Once the fog of alcohol has lifted you'll start feeling better.