kkallday21

I don't even know why? I just woke up with sadness.. Please offer me some words of wisdom to help me get through today... I have 20 days NC ..

Fandy

You are going to find a better relationship and until you are over the garbage, you can't move on to it. Since the weather is blah today, get out and do some things just for you.

the key is to get out and get out of your head, have some fun, movie? shopping? a facial at home? organize yourself for the week, call some friends, real friends without drama.

Chelsea1029

I felt that way yesterday I'm a little better today. I had grand ideas of getting so much done but I was just sad. So I distracted myself with netflix. So I was lazy but it helped. I just told myself I needed to get through the day. Sometimes distraction helps me just get my mind off of it all. Some days it is keeping busy with chores, work, or shopping. Sometimes I remind myself it's not always one day at a time but one minute at a time I really believe hormones play a role too and it helps me to remember that. So that I don't think I'm going backwards, if that makes sense. Do whatever makes you feel better today.

ladyscribbler

I avoided my emotions for a long time, stuffed them or tried to ignore them, but they always came back. I've been taking a class in mindfulness at the VA, to supplement my therapy there. Last week I learned a techniques called "compassionate meditation."
Give yourself time and space to feel the sadness, acknowledge it, because it it real, then compose a mantra in your head whereby you meditate on accepting that sadness on behalf of humankind.
Mine is, "I feel this sadness, so that the burden of sadness may be lifted from others." When I feel a positive emotion, I endeavor to share that with others. "May everyone experience this joy I am feeling right now."
It has worked for me by turning even negative emotions into an experience where some good can still come of them, and I am acknowledging all of my emotions, not stuffing them or trying to avoid them, which is a big deal for me.

ShootingStar1

From my experience, there are waves of sadness that come and ago, and as time goes by, they come less frequently and less intensely.

So, how you are feeling is to be expected, and it will pass. After all, even though you are moving on to a life that will be more fulfilling, you have suffered a loss - of the life you lived, and the life you dreamed you'd live together. You are entitled to feel sad at time; you are entitled to mourn. It is better to feel those feelings than to ignore them. That is how grief processes, and that is how grief passes.

For me, when I stayed with NC, I was better off. Seeing him or talking to him stirred it all up again.

My thoughts are with you,

ShootingStar1

Brave

It's ok to be sad sometimes, it's a feeling and it will pass. Let yourself feel sad, but do a few things to take care of yourself today too. Take a bubble bath, watch a good movie or read a book. Paint your nails. Major hugs to you.

AnvilheadII

here's the thing with our emotions....we don't have to DO anything about them, they are not facts, nor do they last forever. sometimes we have weird dreams that we don't recall clearly and they can paint our emotional canvas when we awake....we acknowledge what we feel, embrace it and then let it g, instead of trying to deny or squelch the less desirable of emotions. in doing so we become whole.

honeypig

At one of my very first Alanon meetings, the topic was "Feelings are not facts." I latched onto that to help me stay afloat in the sea of fear, anger, sadness and betrayal I was feeling. It's an important saying for me to remember, not just regarding my A but in every area of life.

It's also important for me to remember that feelings change--it's absolutely guaranteed! I don't even have to do anything to cause the change; they just change, like clouds moving across the sky and making different patterns of light and shadow. Feeling good now doesn't mean I'll never feel bad again, and feeling bad now doesn't mean I'll never feel good again.

I find this meditation to be useful when I need to get in touch w/the solidity and strength underlying the passing storms of emotion. Maybe you will too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMCIR-e9D5Q

Butterfly

Honeypig just clicked on your link thank you I needed that.

K you will have days were the sadness is so overwhelming but you will get through it for those days I take it a moment at a time. Hope you find peace

NWGRITS

I agree with doing something to get out of your own head. Feel the sadness, acknowledge it, and then say, "You're gone for today." Then go do something for yourself. A pedicure at home always makes me feel better about myself. My nails are the only pampering I do. I haven't had my hair cut in a year, and I rarely buy new clothes.

kkallday21

Thank you everyone. Your words and thoughts are what got me through.. I love this site and am very grateful for each of you. We will continue moving forward together xoxo
21 days NC!!

Rosalba

Grieving's part of the process of letting go. If I feel grief - as I am at the moment after reading a couple of news items - I find it useful to let old memories rise to the surface and let them go.

While it lasts I find it awful, almost like a sensation of drowning and paralysis at times, but once I've let the tears flow I feel very, very much lighter.

(((HUGS)))

HHTexas

Movies are great to get your mind off of things. Especially comedies!! I saw Horrible Bosses when AH was on a bender. Just what the doctor ordered.

unsureoffuture

I have down days as well. I think we all do. For me takinga walk around the neighborhood helps or just getting out in a public place around people. Staying cooped up at home just makes me feel more sad and isolated. Once I get out, I feel more refreshed.

meggem

This might make you laugh a little…I have been waiting for my “big moment” where I completely lose it, break down and sob, or whatever. I’m not sure if I am amazingly strong, in denial, or both. There was a final episode in June, I filed that month, and me and my two girls moved July 29th so I’m right in the mix of this.

So on Friday's I get out of work at 1 pm. I also have a new bank and this past Friday was the first Friday going through the drive through to deposit my check. This past Friday was also the day that my body decided it was time for my meltdown.

I sobbed uncontrollably all the way to the bank. I mean full on wrenching sobbing. I had intentions on pausing my breakdown long enough to deposit my check and I figured this bank -like most -and my old one had a window that was far enough away from me that they wouldn’t be able to see my face (which had black all over it).

Well I pull up to the drive through and there is a freaking video screen 8" from my car window. Not only could I NOT stop crying as I thought, but here I was on CAMERA. This big face appears on the screen asking me how she can help me and I thought I’d die. I think I said Hi back to her, but it probably came out weird because I had that gasping/crying so hard I can’t talk thing going on.

To make matters worse when she handled my deposit her big face engulfed the screen again as she asked if “there was anything else she could do for me today” I’m thinking REALLY?!?!

If I could speak I would have said - yea can you send me a tissue through the shoot or something? Maybe come out and sit with me for an hour while I convulse in tears?

I had to pull over in a parking spot, finish my meltdown, wiped up my face as best as I could, then went to Kohls and bought a vacuum cleaner. The rest of my night was eh but I definitely felt better the next day. and you will too!!