Buggirl

Hi all, I am new to the forum but not new to attempting to quit alcohol! I am 34 years old, have a very responsible job and I have battled with alcohol addiction for 18 years. I have now got to the point where I was in the pub almost every night and if I wasnt I was drinking bottles of wine, beer or vodka/ jack Daniels at home! I would easily drink half a litre bottle JDs or vodka and then be up at 0515 in the morning to get the train to where I work! I am also very deep in debt due to this addiction and in two weeks (up until 3 days ago), I had spent £498 on alcohol! I have to add at this point that my partner drinks too, but doesnt have the problem I have and will have one pint to my three!

I have done some soul searching and had counselling a couple of years ago, so I know where my issues lie in terms of what I drink to deal with (including the financial issues I now have as a result of alcohol abuse), but it fo sent make it easy!

I have got some Kudzu tablets that I started taking yesterday and they are meant to help stop craving.

I have had many failed attempts at quitting in the past, one was a full 9 weeks without alcohol and I know it's not easy! I am going cold turkey and it's been 3 days.

My last night out drinking was Thursday just gone and for the first time ever I woke up violently ill, I mean throwing up and everything! The friends I have made in the pub and a friend I have known for ages and just introduced to the pub, have noted my absence and are asking me to go for a beer already.........help! How do you cope? What do you tell folk? This is my biggest fear, no one apart from my partner know I am quitting yet.

Words of wisdom appreciated here.

Thanks for listening.

MelindaFlowers

Buggirl,

I am about your age and also struggled with alcohol for many years. I drank like you did, heavily and daily. I struggled for many years to get a day one and I am now on day 33.

If you truly want to be sober more than you want to drink then you can stop now and never drink again. I also had short stints of sobriety in the past ten years but I always kept the door open to drink again. Looking back, I was hoping that a vacation from alcohol would reset my tolerance and I would hopefully become a normal drinker. Lots of hoping and rationalizing but I kept going back to the daily cycle of drinking.

One big step for me was actually telling the people in my life that I wasn't drinking anymore. In all of my past and failed attempts at stopping I never told my friends and family so I could keep the door slightly ajar just in case I felt like drinking on a random Friday, or Monday, or birthday, or bad day, or good day. You get the point. I knew that once I verbalized it there would be no more drinking in peace.

Of course, verbalizing it might give us some accountability but it doesn't make stopping much easier. Stopping is hard but I know that for me, drinking became hard. It was hard to wake up every day parched with thirst, splitting headache, pains in my abdomen, cold sweats, near inability to concentrate at work, and anger at pretty much everything.

I once heard something on a radio show recently from a caller who told the host: "I don't know how to be happy without drinking." The host responded that "But you aren't happy with drinking." Wow. That was a few days before I stopped. It helped me to finally realize that drinking was actually not making me happy.

You can do this!

bellaboos

Hi buggirl
Congratulations on your decision to quit the booze for good. You said you had 9 weeks before, how did you feel then? Do you know what triggered you to start drinking again?
The amount we spend on alcohol is mind blowing. You're soon going to notice having extra in your purse every week, think of all those extra treats you will be able to afford now!
My close friends know I'm not drinking but to others I just say ' I'm trying to be healthy' it's a big deal to me but not to them, so then the subjects changed.
Stay strong

Buggirl

Melinda flowers, thank you so much! I don't feel alone anymore! I know together we can all do this! I also kept thinking I could reset tolerance levels, guess it's the alcohol still talking! Thank you!

Dee74

Welcome buggirl

getting sober does involve a degree of change, but I can promise you that noone here feels they lost out on the deal.

Getting that monkey off my back has been worth it, time and again.

I like looking in the mirror and being able to look myself in the eyes again

Glad to have join us

D

Buggirl

Thank you! Yes I know what triggered it before, I was at Download festival (I love music, especially rock and blues!, but everything goes!) and we got to the Sunday and it was raining so heavily that I downed a bottle of red wine before we left the campsite, just so I had a "beer jacket" to get me through the day! I truly believe if I had not done that, if I had not convinced myself I needed a drink, then I would still have been sober. That was 3 years ago!

This time I know it's different, I have read books and kept a diary for the last three months leading up to this! With all your help and support, I know it can be forever !

Buggirl

Oh and today I have my folks around for Sunday lunch and I am going to tell them.

Buggirl

Thanks so much! I notice your Avtar says 74, is this days sober?

Dee74

no - I've been here so long I'm part of the furniture LOL.
just random numbers buggirl .

D

MelindaFlowers

Buggirl,

I think that sounds like a good decision to tell your parents if you are comfortable with that. I was so scared to tell anyone until I actually did not want to drink anymore and knew it with all my heart.. At that point, I was so sick of it all I really wasn't scared one bit. It sounds like you are at that point too.

SoberComposer

Congratulations Buggirl! It is amazing how all of these stories are so familiar to me. The shame of drinking has always burdened me greatly.. even admitting that I am an alcoholic sounds weird to me but I know it's so true. But I don't tell anyone that, all of this is a secret, but telling people "why" you are quiting, who are not alcoholics, is not that helpful, in my experience. They haven't understood. I just say that I am trying to get in shape and want to cut things out that slow me down. Exercise, even if it is just walking a mile a few days a week will make you feel much better. That has always been what I look forward to when quiting because it totally reinforces feeling good . But like me, being on day 3, we should not do any heavy exercise for awhile. I hope this helps

Eddiebuckle

Buggirl,

It is hard to quit drinking after surrounding ourselves with drinking friends and activities, it may feel like giving up the "fun" part of ourselves. I did that for so long that it really felt like having my identity taken away to quit drinking. These perspectives shift over time, but they can be an issue in early sobriety. You do not owe anyone an explanation or cover story, but social situations being what they are, this will come up sooner rather than later. However you choose to describe your decision, make it clear that it is not a whim. I told my friends that I was on the wagon because I felt like the tail was starting to wag the dog. Most people accepted that gross understatement and it never came up again.

However you deal with the social aspect, welcome to SR and good luck!!

Meraviglioso

Hi buggirl, welcome and congratulations! I am just waking up to day 5 and feeling great. Day 3 was exceptionally tough for me but I made it through. I was like you, spending crazy money on alcohol, drinking way too much every day, but always getting up to meet my obligations no matter the hangover. I cannot tell you how much easier things are to manage in my daily life after only a few days sober. I can also tell you that I tried and tried and tried a million times it seems to get sober and ever made it past a day or two. I really feel the difference for me this time has been the support I have found here. Not only the support when I post, but just reading others' stories and advice I have found to be extraordinarily helpful and motivating.
I love music too, love love love the blues and rock. I did my senior year thesis at University on Eric Clapton
You can do this. I agree to start telling people. I also agree with sobercomposer that telling people "why" is almost pointless. People who are not alcoholics simply cannot understand. I have tired to explain to those closest to me and it is so foreign, so strange the idea that we can't just "stop" that you start to get the feeling that they think you are weak or not trying hard enough. I have found it to be frustrating and unfulfilling to try and get my thoughts heard and understood. I am just telling people now that I am stopping, I am tired of being drunk and that it is easier for me to not pick up the first drink than it is to stop once I have started. End of story. Best of luck!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Buggirl!!

As others have said I needed to think about how important Sobriety was to me and make changes accordingly to the people I hung out with and the activities I got involved in.

It's great to have you here!!

Buggirl

Hi guys! Thanks so much for all the support as I wake to day 4!

I am feeling great! Got myself some vitamin B complex tablets too! I did a test last night and actually went to my local pub and drank Blackcurrent and soda in pints! It cost me a quarter of the price of my usual beer (90p vs £3.40 for a lager!). I had no different a time as I have have had before when drinking and had a bit of a revalation ! ........I discovered that the only person (and this was out of care), that asked me anything was the barmaid. She just asked if I was ok! I said yes thanks, never been better and stated that I was on a health kick. I then promptly realised that no one could distinguish my drink of Blackcurrent and soda from a lager and Black and this gave me comfort as no one watched the barmaid pour it and after a few everyone else was suitably anibriated not to pay any attention and probably forget what they saw anyway!

They really didn't know I wasn't drinking! The barmaid could tell by my response I think as to what I was really up to and didn't even make me ask fir the drink, she just said same again ! Only me and mt partner knew the real truth and everyone treated me just the same! I am so glad that I actually did this early on so that I know that I can occasionally go in and I dont need alcohol. I know this will not work for everyone, but worked for me! Although I couldn't have done it without the support on here!

Thanks do much! I know we are in this together!

FeelingGreat

Buggirl, you are doing brilliantly. I was a daily drinker and managed to give up (over 2 years now) by finally convincing myself how harmful it was.
Be as careful as you can of getting too confident. Many of us find that once the good feelings of early success fade a little, out AV (Alcoholic Voice, the primitive part of your brain that wants you to drink) will pop up and take you by surprise. Be ready for it to happen - that feeling of 'I deserve a reward' or 'now I can start drinking moderately'. If you know it's coming you can be ready.

Elodie

Congratulations on 3 days, Buggirl.

I'm on Day 23 myself, really really early recovery, and I wouldn't go to a bar at this early date. It was awesome that you stayed sober, but 3 days is still really early, especially compared to your 18 years' drinking history.

It's great to be so confident, but it's also important to remember that early recovery is a time when we are extremely vulnerable. And if you have used alcohol as a coping mechanism for 18 years, if a problem arises and you happen to be sitting at the pub when it does, well, you might end up doing something you'll regret later. Please be vigilant.

Buggirl

Hi guys thanks for the advice, maybe I am being very confident, but I keep telling myself I am in control and I am choosing not to drink today. I feel great but I guess when the brown stuff hits the fan, I could feel like I need a cruch!

johnnybsober

Welcome bug! Stay close here. Always someone on to help you get through whatever you are going through.

One day at a time!

ccam1973

Welcome and great job on 4 days Buggirl! Sounds like you have a well thought out plan this time around.

It only takes that one slip and we are right back where we started.

Keep up the good work.