Shan77

AH packed up and left today. We started the day by talking civilly about how the kids will stay with me and were agreeing on who would get what in the divorce. I really thought I was ready for this and was happy that we could actually talk about it like adults. Then, it hit me when I took the kids school shopping. Wow! I will always do this (and everything else) by myself from now on. The kids and I went out to eat, and I just felt like everyone was in a happy relationship, and I am alone. I know we haven't had a good relationship in quite some time, but it just hit me hard and I started crying and just getting very upset about the whole situation!

Catherine628

Sorry you're going through this. It seems everywhere I look I see happy families. Then I remember we looked that way once too. It always helps me to talk with someone who has gone through the same thing. Do you have any divorced friends you can meet up with?

Butterfly

Sorry you are going through this the reality is harder than we think and we can become overwhelmed by the amount of things that we now have to do on our own but we can do it because in reality we have always done everything ourselves we just haven't realised it as there has been someone in the home and it gave us the illusion they were there. It was an illusion however certainly for me anyway.

For the first few months everywhere I went there were happy couples I don't see them anymore or maybe it's I don't notice them now.

You will come through this you are thronged than you think big hugs

Butterfly

Take it a minute at a time cry when you need to feel angry when you need to, baby steps and start rediscovering who you are and who you want to be.

Shan77

I do have some divorced friends to talk to and most agree it is very hard in the beginning, but you get past that and it is definitely better in the long run. I know it will also be the case for me. I just need to stay strong and remind myself of all the heartache he has put me through. I know if we would have actually gone, he would have been MIA because he would be sneaking off to get a drink and if he didn't sneak off, he would have such a short fuse and ticked off at the world. So yes, it's for the best, but still hard.

Shan77

I will also say that most things I have been doing alone for years, because of his drinking. I have been saying for a long time that I feel like a single parent already. I think sometimes the mind just wants to focus on the good times even though that has only been the picture of the relationship very minimally.

Refiner

So sorry you are feeling alone, Shan. I know the feeling well as was divorced and just seeing all the happy little families around me was just magnified like 3000%!! It does get better. Be strong and love yourself and enjoy you and your kids. It DOES get better but just takes time.

Butterfly

Our mind does want to focus on those few times when we thought that everything was good and happy and I know certainly for me I think why couldn't there have been more or when I am really struggling I'd tell myself it wasn't really that bad.....but it was!

You will come through this and you will become stronger

jmartin

Shan -
So sorry, I too know that loneliness, which I have come to realize that for me, is less about missing my AW (out of the house 1 month) than it is sadness over what has long since been lost, gone years before she left. I remind myself that I felt this same loneliness even when she was around - it just wasn't front and center because of the constant triage, reacting to her latest crisis, relapses, etc. Now that I have more time to myself, that grief over what has been lost - which I accept as part of this process - is nearer the surface.

Like you, I hang on to the belief that things will get better soon. I have always known this part would be painful - it is probably partly why I have hung in there so long, hoping she could get herself together, to spare us this. It was only when I saw that, yes, something could be worse than the pain of splitting up that I was able to take steps on my own to resolve it. I don't like any of my options right now, but i will choose what leads me back to health and sanity. Best to you.

hopeful4

I am sorry you are feeling sad. It gets better, I promise.

Yesterday I took my kids to my mom and dads for lunch. We were sitting there talking, my kids were talking about some upcoming events. There is one that I brought up something funny their dad did with us there once. My older daughter, who is 14, brought up that she does not ever remember him going there with us. That her memories of almost everything are just me and the kids, that dad always stayed home.

She is right, in recent years, he chose to stay home instead of participate in events with his family. Sad for him, he missed out on a lot of fun times. So when I separated from him I quickly realized it was like having one less person to take care of. I had been a single mom for a long time, it's actually easier for me now.

Hugs. XXX