sumbug01

Or a cigarette I might add... this is my 7th day without either... I never thought I'd be pushing 30 and looking back wondering how the past 15 years turned into living that revolved around drinking. Not to say I regret it or that I hated it - obviously there were some great times... but the more I continue in this cycle the more I question is this how you want your life to be til your old and gray? Putting alcohol first? Always having to have a drink the second you walk in the door from work or always have one in your hand no matter who you're with or where you are? Can't even head out to a friends house or out to a bar without taking a couple of pre-gaming drinks in the car to have beforehand... And oh, it's never one drink ... ever! EVER! A glass of wine yeah right! I better be entitled to the whole bottle and then some... and it's not enough to drink beer or wine or liquor no if all 3 are present well by god I should be dabbling in having drinks of all the different types of alcohols there are. and it's not that I haven't always been a hardworker and I always maintained great grades in school (and maybe that's why I justified that it was okay to drink as much as I did b/c I was able to "hold a lot of the priorities together"). Who am I kidding? Wow ok so you're just a functional alcoholic really is what I'm telling myself now... This is in my family too and I have real life lessons that I've had to watch first hand - to watch how alcohol is a disease and has claimed my father's life ... he is a shell of the person he once was and who I remember as a young child ...& while he died when I was a teenager, my grandfather my dad's dad was also an alcoholic... Anyway I started to think that was a great excuse to be able to drink anytime I wanted to say well I worked hard today or I did good in school so who can say anything about the way I drink? ... or that I was entitled to "earned" beverages everyday - and let's not even talk about weekends ... good lord... anyway I have partied hard enough times in my life to last me til the end... I can't remember the last time I went for any amount of days without a drink or a cigarette other than maybe 3 or 4 days when I've tried this before... I have hope that if I can make it to 7 surely I can go longer than that. It's not that I don't do wholesome activities or do activities other than drinking, but it just feels like they are always secondary and that shouldn't be the case ... I want to plan on going for a hike or geocaching or joining a yoga class or reading books more often as my first choice in the evenings and on the weekends opposed to blowing that stuff off b/c a passel of friends are coming over to drink themselves into oblivion all night, crash at our house then our evening and our whole next day ruined and hung over... UGH. I'm so tired of it but then again here I am writing this all out b/c you know even after making a good choice today to go on a 5 mile hike I am sitting here craving the hell out of a cigarette and a beer and I feel like I deserve the reward! It's like geez, you can't just go 1 freakin Saturday without these things?!? The bad thing is, I haven't even tried being around any of my friends smoking cigarettes and drinking yet. NOt sure how that will go but I need to be able to do that or I feel like I won't have any friends left. Part of what makes it so hard is knowing that friendships will probably change a lot ... knowing that I will be scared of that... knowing that I will fear being left out or ostracized... I know I just have to try and find other hobbies though and maybe some new groups of friends/associates. For now I'm feeling pretty good though and confident and excited to utilize this site as a good tool for support and finding others who feel like I do and understand and can relate! THanks!

VikingGF

Welcome to SR and congrats on 7 days!

least

I'm glad you found us and joined the family. Congrats on the first of many sober weeks.

pumpkinny

You're doing great!

Dee74

Welcome and congratulations sumbug

D

TheZenLife

Congratulations on 7 days....I am on 7 days also. I'm currently on vacation with a bunch of former drinking buddies and I haven't had one yet. I realized today that I'm just as much fun as I was a drunk and I'm having just as much fun. It hasn't been difficult and the only thing that is different this vacation is 2 days in a row I wake up early feeling great...and off I go. I also noticed, sadly, that my kids are hanging around me all the time instead of avoiding me while I'm drinking....embarassing for me to say.

Inchworm

Congratulations on day 7! You have some great plans to realize!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

stf2012

I have the same fears about losing friends, but I am more scared of losing control of my life. I spent a pretty good weekend with my parents who are helping me with my addiction to alcohol, but this morning I woke up at 4 am trembling and had a glass of white wine. Then another, and finally a third glass. My anxiety and shaking is gone thanks to that self medication, but I worry about how I will be all day at work. I need to end the cycle and if I lose friends along the way because they don't want to be friends with because I won't drink with them, then they aren't friends.

stf2012

Had two more glasses of wine and am headed to work now. Great... :/

Congrats on your 7 days. I wish I could have just one day sober. A good friend of mine is 2 years sober, but even 7 days seems like such an massive, imposing, enormous mountain range of impossibility to overcome. It's great you made it as far as you did. All my thoughts go out to you that you keep going!!!! One day at a time, right? Good luck!!

Dee74

Hey stf - if you're worried about anxiety or withdrawal, why not involve a doctor instead of self medicating?

D