Blossom717

I know I shouldn't care but....

DDs birthday party was today. It went relatively smoothly. I've noticed though, I have gotten the cold shoulder from his family since he has quit drinking. It shouldn't bother me, but it kind of does. I feel like they blame me. Again, I know it shouldn't matter. I won't think about it too much after this.

Also, I noticed no one really stays to hang out of there is no alcohol. But, that's more of a shrug "oh well" for me!

Missus

*gasp* you mean there was no alcohol at a kid's birthday party? For shame! Lol. If they couldn't drink and didn't want to stay because of that, it sounds like a bonus for you :-)

Blossom717

Ha yea that part didn't bother me! Totally fine with everyone leaving sober at a decent hour! But I did think it was interesting!

BobbyJ

That sure brings back some memories for me...
I "MADE" my x drink according to his mother..........
His entire family deleted me after the divorce, more like I was dead in their eyes!
I'm just glad that I can see the bigger picture and don't have a cold heart like theirs!
Yes, it hurt but that was a few years ago....
Thanks for sharing....It does get better

jarp

That's hurtful blossom, but I'm glad you are not letting it get to you.

Did your daughter have a lovely time?

Our house is too small for kiddy parties, and it's one of my biggest regrets about living inner city and only being able to afford a shoe box!!! I love kids parties!!! Even without alcohol...

Blossom717

She had an awesome time, thank you for asking! We live in the middle of nowhere, so we had a makeshift slip n slide down a big hill in our yard. It's cute watching all the kids play!

FireSprite

I'm so glad your little one had a great birthday!

IMO you're going to start to really be able to see who in your world qualifies as a Real Friend & can be depended on & who can't. I'm not at ALL surprised that they are acting this way, especially since they have been his primary enablers outside of your relationship.

Often when we stand up & draw boundaries others around us take it personally. Maybe it makes them feel weak in the face of their own soft boundaries, maybe they fear being put back into the primary caretaking position for the A if we were to step aside, maybe it makes them look at their own substance use/abuse more closely.... idk. I know I lost a lot of friendships/family members that I thought I could always count on & was equally surprised at who DID show up for me emotionally.

tabac210

And sometimes you will find that those Real Friends aren't relatives; that's tough but mine to deal with. Relatives & friends probably find it easier to blame you/us versus looking inward for any of their own codependent or enabling issues.

I have a hard time not just telling some members of his family to ?!@# off; especially the stepmonster who is all sweetness, support & love when his father is around, then a seething, sarcastic finger-pointing (at everyone but herself) voice of evil when conversations are out of her husband's earshot.

I keep reminding myself how much inner pain she must have in order to be so mean (or that she has histrionic personality disorder....) either way, not much I can do about it. I've found that sometimes swallowing pride is something we codies have to do as much as the AH's we love! So I just smile, keep the peace, & remember I don't see her very often...

Glad the party went well!

Missus

My DD is having friends over for a teenage birthday hangout party kind of thing this weekend ... I am dreading AH's wandering thru the house at odd moments after drinking all day making non sequitur comments, but also know I can't control it... fortunately the kids will just ignore him for the most part, and he's only embarrassing himself.

Blossom717

ugh, I hate that! My dad does that...he did it at DD's birthday party. But you are right, they are only embarrassing themselves. I hope the party goes well for you and your dd!

hopeful4

I am glad your little had fun, that is the important thing! It really hurt me in the beginning when my XAH's family treated me badly. However, I have let it go. I cannot control them anymore than I could control him, and don't want to get involved in it anymore.