Should we leave?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Should we leave?
Hi, this is my first post here. A quick back story. Fiance has been using Roxis for a few months. He said he swallowed them, but did smoke a couple...swears he never injected. I am clueless about drug use. He started taking subs to get off the roxis, and then I found out about it, called the clinics, and paid to get him into the methadone clinic. I know this isn't about me, but I spent my entire birthday arranging the treatment for him, and talking to the councilor to gain an understanding about methadone and all that stuff. I really want to support him. So he started the program on July 23rd at 30mg methadone, and is now on day 11 of the 21 day detox, at 20mg of Methadone. He was taking valiums from probably the point when he started the Subs, and finally quit those 2 days ago because he was so High and was denying that he was nodding out, so I took videos of him sleeping on his knees giving the cats food, sleeping on the toilet, sleeping basically standing all over, and then presented it to him, lol. so the Valiums where having a big mass in his ability to detox. So, day 11. The last two days have been horrible RLS. I underestimated how VIOLENT RLS could ever be. I know you all understand how bad the sweats are, soaked comforter, he is sleeping on towels and covered in towels and its just so much sweat. Hot/cold flashes. Today started the Moods. I went and got him Magnesium, Potassium, Calcium, L-lysine (sp) Kava Kava, B12, B6, have been Juicing greens for him. massaging his body when he asks. Minty wraps for his legs. Detoxing bath soaks. Essential oils. Tons of reading and watching other Youtube journeys. Today he had to get up to stop our kid from getting, errr, killing the cat while I was occupied putting away groceries, and he flipped out on me saying he hates me and the kids. Then took it back and said he only hates me more than anything and that I need to move out. He basically went nuts for about 5 minutes, took the rent money and put it in his wallet so I can't go pay rent, lol. Telling me I do nothing to help him and I am just making it all worse for him..I certainly do not want to make things worse for him. This is such a hard spot to be in without thinking about how *I* feel at the moment. I just want him to get better, which he says he wants to get better too.
Any advice? Any good timeline of how the symptoms will pan out? I am trying to stay positive and supportive. My life as I knew it was like taken away. Where has he gone, and when will he come back to us? Should we really leave? Not that I have many options of where to go, I am unsure of how to make this situation work, without it destroying my family. How did you guys handle your parents or kids or partners addiction and behaviors towards you? I feel so broken.
Any advice? Any good timeline of how the symptoms will pan out? I am trying to stay positive and supportive. My life as I knew it was like taken away. Where has he gone, and when will he come back to us? Should we really leave? Not that I have many options of where to go, I am unsure of how to make this situation work, without it destroying my family. How did you guys handle your parents or kids or partners addiction and behaviors towards you? I feel so broken.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canterbury
Posts: 59
Hi, welcome. You're in the right place for sure - people on here are wise and understanding (myself not included, still pretty new myself!). Sorry to hear what's going on with you but well done for finding us.
My sister is addicted to Valium - it is brutal withdrawal. He probably needs medical detox for it because there are effects like seizures which go along with the mood swings and physical symptoms. If you take nothing else away from my post please suggest medical detox to him.
Also: this IS about you. You need to be number 1 in your own life and that's hard to learn and harder to accept. But you need to put your and your kids first - living in a house with a man who will steal rent money and flip out at you is not healthy for you or them. Your kids don't need to see him act like that towards you and you don't need to subject yourself to it. I would advise you to leave or preferably ask him to leave - maybe look into detox/rehab in your area if he wants it and it's a feasible option.
Good luck!
My sister is addicted to Valium - it is brutal withdrawal. He probably needs medical detox for it because there are effects like seizures which go along with the mood swings and physical symptoms. If you take nothing else away from my post please suggest medical detox to him.
Also: this IS about you. You need to be number 1 in your own life and that's hard to learn and harder to accept. But you need to put your and your kids first - living in a house with a man who will steal rent money and flip out at you is not healthy for you or them. Your kids don't need to see him act like that towards you and you don't need to subject yourself to it. I would advise you to leave or preferably ask him to leave - maybe look into detox/rehab in your area if he wants it and it's a feasible option.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Exton pa
Posts: 153
Prioritize you - keep talking to us - we are all her for you and are going through this too. Don't internalize what is said to you by the addict - it's vile and hurtful and has no basis in fact. Prayers to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Welcome ChoseLove.
What a difficult position for you and your children to be in. I myself would not want my children around someone drugging, nodding off, and risking our home by taking rent/bill money, or threatening to.
He can do this stuff on his own. There are hospitals, clinics and rehabs to deal with this. It may be more than you or he can do alone at home. It may be unsafe to do it outside of a physicians care.
Even if it was, do you want to spend your one precious life this way?
I would seriously consider whether its healthy to marry someone who may relapse at any time. Children cannot choose their home lives, and we owe it to them to protect them from the ugliest things in this world. It will affect their lives, I promise.
sorry I have no more positive advice. I just hate reading posts of parents who end up in a merry-go-round of addiction in a partner. some recover, some do not. The ones who do, want to, and pursue it with all they have.
take care of yourself and the kids. He can do this alone. Perhaps that would be safest for everyone.
What a difficult position for you and your children to be in. I myself would not want my children around someone drugging, nodding off, and risking our home by taking rent/bill money, or threatening to.
He can do this stuff on his own. There are hospitals, clinics and rehabs to deal with this. It may be more than you or he can do alone at home. It may be unsafe to do it outside of a physicians care.
Even if it was, do you want to spend your one precious life this way?
I would seriously consider whether its healthy to marry someone who may relapse at any time. Children cannot choose their home lives, and we owe it to them to protect them from the ugliest things in this world. It will affect their lives, I promise.
sorry I have no more positive advice. I just hate reading posts of parents who end up in a merry-go-round of addiction in a partner. some recover, some do not. The ones who do, want to, and pursue it with all they have.
take care of yourself and the kids. He can do this alone. Perhaps that would be safest for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
I am going to be a gentle as possible but the truth sucks.
Any advice?
Lots but are you willing to listen? And that is a very fair question. Best advice is that you are in control of your life. The decisions you make will heavily weigh on the quality of life your children have. So the best advice anyone could give you it to work on yourself, get support for yourself and understand that he is so very capable as a grown man to help himself.
Any good timeline of how the symptoms will pan out?
The symptoms won’t be gone until he is off the methadone, and then once it clears his system and it does have a long half life, then he will progress to better and better from there. Did he really get put on a methadone wean only using roxi a few months? That one doesn’t work in my head at all.
I am trying to stay positive and supportive.
Another legit question, are you being supportive in your actions or are you doing things and figuring out things he is more than capable of doing himself?
My life as I knew it was like taken away.
No it wasn’t really. Life as you knew it changed, which does happen when addiction enters the room. And one of the hardest things here to understand is you don’t want that old life back really because any past now is part of the problem.
Where has he gone, and when will he come back to us?
He didn’t go anywhere, he is right there in front of you, but now as an addict. Be careful with any need to separate him from his addiction because in all reality this is who he is.
Should we really leave?
No one can tell you to stay or leave. But I will tell you that this can become a huge distraction. In many ways it is better to just commit to work on yourself fully because that will really allow you to see and find what you want in this life for you and your children’s best chances.
Not that I have many options of where to go, I am unsure of how to make this situation work, without it destroying my family.
You have no control over anyone but yourself. And the only person you can save is you. In doing that then you save your children as well. Families are not destroyed by addiction, families allow the addiction to destroy them.
How did you guys handle your parents or kids or partners addiction and behaviors towards you?
I am not sure there is anyway to handle unacceptable behavior, but I do wonder how many would say denial helped them accept the unacceptable aimed toward them for far to long.
Don’t lost your ability to speak in this, don’t walk on eggshells, don’t dare allow yourself to be treated with anything but respect. Put strong boundaries into place, and understand they are for you, your sanity and protection not something you do so as to help, or make or effect him. It is all about your safety, health and welfare and your children’s as well. Say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it if you don’t mean it. If you can keep your children and you first you will have a better chance.
Any advice?
Lots but are you willing to listen? And that is a very fair question. Best advice is that you are in control of your life. The decisions you make will heavily weigh on the quality of life your children have. So the best advice anyone could give you it to work on yourself, get support for yourself and understand that he is so very capable as a grown man to help himself.
Any good timeline of how the symptoms will pan out?
The symptoms won’t be gone until he is off the methadone, and then once it clears his system and it does have a long half life, then he will progress to better and better from there. Did he really get put on a methadone wean only using roxi a few months? That one doesn’t work in my head at all.
I am trying to stay positive and supportive.
Another legit question, are you being supportive in your actions or are you doing things and figuring out things he is more than capable of doing himself?
My life as I knew it was like taken away.
No it wasn’t really. Life as you knew it changed, which does happen when addiction enters the room. And one of the hardest things here to understand is you don’t want that old life back really because any past now is part of the problem.
Where has he gone, and when will he come back to us?
He didn’t go anywhere, he is right there in front of you, but now as an addict. Be careful with any need to separate him from his addiction because in all reality this is who he is.
Should we really leave?
No one can tell you to stay or leave. But I will tell you that this can become a huge distraction. In many ways it is better to just commit to work on yourself fully because that will really allow you to see and find what you want in this life for you and your children’s best chances.
Not that I have many options of where to go, I am unsure of how to make this situation work, without it destroying my family.
You have no control over anyone but yourself. And the only person you can save is you. In doing that then you save your children as well. Families are not destroyed by addiction, families allow the addiction to destroy them.
How did you guys handle your parents or kids or partners addiction and behaviors towards you?
I am not sure there is anyway to handle unacceptable behavior, but I do wonder how many would say denial helped them accept the unacceptable aimed toward them for far to long.
Don’t lost your ability to speak in this, don’t walk on eggshells, don’t dare allow yourself to be treated with anything but respect. Put strong boundaries into place, and understand they are for you, your sanity and protection not something you do so as to help, or make or effect him. It is all about your safety, health and welfare and your children’s as well. Say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it if you don’t mean it. If you can keep your children and you first you will have a better chance.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Thank you very much for your replies. I made some boundaries for my kids and I. We will be staying in the home, and he is staying with a friend who will be a safe, clean environment for the rest of his treatment. Between work and the children, I didn't have too much time to think about all of this. After reading your replies I was able to breathe and think.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Breathe, yes, good. Take it a day at a time. I am not an addict but have heard the horror stories of withdraw. It is very positive to give you and your children space from him. That way you and your children are not exposed to the awful that comes along with it.
Hugs. Glad you are here!
Hugs. Glad you are here!
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