LightInside

Today is a lovely couple's wedding shower. I have been really looking forward to it. But I am limited contact with XA/son's father and he has RSVP'd Yes. I just found out for sure today.

I got really burned a few weeks ago when I supervised a visit with him and our son. I thought I would be able to deal if I ran into him, but once I found out he RSVP'd yes, I panicked. If I go and feel uncomfortable or nervous, I won't be able to just leave, because 2 yo DS will probably not respond well to seeing Daddy and having to leave abruptly.

Just this week I finally decided to reach out for help in dealing with the emotional/verbal/mental abuse from X. I am in the intake process for a support program. My advocate who is doing my intake had already urged me to find a friend to do the drop offs for my son for the next 3 visits. Next appt. with my advocate we're going to work on a safety plan.

If I go, it would also be another great chance for X to put on his great show of what a "wonderful father" he is. I'm sure he'd be quite respectful of me in front of everyone. He is the lying, narcissistic type of drinker and it doesn't seem like that has changed one bit in his 2 or less months of supposed sobriety.

So everything I'm saying points to "No, don't go." The other side is that I don't want him having this power over me forever. I don't want to miss out on my life because he may or may not be around. I really don't want to miss the wedding in 2 weeks because of him.

LightInside

BTW, shower is in an hour and a half.

queenapple

Unfortunately, only you know the answer to this. But you know that already. Good luck with whatever you decide.

CodeJob

Well, he can only act like a good guy in front of this group? You want to go? Wedding is coming up? You need a better plan for the wedding than posting on SR for advice. Personally I would go, but I would find a leech to stick to you as a barrier so you aren't caught alone with Mr. X at the punch bowl.

Combakkid

Just because he responded yes doesn't mean he will show up. Who knows if he will be there the whole time or on a bender. I say go simply because you can't let him stop you from living your life on your terms. You may want to see if a friend can go with you for support to make it easier for you. Have fun and don't let him suck the wind out of your sail!

LightInside

I decided not to go. My boundaries are that I don't supervise his visits with DS and that I must agree to the supervisor. That puts me in a position where he'd be having a visit with DS without clearing the supervisor with me. Yes, it sucks for me and he has control, but I'm not about to start drama in front of anyone at a wedding shower. I'll go to the wedding though, as long as I can afford the 200 mile trip & hotel.