fulfilling a promise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 81
fulfilling a promise
In a previous thread I promised I'd come here first if I was tempted to take painkillers again. Well I'm here. Currently on day 8 and mentally feeling flat, depressed and joyless. I'm struggling and very tempted to try and find the tablets i know my wife has hidden close by. Got no one to speak to about this and feel like I'm gonna crack ��
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Hey FC
Great job posting. Sorry to hear you are struggling.
I found AVRT to be a very helpful method to understand and 'control' urges and temptations. Have you ever looked into to it, there is a lot of info on it in the secular forum here.
Great job posting. Sorry to hear you are struggling.
I found AVRT to be a very helpful method to understand and 'control' urges and temptations. Have you ever looked into to it, there is a lot of info on it in the secular forum here.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Sorry you're feeling tempted, it's an awful feeling! Is there any way she can just flush them? (sorry if you've already explained why this isn't an option). I mean, I know when we really decide to imbibe, we can find a way.. but if it wasn't RIGHT THERE, and a virtual non-option you might feel a little less anxious about it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
FC, Thanks for sharing with us and keeping those self promises are important! WHY are you feeling depressed, flat and joyless? It may be that about day 8 is when all those chemicals are leaving your body and you're facing/feeling emotions that you normally mask! That's my experience anyways...we all use because we want to feel 'normal' it really does all boil down to emotions...i had a guy share with me once before that when those feelings come to remember, it's just a feeling and it will pass! If you act upon that feeling and take those pills then guess what, you just reset the whole process. It does get easier my friend!
Is there something, anything you can do, other than take the pills, that will change your moods? Call a friend in recovery, go for a walk...something!
YOU can do this!
Is there something, anything you can do, other than take the pills, that will change your moods? Call a friend in recovery, go for a walk...something!
YOU can do this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by FusterCluck 
Currently on day 8 and mentally feeling flat, depressed and joyless.
Got no one to speak to about this and feel like I'm gonna crack ��
I will contact you
Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 81
Thanks for all of your input/warmth. I got through the cravings with deep breathing, some reading, some sleeping and especially your support. Still clean, so very relieved and feeling thankful! 
Thank you and yes I am reading up on it, makes a lot of sense! Ordered the book as well.
Thank you. It seems she hid them well as when I spoke to her later about the cravings and my potential search, she said, "you have NO chance of finding them." She needs them herself for long-term recurrent sciatica, you see.
I think it's a combination of twenty years of chemical abuse and now nothing hitting the reward centers of my brain, clinical depression and my Prozac prescription not working as it should, yet.
Message received, replied to and so appreciative for you taking the time to help me.
Hope that as I progressively get better I can give more to this forum than I am currently.
FC
Originally Posted by dwtbd
Hey FC
Great job posting. Sorry to hear you are struggling.
I found AVRT to be a very helpful method to understand and 'control' urges and temptations. Have you ever looked into to it, there is a lot of info on it in the secular forum here.
Great job posting. Sorry to hear you are struggling.
I found AVRT to be a very helpful method to understand and 'control' urges and temptations. Have you ever looked into to it, there is a lot of info on it in the secular forum here.
Originally Posted by flutter
Sorry you're feeling tempted, it's an awful feeling! Is there any way she can just flush them? (sorry if you've already explained why this isn't an option). I mean, I know when we really decide to imbibe, we can find a way.. but if it wasn't RIGHT THERE, and a virtual non-option you might feel a little less anxious about it.
Originally Posted by ultradad
WHY are you feeling depressed, flat and joyless?
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
8 days is a lot to just throw away
I will contact you
Bob
I will contact you
Bob
Hope that as I progressively get better I can give more to this forum than I am currently.
FC
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Hi Fustercluck, your username rocks! Lol. I got off pain pills a while back and honestly it's the hardest addiction I've EVER dealt with. The depression and cravings seem to last forever. In my opinion it was harder than alcohol. (Even though I'm still early with kicking drinking) I was already a heavy drinker but I didn't become a daily drinker until I got off pills cause I felt so lost without them I was trying to numb that pain, but made it way worse. the physical W/D was pure hell and lasted a week, then when that's gone is weeks and weeks of fatigue, anxiety and that feeling like "if I just had 1" Ugh. Anyway, enough with the negativity lol. After a month you'll feel so much better, it DOES eventually go away. Hope you can hang in there and kick the pills, stay strong and just remember that horrible withdrawal, its not worth it!!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Hey FC. You remind me of this other guy that posted not long ago:
Why don't you print this out and stick it on the fridge?
Originally Posted by FusterCluck
I got home from work on Friday evening, filled with positivity from ten days of soberness. That soon changed. For some reason as I sat in the garden with my wife, I made the utterly bizarre decision to ‘treat myself’ for my sobriety by getting high. How messed up is that? Then somehow, after twenty minutes of tortured mental gymnastics, I managed to justify it to myself by saying that “this will just be a slip not a fall”. In other words it would be a one-off session of opiate fun and not me going back to the usual get high whenever possible routine.
I took my wife’s prescription to the pharmacy, got 60 x 30mg DHC (Dihydrocodeine) and then sat in the car park swallowing tablets and drinking diet coke. Classy. I took 9 tablets, so a total of 270mg, and then went home and spent the evening with my family feeling blessed out and drinking beers to maximize the buzz. Every time my mind told me to feel guilty, I blocked it with the, “this is a slip not a fall” line. That worked to keep the negative thoughts at bay for a while, but as the evening wore on and the drugs wore off I grew more and more down. Ten days of sobriety wasted for a little ‘treat’.
At about midnight I fell asleep on the sofa downstairs and my wife must have covered me with a blanket and gone to bed. I woke in the middle of the night needing the toilet and as I stood up, I noticed a sense of feeling a bit woozy and anxious. As I walked across the room, these feelings accelerated rapidly and within ten minutes or so I ended up having a full blown panic attack, laid on the floor of a dark room in the recovery position and feeling like I was dying. It was fairly brutal and took a long time, and lots of mindful breathing, to finally recede.
The following day I felt truly awful with what I call an opiate hangover. Irritable, moody, lifeless, no motivation and repeat waves of shame for letting myself, my family and all of you down. What a truly kingsize fool I really am. Oh, and just to prove my level of foolishness, I spent many minutes/hours on Saturday and Sunday thinking about getting more tablets from the medicine cupboard and swallowing them, just to ‘help me get through the negative feelings’. I’m happy to say that I did not succumb again and my addictive voice has quietened a bit today, thankfully.
I’m writing this sat at my desk at work and wishing my weekend had been different and not wasted by my own weakness and chemical addictions. Feeling down
Anyway, today is day-3 for me again and I’m trying again
Hoping you are all well and life is being kind to you.
Cheers, FC
I took my wife’s prescription to the pharmacy, got 60 x 30mg DHC (Dihydrocodeine) and then sat in the car park swallowing tablets and drinking diet coke. Classy. I took 9 tablets, so a total of 270mg, and then went home and spent the evening with my family feeling blessed out and drinking beers to maximize the buzz. Every time my mind told me to feel guilty, I blocked it with the, “this is a slip not a fall” line. That worked to keep the negative thoughts at bay for a while, but as the evening wore on and the drugs wore off I grew more and more down. Ten days of sobriety wasted for a little ‘treat’.
At about midnight I fell asleep on the sofa downstairs and my wife must have covered me with a blanket and gone to bed. I woke in the middle of the night needing the toilet and as I stood up, I noticed a sense of feeling a bit woozy and anxious. As I walked across the room, these feelings accelerated rapidly and within ten minutes or so I ended up having a full blown panic attack, laid on the floor of a dark room in the recovery position and feeling like I was dying. It was fairly brutal and took a long time, and lots of mindful breathing, to finally recede.
The following day I felt truly awful with what I call an opiate hangover. Irritable, moody, lifeless, no motivation and repeat waves of shame for letting myself, my family and all of you down. What a truly kingsize fool I really am. Oh, and just to prove my level of foolishness, I spent many minutes/hours on Saturday and Sunday thinking about getting more tablets from the medicine cupboard and swallowing them, just to ‘help me get through the negative feelings’. I’m happy to say that I did not succumb again and my addictive voice has quietened a bit today, thankfully.
I’m writing this sat at my desk at work and wishing my weekend had been different and not wasted by my own weakness and chemical addictions. Feeling down
Anyway, today is day-3 for me again and I’m trying again
Hoping you are all well and life is being kind to you.
Cheers, FC
Why don't you print this out and stick it on the fridge?
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