Nightowl

Well I finally found the courage to tell him I needed him to leave. I just couldn't take all the dysfunction any more. It was a huge relief. I was frightened. I think it is hard to ever really trust an alcoholic. I was always afraid that he would become angry or say something inappropriate in front of my kids. The kids seem relieved as well. I had no idea how stressed we all were. No wonder my anxious child was having such a rough time.

I feel quite embarassed that my life got to this point. I know my ex-husband (who never liked SO) is saying "I told you so". I know it is my codie behavior that even cares what he thinks. He blames me for all of the kids' problems. Never mind that he is a controlling, critical, negative man that doesn't know the meaning of the word "fun". My girls and I decided though that we are better off for having SO live here for nearly a year. He was good for us in many ways. So I am grateful to him for that. But I am glad that all the turmoil that came with his a-ism and his son's a-ism is behind us now. It truly was more than I could take.

Thank you all for listening. My friends and family don't want to talk about it as they thought I was nuts for staying with him for as long as I did. It's hard when you feel like everyone is judging you. I know I need to work on this. I finished the Cod No More book and it is helping me identify all these issues within me. I am finally ready to work on myself, by myself. I don't need a man to be happy.

myles1

Good for you Nightowl. No, you don't need a man to be happy,certainly not a sick one.

Ngaire

Nightowl

thanks Myles. I am realizing I only seem attracted to or attract the sick ones. Not sure how to overcome that. I will try to find an Al-Anon meeting to attend and I am reading the Cod No More book like a bible and doing the activities in there. I have a lot of healing and growing to do. I was raised by a mother who was sexually abused by her father and emotionally/physically abused by her mother. My mom is 70 and quite a train wreck of a human being. She still affects me to this day. I have an eating disorder to also attend to. Some days it all seems so overwhelming. But I am trying to learn the concept of one day at a time. I am not too good at it yet.

The hard part is that I do love my SO very very much. I think we were the right people together but our "issues" don't allow us to have a healthy relationship. He is trying to go back to the Gulf (he's a retired Marine and they may let him return). I don't want him to go. I guess I always thought he would stick around and we might work something out in the future. I miss him a lot. More than I thought I would. I don't think I am being manipulated but I am not sure I would know it if it were happening.

I hate not having a healthy relationship. I haven't had one ever in my life. When will it happen? I have a lot of love to give. I love my children but it just isnt' the same. It makes me sad beyond belief to be alone again. My sister has been divorced and alone (hardly any dates) for 10 years. The thought of that depresses me. But the thought of being hurt again and in an unhealthy relationship again depresses me even more. I think I am more equipped to avoid that now. I hope.

Just saw this smilie and have to use it!! God Bless the Marines. They are a special group of men. Some of the best. Unfortunately it seems that war changes men and not for the better.

myles1

Hi Nightowl,

War changes everyone and not for the better unfortunately.

I'm 42 and this is my first pretty healthy relationship EVER in my life. And that happened because of 6 + years of A.A and Alanon program and working on myself. It takes time but we can get there. Before recovery and the first couple of years of I attracted some pretty screwed up men and that was indicative of my unhealthy state of mind.

Sounds to me by your kids being more relaxed you made the right decision.

As far as your sister goes 10 years alone, don't compare yourself to that. That could be a personal choice on her part.

Being alone for a time is good, it gives us a chance to clear our head and focus on ourselves. Time alone can be a very positive and growing experience. I know for me it was.

Ngaire

smoke gets in my eyes

((( Niteowl! )))

On to better days.

Hugs,
Smoke