Most difficult summer of my life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 7
Most difficult summer of my life
Hi,
Since I last posted, my situation has changed dramatically. Sadly, I had trouble with a close friend who knew all about my problems with my dad. She really hurt me and the situation caused me to have some horrible panic, regret, and guilt. Worst of all, this happened right after I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. I thought/think/am-not-sure that my father sexually abused me when I was younger and that I repressed the memories for all this time (brought on by reading a story about sexual abuse). He was/is an alcoholic/drug addict and I haven't seen him since October. This idea simmered in my head through finals, and the past three months of the summer. Turns out, my counselor thinks that it is just the anxiety I had surrounding anything to do with my father manifesting into a bad memory. I have been going to counseling the whole summer, have a part-time job, and avoided everyone. Some things are good, some bad. Now I am about to go back to school. My counselor thinks I should go on anti-depressants. I have been struggling with my body image all summer and am terrified that they will make me gain weight. Also, many of my family members are on meds and they have always scared me. I want to be in a good place this coming year as I am scheduled to study abroad in my spring semester of college (sophomore year). Sorry that this is all such a jumble. Has anyone experienced a similar situation in any way? What did you do? Any advice?
Since I last posted, my situation has changed dramatically. Sadly, I had trouble with a close friend who knew all about my problems with my dad. She really hurt me and the situation caused me to have some horrible panic, regret, and guilt. Worst of all, this happened right after I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. I thought/think/am-not-sure that my father sexually abused me when I was younger and that I repressed the memories for all this time (brought on by reading a story about sexual abuse). He was/is an alcoholic/drug addict and I haven't seen him since October. This idea simmered in my head through finals, and the past three months of the summer. Turns out, my counselor thinks that it is just the anxiety I had surrounding anything to do with my father manifesting into a bad memory. I have been going to counseling the whole summer, have a part-time job, and avoided everyone. Some things are good, some bad. Now I am about to go back to school. My counselor thinks I should go on anti-depressants. I have been struggling with my body image all summer and am terrified that they will make me gain weight. Also, many of my family members are on meds and they have always scared me. I want to be in a good place this coming year as I am scheduled to study abroad in my spring semester of college (sophomore year). Sorry that this is all such a jumble. Has anyone experienced a similar situation in any way? What did you do? Any advice?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Hi coco,
Welcome back to SR. I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I have thought in the past I may have been sexually abused. Even today the best I can say is I am not sure but I dont think so. But, I have had some bad experiences that have caused some dysfunctions.
What I can say for certain is I was profoundly neglected and left in.situations and with people that were not safe. And that was done by my mom.
I take an SNRI type of anti depressant and it has literally saved my life. Dont dismiss the help from a medication.
Welcome back to SR. I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I have thought in the past I may have been sexually abused. Even today the best I can say is I am not sure but I dont think so. But, I have had some bad experiences that have caused some dysfunctions.
What I can say for certain is I was profoundly neglected and left in.situations and with people that were not safe. And that was done by my mom.
I take an SNRI type of anti depressant and it has literally saved my life. Dont dismiss the help from a medication.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I still do not have many specific, concrete memories of it, but it happened. Even something that is not a well formed recollection can have a huge ripple effect on your psychic pond.
I have also struggled with depression, and have used medication in the past. I did not gain any weight from the meds, they actually suppressed my appetite. I had to remind myself to eat because I didn't feel hungry.
Now I manage my depression with yoga, exercise, healthy eating, meditation and general good self care. But in order to start doing that good self care I needed the meds as a kick start to get me out of that initial rut so I had the will, desire and energy to start doing those healthy things.
If I ever felt like I needed the meds again, I would take them. They are a good tool for starting the healing process.
Big hugs.
I have also struggled with depression, and have used medication in the past. I did not gain any weight from the meds, they actually suppressed my appetite. I had to remind myself to eat because I didn't feel hungry.
Now I manage my depression with yoga, exercise, healthy eating, meditation and general good self care. But in order to start doing that good self care I needed the meds as a kick start to get me out of that initial rut so I had the will, desire and energy to start doing those healthy things.
If I ever felt like I needed the meds again, I would take them. They are a good tool for starting the healing process.
Big hugs.
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