Something I needed from my daughter
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Something I needed from my daughter
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I love that you can take this to heart, jezza. I have had so many conversations like this with my alcoholic mother and my codependent father, only to have them go in one ear and out the other, like we never even talked. It breaks my heart to watch their descent and not be able to do anything about it.
Use this love as strength to love yourself enough to quit.
Use this love as strength to love yourself enough to quit.
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Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
I love that you can take this to heart, jezza. I have had so many conversations like this with my alcoholic mother and my codependent father, only to have them go in one ear and out the other, like we never even talked. It breaks my heart to watch their descent and not be able to do anything about it.
Use this love as strength to love yourself enough to quit.
Use this love as strength to love yourself enough to quit.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I hope you do it. My X has made so many empty promises to my daughter, and their relationship shows it. She obviously loves you so much, think about her every time you are tempted.
Good Luck and God Bless!
Good Luck and God Bless!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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This can be the last time you ever feel this miserable and ashamed. It never has to happen again. You can kick that garbage out of your life and have a whole new beginning. I'm glad your daughter had the courage to confront you about this - my family was too afraid and embarrassed. You can do this J. 
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 49
Thank you for sharing this, I have a young daughter that my drinking really upsets her. I through out a bottle of wine and she said that was the best day of her life. Then 2 days later I lied to her about a bottle of wine I bought saying I needed to repay it back to a friend. She then saw me drunk and said "I knew you couldn't stop" Heartbreaking! So hear I am starting over at day 1. I will be rooting for you Jezza! Lets do this!!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Jezza, keep this letter on your phone of somewhere easily accessible, and look at it each time you feel down or contemplate drinking. Or look at this thread. Maybe it helps.
I had a series of really bad binges at the end of last year, before I quit. I called my father (who lives far away from me) several times, or he called, when I was blackout drunk. I told him things that scared the *** out of him and usually just ended the conversation without any explanation to him. He never knew that I drank alcoholically and had absolutely no idea what was wrong with me, just downright paranoid, and would call me hours later in the middle of the night to ask what was it. Of course I kept making up stories and lying to him. He 83 years old...
He was definitely one of my inspirations when I quit drinking in January, I love him very much. Many times when I had urges to drink, I would recall those phone conversations... I mean the mess I could remember from them. It did help me.
Please try again, you can do it!
I had a series of really bad binges at the end of last year, before I quit. I called my father (who lives far away from me) several times, or he called, when I was blackout drunk. I told him things that scared the *** out of him and usually just ended the conversation without any explanation to him. He never knew that I drank alcoholically and had absolutely no idea what was wrong with me, just downright paranoid, and would call me hours later in the middle of the night to ask what was it. Of course I kept making up stories and lying to him. He 83 years old...
He was definitely one of my inspirations when I quit drinking in January, I love him very much. Many times when I had urges to drink, I would recall those phone conversations... I mean the mess I could remember from them. It did help me.
Please try again, you can do it!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Jezza,
Not too long ago my 17 year old Son, who had stopped talking to me, once again saw me intoxicated. " Dad, no one else will say it to you - I will. You're an AH and a drunk. I asked mom if she and I could move out!"
Well, that was it for me - really long time coming.
Fast forward till today; I am 53 days sober, attending daily meetings (90 in 90 days) and have taken action. My son had the opportunity to go on a trip with friend and his family.
It wasn't cheap, but the booze money I saved will pay for it. He sent me an email today - they are scuba diving in Cayman's. The email closed with Dad, thank you so much for all you do for me. I miss you and cannot wait to see you. Love, xxxxx
THIS is pure evidence of God's grace to me. It may appear to some he was just bought off - nothing is farther from the truth. He had sunk to utter despair as had I. Within 10 days I saw hope in his eyes - within 3 weeks promises being fulfilled. I will guard my sobriety jealously TODAY!!
One has to stay sober for himself I have come to understand, but man - the incentive is pretty strong when we mess up our kids.
I hope the note from your daughter lights the fire under you as it did me jezza. It is certainly with reach. I see the miracle daily in myself and others!!!
From one dad to another -- REALLY glad you're here mate!!!
Not too long ago my 17 year old Son, who had stopped talking to me, once again saw me intoxicated. " Dad, no one else will say it to you - I will. You're an AH and a drunk. I asked mom if she and I could move out!"
Well, that was it for me - really long time coming.
Fast forward till today; I am 53 days sober, attending daily meetings (90 in 90 days) and have taken action. My son had the opportunity to go on a trip with friend and his family.
It wasn't cheap, but the booze money I saved will pay for it. He sent me an email today - they are scuba diving in Cayman's. The email closed with Dad, thank you so much for all you do for me. I miss you and cannot wait to see you. Love, xxxxx
THIS is pure evidence of God's grace to me. It may appear to some he was just bought off - nothing is farther from the truth. He had sunk to utter despair as had I. Within 10 days I saw hope in his eyes - within 3 weeks promises being fulfilled. I will guard my sobriety jealously TODAY!!
One has to stay sober for himself I have come to understand, but man - the incentive is pretty strong when we mess up our kids.
I hope the note from your daughter lights the fire under you as it did me jezza. It is certainly with reach. I see the miracle daily in myself and others!!!
From one dad to another -- REALLY glad you're here mate!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Thank you so much for your kind words.. As I said this has been a real eye opener & now is time for change. I'm actually quite happy my daughter wrote those words as god knows when I would have stopped!! In the grave me thinks!!! Gonna save it to my phone, print a copy off & stick it on my pc.... Again, thank you for your support... This site rocks!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Not too long ago, a friend of mine died, a fellow alcoholic, leaving his kids without a Dad and his grandkids without a granddad.
It's clear to me you have a lot of people who love you very much and who are rooting for you Jezza. Please use that, ok?
D
It's clear to me you have a lot of people who love you very much and who are rooting for you Jezza. Please use that, ok?
D
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Jezza, the good that has come out of my mother's alcoholism, is that it is what woke me up from my own problem with alcohol. I have been sober for 10 months and I am an open, honest, present mother to my children. I have vowed to my eldest two children (who are old enough to understand my mother's alcoholism) that they will NEVER have to worry about my state of being in any event that is important to them. I now realize that alcoholism is a slippery slope and the only way that I can keep this promise to myself and to my children, is if I stay sober.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
You can't change whats been done but you can change going fwd. Its time to wake up for you and your son and daughter. Show her how you can get over this addiction, as it might be the most important thing can you teach either of your children.
My heart breaks for her...actions speak louder than tears. I hope you put this into action, I would save that letter and maybe shrink it and keep a copy in your wallet.
My heart breaks for her...actions speak louder than tears. I hope you put this into action, I would save that letter and maybe shrink it and keep a copy in your wallet.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
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Originally Posted by jdooner
You can't change whats been done but you can change going fwd. Its time to wake up for you and your son and daughter. Show her how you can get over this addiction, as it might be the most important thing can you teach either of your children.
My heart breaks for her...actions speak louder than tears. I hope you put this into action, I would save that letter and maybe shrink it and keep a copy in your wallet.
My heart breaks for her...actions speak louder than tears. I hope you put this into action, I would save that letter and maybe shrink it and keep a copy in your wallet.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Wow. That brought tears to my eyes. Theres no worse feeling than hurting or disappointing your children. You can tell how much she loves you, and thats great that she's expressing her feelings and giving you a chance rather than cutting you off completely. . That says you've been a good dad to her and she really wants you in her life. I love that you sent her a link so she can see your trying! My dad was an alcoholic and drug addict and he never apologized, or even tried to change. If I had a problem with it, it was MY problem and I had to take it or leave. Till this day, he still doesnt feel he owes me an apology. Girls need their dad, no matter how old! I hope you keep this letter as a reminder and as motivation to change! Its never too late to be a good parent. Good for you for trying!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
Jezza,
Not too long ago my 17 year old Son, who had stopped talking to me, once again saw me intoxicated. " Dad, no one else will say it to you - I will. You're an AH and a drunk. I asked mom if she and I could move out!"
Well, that was it for me - really long time coming.
Fast forward till today; I am 53 days sober, attending daily meetings (90 in 90 days) and have taken action. My son had the opportunity to go on a trip with friend and his family.
It wasn't cheap, but the booze money I saved will pay for it. He sent me an email today - they are scuba diving in Cayman's. The email closed with Dad, thank you so much for all you do for me. I miss you and cannot wait to see you. Love, xxxxx
THIS is pure evidence of God's grace to me. It may appear to some he was just bought off - nothing is farther from the truth. He had sunk to utter despair as had I. Within 10 days I saw hope in his eyes - within 3 weeks promises being fulfilled. I will guard my sobriety jealously TODAY!!
One has to stay sober for himself I have come to understand, but man - the incentive is pretty strong when we mess up our kids.
I hope the note from your daughter lights the fire under you as it did me jezza. It is certainly with reach. I see the miracle daily in myself and others!!!
From one dad to another -- REALLY glad you're here mate!!!
Not too long ago my 17 year old Son, who had stopped talking to me, once again saw me intoxicated. " Dad, no one else will say it to you - I will. You're an AH and a drunk. I asked mom if she and I could move out!"
Well, that was it for me - really long time coming.
Fast forward till today; I am 53 days sober, attending daily meetings (90 in 90 days) and have taken action. My son had the opportunity to go on a trip with friend and his family.
It wasn't cheap, but the booze money I saved will pay for it. He sent me an email today - they are scuba diving in Cayman's. The email closed with Dad, thank you so much for all you do for me. I miss you and cannot wait to see you. Love, xxxxx
THIS is pure evidence of God's grace to me. It may appear to some he was just bought off - nothing is farther from the truth. He had sunk to utter despair as had I. Within 10 days I saw hope in his eyes - within 3 weeks promises being fulfilled. I will guard my sobriety jealously TODAY!!
One has to stay sober for himself I have come to understand, but man - the incentive is pretty strong when we mess up our kids.
I hope the note from your daughter lights the fire under you as it did me jezza. It is certainly with reach. I see the miracle daily in myself and others!!!
From one dad to another -- REALLY glad you're here mate!!!
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