Squirrely

So I've had an issue with alcohol since 15. However i have been able to finish my education and maintain good employment. But part of my job is dealing with addiction. I feel like such a hypocrite. I tell people not to do these things and come home and binge drink til I pass out. I want to go to AA as I have done in the past which helped me quit for a whole 30 days... but now I'm worried about seeing my clients in there which could compromise my job. Don't know what to do. Suggestions?

Dee74

Hi squirrely

I understand the reluctance...yet I know I'd rather see my counsellor, case worker, or whoever at an AA meeting than drunk in a bar....

To me that means you've not only got the diplomas but you've walked the walk as well

D

Aellyce

Hi, I am in a similar boat, being an alcoholic and doing work on addiction. I know so well what you mean by feeling like a hypocrite... I'm only 6 months sober but have been doing this work for ~4 years now. That cognitive dissonance in the past was awful for me, it really caused me a lot of stress having this "split" between my mind and my actions. Have you quit drinking yet? I can tell you it makes a whole world of difference in self-esteem in many ways, no longer feeling like a POS not being able to walk the talk is just one thing.

I also hear ya on the fear of running into people you know via work, in AA meetings. Well, I have never gotten into AA intensely, but have been to a few meetings and your fear was exactly my fear before I went to the first meeting. Well, think about it! It is indeed possible that you will see your clients in AA, but could such encounters really compromise your job? First of all, anyone you could potentially meet there would be there for the same reason. What harm could they cause, in a practical way? Could anyone get you in any legal trouble using your AA attendance? Does your job description state you cannot attend AA or be in recovery yourself? It's very different, in my opinion, from being an active alcoholic or being caught drinking on the job. If you remain sober, I really don't think AA or any method you use could put you in conflict with your job situation, given that you are doing your duties there. Have you ever had a trouble at work due to your drinking directly, being caught etc? Do you live in a small town?

As for the anxiety about what to do if you do run into your clients at the meetings - I was given some great advice when I debated this for myself several months ago. It has not happened to me (but again, I did not go to many meetings), but basically the thing to do would be not to shy away and pretend you are invisible, but acknowledge you have noticed them and greet them in a friendly way. No need to get into a discussion about why you are there as it would be obvious.

Of course there is also the alternative that you don't use AA this time but find other, perhaps more "private" methods to aid your recovery. I've ended up being a very active and consistent poster on SR (that was how it started for me also), see a therapist (not for addiction mainly but it does come up of course), and just try to implement a lot of lifestyle changes. I'm also quite into mindfulness and meditation, and use these as help for my recovery. It's been working so far. However, if you did try AA previously and it helped you, I would recommend going that way again, but perhaps consider other methods as well. Why did you go back to drinking after 30 days?

Anyhow, I would not be afraid of going to AA, sobriety cannot hurt your job, I think. Remaining an active drinker can harm everything for sure!

Eddiebuckle

Go to meetings in other towns. I have a sponsee who has a doctorate, counsels people at a local organization that serves many who suffer from addiction. This is not as uncommon as you think, the important thing to accept is that sobriety is required for your career, not the other way around. It is difficult to go to meetings and open up if clients are in the room - so find a new meeting or find a new job.

Hereandnow2

I'm in the same boat as you. I have been going to meetings that are not in the area that I work. I will most likely start going to some meetings where I work when I have a bit more sobriety. I'm only 59 days. However, people in aa are so non judge mental it think if I see someone u know they will respect me enough to keep it to themselves. If not I will deal with it when it comes!

awuh1

Just a thought, but how about total honesty? First go to your employer and tell them you feel like a hypocrite because you are drinking. Tell them that you are going to go back to AA and make your best effort to turn things around. If your employer knows even a little about AA, they should be able to appreciate that honesty. Tell them you will do what it takes to make things right. IMO it would be a great beginning, and you would be setting a fantastic example for when you eventually choose to share the experience with your clients.

DisplacedGRITS

when i had my first meeting with my new psychiatrist, he asked how i found him. i said that he was in my insurance's plan and his location was convenient. turns out, he's a member of AA as well. he even told me his home group and invited me there. i trust him like i've never trusted another psych. the best councilors i've had have been the ones with addiction issues in their past. i understand why you're worried about seeing someone in AA but i hope you don't use that as an excuse to avoid doing something you don't want to commit to. go to the meetings. it's better to be seen in AA than to be living the life of an active alcoholic. go.

IOAA2

Hi. In the many years in AA there have been many in the recovery field in the program. Knowing people react differently I’d prefer seeing someone in the field “walk the talk” if I were new.

BE WELL

soberclover

I'm in the same boat too. I have found that many people have the assumption that if we are in the addiction/recovery field, we have some type of experience with the topic. I like the earlier suggestion about going to meeting at another town; you may run in to people but much more likely if you attend a meeting in another county. I see an individual therapist as I can talk very openly about whatever I need to and I know that it will be confidential. May be this can supplement your meeting?