junk2006

Hello Everyone,

So my brother is doing well he just got out of rehab and I am really proud of his progress but I am worried about him because his kids and even my own brothers and sisters are distant from him. He has mentioned that he feels awkward after coming out of rehab and that he needs to work on his social skills, I just don't want him to feel isolated but at the same time I want time for my own social life and there are plenty of awkward moments since he got out.

I just want to know how can I help my family start accepting him again?
He wants sober good friends how do I help him find this?
How can I make him closer to his kids?
How can I help him not feel isolated from the family?

Eddiebuckle

I went through rehab and found myself in a similar situation. All of the things you ask are "inside jobs" as they say in AA - they are things that he will need to do for himself. If he honestly works a program of recovery that includes an honest assessment of himself and how he got to this place, he will figure these things out.

Look at those four questions. All of them are related to who he is, what relationships he has, and his self esteem. These are aspects of being a healthy human being: to attempt to accomplish these things for him will only deny him the critical growth necessary to become the sober man he needs to be. They are well intentioned, but in truth a gross violation of his emotional boundaries. Please love him enough to let him figure these things out himself - they are a prerequisite for becoming sober.

Ann

The first three items are not yours to fix, dear. His recovery includes making amends and healing relationships in his own way and in his own time. Most times those who have been hurt by addictive behaviour take a while to trust again and to forgive. Let the process unfold as it will.

The last item is best done by letting him know you love him and encourage his recovery.

I am happy for your brother, that he is clean today. The "real" recovery begins after rehab, when he gets to apply what he has learned there to his real life and learns to accept life on life's terms. Life will not always be easy for him...it isn't always easy for any of us. But we grow with each lesson learned and become wiser for the journey.

Hugs

zoso77

Your brother is not a helpless child. He's an adult, and should be treated as an adult. So it's on him to forge friendships with healthier people and it's on him to improve his relationships with his kids.

Regarding the family, the only thing you can do is mind your own behavior. The rest of the family will make up their own minds.

hopeful4

You cannot make your family start accepting him again. He is going to have to prove himself to them through his behavior and actions. He is going to have to earn their trust which won't come easily.

He can find good sober friends by choosing activities where there are sober people. AA, Celebrate Recovery, etc.

You cannot make him closer to his kids. Again, being close to your kids is something he will earn through trust, or he won't. That is up to him.

You can make him not feel isolated by involving him in events and gatherings. Take it easy at first, it takes time. Think short stints at first.

Celebrate Recovery is for the entire family, including children. If possible, go as a family so you can all heal together. You will be separated during small group, but it's a good thing. I encourage you to check that out. I credit CR for my sanity!

Good luck to all of you!

Amysad

He is lucky to have you and is even more lucky to have a family member who is willing to let it go....but protect yourself and listen to what everyone has said here. I went to bat from my AD with family members and she turned on them and tried to disparage our family. You must come first in your life - he needs to do his work including fending for himself. Prayers to you.