Meraviglioso

Hi, I am really nervous about a dinner I have tonight, which I will be hosting at my house and will need to offer wine at. I have found in the past the things that help me feel strong are constantly letting positive thoughts run through my head of the benefits of not drinking. Can you share yours here? I would especially like to hear when you started to feel more clear in your head, when your skin started to look better, what you discovered in your early days of sobriety. I like to have a goal in mind- if I can just make it through tonight I'll be one day closer to the xx days when generally people start feeling more clear" or something similar. Then of course when I reach that goal I'll make a new one to continue. I would really appreciate any and all positive symptoms, thoughts, feelings or motivational quotes you can think of. Also, please, if you are a mother, it has helped me tremendously to read your stories. Thank you!

Mags1

Hi Meraviglioso, my aim is to not take that first drink.
Ensure you have plenty of soft drinks in your own glass.
Have an answer ready if anyone puts a drink in your hand.

You will find you can enjoy the evening better without alcohol, at Christmas I went to a works do and their was bottles of wine all along the table. I drank tonic water but was concerned if anyone tried to push a drink to me. The bottles moved down the table to people who were drinking, no one even noticed I wasn't drinking.

As for the benefits, no fog, you can think clearer, you're not hung over for your children, you can drive without the concern of drink driving.

Everything isn't a drama anymore, for me, everything seemed hard work.

Enjoy the evening and remember you're doing you, your body and brain and most importantly your family a huge compliment, by not taking that first drink.x

Siesta

Hi Miraviglioso,
The benefits of not drinking are endless. Everything about sober life is better. To me, when I see people drinking, I feel like they are missing out on a beautiful reality. Everything smells better, looks better, and feels real now. I treasure the clarity that I have in day to day situations and I don't know how I survived before in such a haze. Especially with children involved. I'm so happy to be there fully for them now. Our relationships have grown tremendously.
As for serving wine at a dinner party, I agree that you should have a go to non alcoholic drink for yourself and have it in your hand as much as possible. My job includes serving alcohol, and I found it very difficult at first to be near it. It's a dangerous situation to put yourself in but you can do it. It's never worth giving in to that first drink.

MythOfSisyphus

You can do it, Meraviglioso! Most of the time people won't pay much attention to who is drinking. Mostly just drunks monitor other's drinking! If you feel pressured, a pretty effective "white lie" is to say you're talking medication (antibiotics is a good choice) that precludes drinking.

You are right- it does get better, and it gets easier. At least it has for me.

petals

Good advice , not really got anything else to add, just my support.xx

Dee74

Hi Meraviglioso

This is a link about American Thanksgiving but it has some great ideas for any kind of social occasion.

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

Make sure you think about all the possible scenarios - what to say if you are offered a drink, what to say when people ask why you're not drinking...what you can do if you really want to drink...

There are some cravings tips here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

I know it's at your home, but try and have a safe place where you can go and compose yourself (even if it's the bathroom)

I really recommend that you think about not entertaining for a while after this.
Early recovery is tough - there's really no need to make it tougher

best wishes
D

Meraviglioso

You are so right Dee, I really should not be entertaining as that is one of my weak spots. I love to cook and think of menus and select all the right touches including the wine. I also get nervous before being the hostess and in the past would drink from the afternoon on while cooking. After tonight I will not be hosting any more dinner for a while until I am past the initial stress of quitting.
I of course don't have to do anything, I could cancel. But you know how it is, in the real time and space of things there are obligations and feelings that have to be considered. We have been trying to get together for MONTHS, but it has always been something or other that we had to cancel. I just cancelled on them on Tuesday and we rescheduled for tonight. Well Wednesday I had had enough of the drinking and decided to stop. I certainly didn't want to put off the quitting as I was feeling so determined yesterday. But I also feel like I can't cancel on them again.
I had a really intense moment in the grocery store buying the wine. Just holding the bottle did something to me. My mind said "screw it, you're drinking some of that tonight!" but I fought back and let is pass and within about 5 minutes I felt like the me that wants to quit had taken back over my brain and I am resolved to not drink tonight. I HAVE to remember that tonight, because I am sure I will see the wine and want to have a go at it. I need to remember how quickly the craving passed today.

I also do plan to say I am taking antibiotics. I don't know these people well enough to tell them about my problem and honestly it is so soon I don't really feel like talking about it with people who just don't understand anyway.

I went to the gym this morning, which I do everyday, even with terrible hangovers. I felt so good and had so much more energy throughout my workout. I will also use that tonight as one of my things to remember when I want to drink. Thanks everyone for your words. Thanks Siesta also for that mention of how things seem more real and beautiful now. One reason (of the many) I am quitting is that I have SO many wonderful things in my life that I feel like I just completely miss out on because I am too drunk to notice or really be there.

Gilmer

I have been obliged to entertain at a big party at which people drank beer which we provided. When I found myself getting angry (from sheer bitter jealousy) and wanting to scourge them with whips and drive them out of my house, I just ran upstairs to my room for a few minutes and posted on SR. People had my back immediately. I just slipped out for a couple minutes at a time, about three times--nobody noticed--it was the same length of time as a bathroom break.

Plus, they were too busy having a good time that nobody really noticed my absence, anyway!

You will get through it.

Posting on SR always helps.

About the kids--just keep on hanging on. the older they get, the better life gets--and the easier and more pleasant life gets! I had five! Thought I was going to die, but I made it!

Croissant

That's a good idea. I did that at a wedding once. Escaped to the carpark and posted here. It's nice to know people are thinking of you and want you to win!

IOAA2

Hi. Each of us have certain abilities regarding our sobriety and how to maintain it. As an old-timer I advise newcomers to stay as far away from alcohol as possible as we never know when the AV will kick in, so we need a training period.
From my start of sobriety I used frequently the phrase “ If I don’t pick up the first drink I won’t have to try to get sober AGAIN.

BE WELL

melki

I have to run, but I'm very interested in your journey and wish you well!!! Please post your updates.

I too really enjoy cooking and entertaining. What worked well for me the last time I had a gathering at our place was BYOB (bring your own beer) so when people asked me what they could bring I'd say bring whatever you'd like to drink. I planned to let them take it with them or pour it out when the party was over. Don't know if this is socially acceptable in Italy. Whatever you do, protect your sobriety! Don't pick up that first drink. It's poison for you now, bleh! For the first days and weeks I chanted "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind". Wishing you the best to get through tonight and move forward! Oh oh, and I was a much better host when I wasn't worried whether I drank too much before the guest arrived, while the guests were there, and waiting for them to leave so I could now drink as much as I wanted. I could really enjoy the company and myself. Wish I could take more time to write more supportive words for you, but believe me getting sober is VERY WORTH IT!!!

GotGrace

Hi from a mom of 4! I am just sending you my support. I agree with all the above who said just don't pick up that first drink. I also found that my anticipation of an event such as yours was way worse than the event itself; once things got rolling and I realized that I was doing fine without alcohol I was able to relax and enjoy being fully engaged in my guests. No more being preoccupied about my next drink.

Have a wonderful evening. You can do it!!!

Oh, and I am all in favor of the antibiotics excuse. All's fair in love, war, and staying sober.

PurpleKnight

No harm in taking a few breathers throughout the evening if you need them, whether outside for a few minutes or in the restroom, just to clear the head if things get too much!!

Moving forward, probably some time without putting your Sobriety at risk might be best, just to get some Sober time under your belt!!

You can do this!!