Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 13
Hello
Day five and all's well.
I don't know where to start. This is my third try at sobriety. The first lasted five years, the second two. The first I did by myself. It was easy because I was young and probably not all that addicted. I just knew that I didn't like the person I was when I was drunk, and I was drunk every time I drank so I figured, "Well, don't drink at all then." The second time was AA. My life had basically fallen apart. I never really liked AA, and someone at a meeting pissed me off so I left the meeting and went to a bar.
That kicked off a five-year period of drinking. I tried to control it, and did -- sort of. Always gave my liver a couple days a week to rest. Didn't drink during the day. Only drank beer. Often limited myself to two or three. But... you know how things go. I was drinking too much, and I didn't like the person I was when I was drunk. I was also waking up most mornings with a mild hangover which isn't good.
Then I started getting abdominal pains, and that freaked me out big time. One day the pain was so intense that I thought I might be dying so I went to the doctor. I was honest with him about how much I drank. He took my vitals and did some blood work. Had a scan on my belly. Some cysts on my gallbladder, apparently, but nothing to worry about. He gave me a clean bill of health, actually said I was extremely healthy by the numbers, and told me that he didn't think I'm an alcoholic but that I do drink too much. The pain was probably abdominal muscle spasms which can be very painful apparently.
But I noticed that I only had the pain on days after which I had been drinking and that it went away on my "liver rest" days. My body is telling me something that my doctor doesn't see for some reason.
Also, I still don't like the person I am when drunk, not that I'm a mean drunk or anything. I'm just foolish and loudmouthed. It's amazing that I haven't been stabbed or shot in a bar, frankly.
Anyway, I need to quit. I've wasted too much money and my health is definitely starting to suffer, no matter what the doctor says. Personally, I don't like AA. Can't stand it. Makes me want to drink. Ritual of any kind strikes me as stupid. Pithy maxims make me want to scream. Churches depress me, let alone their basements, and I don't believe in any sort of god or "higher power" that gives two craps about anyone's ****** little life. The universe spins around forever and it's way bigger than we are. If there's a god, he's got bigger things to worry about than whether or not I drink myself to death. I know AA has saved a lot of lives, but it's really not for me.
But I really need to quit for good. After just five days, I feel great, and I know it's just going to get better (if I can keep it going)!
Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who has tried AA and found it not helpful but who really wants to quit? Thanks!
I don't know where to start. This is my third try at sobriety. The first lasted five years, the second two. The first I did by myself. It was easy because I was young and probably not all that addicted. I just knew that I didn't like the person I was when I was drunk, and I was drunk every time I drank so I figured, "Well, don't drink at all then." The second time was AA. My life had basically fallen apart. I never really liked AA, and someone at a meeting pissed me off so I left the meeting and went to a bar.
That kicked off a five-year period of drinking. I tried to control it, and did -- sort of. Always gave my liver a couple days a week to rest. Didn't drink during the day. Only drank beer. Often limited myself to two or three. But... you know how things go. I was drinking too much, and I didn't like the person I was when I was drunk. I was also waking up most mornings with a mild hangover which isn't good.
Then I started getting abdominal pains, and that freaked me out big time. One day the pain was so intense that I thought I might be dying so I went to the doctor. I was honest with him about how much I drank. He took my vitals and did some blood work. Had a scan on my belly. Some cysts on my gallbladder, apparently, but nothing to worry about. He gave me a clean bill of health, actually said I was extremely healthy by the numbers, and told me that he didn't think I'm an alcoholic but that I do drink too much. The pain was probably abdominal muscle spasms which can be very painful apparently.
But I noticed that I only had the pain on days after which I had been drinking and that it went away on my "liver rest" days. My body is telling me something that my doctor doesn't see for some reason.
Also, I still don't like the person I am when drunk, not that I'm a mean drunk or anything. I'm just foolish and loudmouthed. It's amazing that I haven't been stabbed or shot in a bar, frankly.
Anyway, I need to quit. I've wasted too much money and my health is definitely starting to suffer, no matter what the doctor says. Personally, I don't like AA. Can't stand it. Makes me want to drink. Ritual of any kind strikes me as stupid. Pithy maxims make me want to scream. Churches depress me, let alone their basements, and I don't believe in any sort of god or "higher power" that gives two craps about anyone's ****** little life. The universe spins around forever and it's way bigger than we are. If there's a god, he's got bigger things to worry about than whether or not I drink myself to death. I know AA has saved a lot of lives, but it's really not for me.
But I really need to quit for good. After just five days, I feel great, and I know it's just going to get better (if I can keep it going)!
Does anyone have any advice for someone like me who has tried AA and found it not helpful but who really wants to quit? Thanks!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Hitting ROCK BOTTEM! The word of God and my faith in it is helping me to climb up out of my bottom.
Hebrews 11:1- Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.
I know this staying sober thing is the hardest struggle you have ever had to conquer, but you got to start visualizing yourself free. Then you have to do some serious work and really use all the supports and resources u can! I mean prayer, AA,SR, medical professionals and your real self. You can not do it alone!
When you really get tired of this monster beating the crap outta U u will fight back! But please don't wait too long to get sick and tired!
And trust me as I'm writing this to you I'm speaking to myself!
I been trying to get sober for 10 years . Some of the things you said i could so identify with. I use to think AA made me drink but now I know I drank after meetings because I am a ALCOHOLIC... plain and simple!
God bless!
Hebrews 11:1- Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.
I know this staying sober thing is the hardest struggle you have ever had to conquer, but you got to start visualizing yourself free. Then you have to do some serious work and really use all the supports and resources u can! I mean prayer, AA,SR, medical professionals and your real self. You can not do it alone!
When you really get tired of this monster beating the crap outta U u will fight back! But please don't wait too long to get sick and tired!
And trust me as I'm writing this to you I'm speaking to myself!
I been trying to get sober for 10 years . Some of the things you said i could so identify with. I use to think AA made me drink but now I know I drank after meetings because I am a ALCOHOLIC... plain and simple!
God bless!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Aliso Viejo, CA
Posts: 863
Smiling Light,
Congrats on five days and congrats on making the decision to quit despite what your doc thinks. If you don't like yourself drunk, then that's a great reason to stop. I'm not an AA person, although I'm not against it. I know it helps people. I'm not religious so it's too uncomfortable for me to go there and talk about a higher power. Instead, I come to SR and read. It has been a huge help.
The thing about your post that worries me is you said AA makes you want to drink. I think as an alcoholic we could insert anything in place of AA and say "........ makes me want to drink". If I want to drink, I can come up with any excuse. My way around that is to not let my mind go down that path of thinking. Nothing can make me want to drink now because nothing has that power over me. I make the choices, not the alcoholic in me. It has taken strength and practice to get myself to this point and it's so worth it. Keep going.
Congrats on five days and congrats on making the decision to quit despite what your doc thinks. If you don't like yourself drunk, then that's a great reason to stop. I'm not an AA person, although I'm not against it. I know it helps people. I'm not religious so it's too uncomfortable for me to go there and talk about a higher power. Instead, I come to SR and read. It has been a huge help.
The thing about your post that worries me is you said AA makes you want to drink. I think as an alcoholic we could insert anything in place of AA and say "........ makes me want to drink". If I want to drink, I can come up with any excuse. My way around that is to not let my mind go down that path of thinking. Nothing can make me want to drink now because nothing has that power over me. I make the choices, not the alcoholic in me. It has taken strength and practice to get myself to this point and it's so worth it. Keep going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi SmilingLight - welcome 
There are a variety of approaches being used here at SR.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
Read around and post as much as you need. You'll find a lot of support here
D
There are a variety of approaches being used here at SR.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
Read around and post as much as you need. You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 13
Thanks so much. I'll check out the Secular Connections section.
I didn't mean to bash on AA, by the way. It has saved a lot of lives and works for a lot of people, but it didn't work for me and probably never will.
I didn't mean to bash on AA, by the way. It has saved a lot of lives and works for a lot of people, but it didn't work for me and probably never will.
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