Commitment to recovery or just a ploy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Exton pa
Posts: 153
Commitment to recovery or just a ploy
So many of you have the greatest advice so I have a question......what should you do if your AD says " I'm ready for rehab" ( mind you it will be 7th) BUT I need you to pay AGAIN and I'm only going to detox or a short term program? My concern is While we would want to be supportive it's pretty clear after 8-10 years Of drug use culminating in heroin addiction and possible (inferred only by a counsellor) cocaine use, I don't think that really committing to sobriety and recovery but more like "I need a break so I can keep on using". I read 6 to 1 year minimum and frankly why should I pay again? Can you guys give me your thoughts?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Am I correct that she has been to rehab already six times?? If so, she already knows everything she should be doing to stay clean; she just chooses not to do it. There's no way I'd chunk over a bunch of money a seventh time. The Salvation Army has free rehabilitation services.
Philadelphia Adult Rehabilitation Center
4555 Pechin Street
P.O. Box 26099
PHILADELPHIA
Telephone: 215 483 3340
Email: [email protected], [email protected]
Philadelphia Adult Rehabilitation Center
4555 Pechin Street
P.O. Box 26099
PHILADELPHIA
Telephone: 215 483 3340
Email: [email protected], [email protected]
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Well, I wouldn't trust her after having been burned six times already. If she's serious about recovery, she'll find a way to do it. If it were me, I'd send her the SA information above and let her deal with it. I'm almost willing to bet she'll refuse to go.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I never did pay for any of my son's 10 or more rehabs...the Salvation Army rehabs are excellent and free and our Provincial Health Insurance covers many others.
If she is serious she will accept a free rehab. Most times the success of attending a rehab is directly related to the residents willingness to do what they need to do to stay clean.
Hope this helps.
Hugs
If she is serious she will accept a free rehab. Most times the success of attending a rehab is directly related to the residents willingness to do what they need to do to stay clean.
Hope this helps.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
for some addicts multiple trips to rehab become part of their using cycle....take a break, clean up, eat some FOOD, bathe regularly, and get to do all this in a small protected environment....and in your DD's case, PAID FOR by somebody else.
it's like somebody swooping in and saying "i'll take care of everything, all you have to do is go to this place" - and off they go. for a few days or a few weeks. kind of like a vacation.
but that is all it is....a vacation.
after six trips to rehab she KNOWS EXACTLY what she needs to do to get clean and stay clean. the 7th rehab isn't going to impart any new knowledge that makes it all click. in fact, if she wanted to clean up that bad, she could quit NOW on her own, get her duff to NA meetings and devote her life to recovery. if she really wanted to.....as it is, she said she's ready, but then immediately put conditions on her readiness, and wants YOU to cough up the bucks.
I know it's tough when it's your kid.....but you have TRIED to offer her help and she isn't ready to take it. you can't bankrupt yourself keeping someone sober for 5 or 10 days at a time. SHE CAN RECOVER. but she has to do the WORK.
it's like somebody swooping in and saying "i'll take care of everything, all you have to do is go to this place" - and off they go. for a few days or a few weeks. kind of like a vacation.
but that is all it is....a vacation.
after six trips to rehab she KNOWS EXACTLY what she needs to do to get clean and stay clean. the 7th rehab isn't going to impart any new knowledge that makes it all click. in fact, if she wanted to clean up that bad, she could quit NOW on her own, get her duff to NA meetings and devote her life to recovery. if she really wanted to.....as it is, she said she's ready, but then immediately put conditions on her readiness, and wants YOU to cough up the bucks.
I know it's tough when it's your kid.....but you have TRIED to offer her help and she isn't ready to take it. you can't bankrupt yourself keeping someone sober for 5 or 10 days at a time. SHE CAN RECOVER. but she has to do the WORK.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Not that you are keeping count, but I agree wholeheartedly with everyone! She's got the tools that you already paid for, and if she bailed on the last ones, what makes this time any different? Give her the Salvation Army info or related state resources for addiction recovery and tell her you support her seeking recovery on her own this time. Take care of you!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Amysad 
Wow Anvil - thank you for your frank words z- I think you absolutely have it down pat!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,427
Originally Posted by Ann
Me too, you can always count on Anvil for a good straight answer..shot from the heart and with love.
but when that passes, the love is still there
Hee Hee
From one straignt-shooter to another. . .
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: long island ny
Posts: 64
from one mom to another, i dished out tons of money, drove him, picked him up 8 different in patient rehabs. your daughter knows how she can stay clean, she chooses not to. despite all my money and efforts my son is sitting in jail now, still using. they are great at manipulating use by pulling at our heart strings aren't they. your gut is telling you the truth, go with that. mail her the info for salvation army if she wants it she will get the help. in hindsight i wish i had the knowledge from the people in here alot sooner.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Shoreline area, CT
Posts: 68
Hi Amy, I'm really looking forward to the day your name changes to AmyHappy or at least AmyMeh! (Just kidding).
I think the other folks on here are on track. It does seem like six rehabs were probably enough. At this point, your AD really can find someplace to go that's free and doesn't involve sapping any more of your limited resources. And, it does seem at this point that a limited term stay won't help much anyway. It may be that your AD just wants a place to be "out of the rain" so to speak, for a while, more than anything else.
I know how your heart is breaking over this. Every time with my AS, the thought was the same - well, he's got to get better SOMEtime, and maybe this time is it! Hope springs eternal and all that.
But I do think things change qualitatively as we go along. It isn't like anybody starts out with a clean slate each and every time, KWIM? The history and experiences accumulate and you make new decisions based on those. Just as an example from our situation - of course when our AS was 19, and had "only" been stealing from us and using for 2-3 years, and was newly diagnosed with liver disease, we took a very different approach from the one that we are now. It wasn't until we saw what happened with him, and his using, and his illness, for more than five years, that we reached the decisions that we did. Things could have taken a different path back then, or at many points along the way, but they didn't. And now, we do differently. Nothing wrong with that.
Jane
I think the other folks on here are on track. It does seem like six rehabs were probably enough. At this point, your AD really can find someplace to go that's free and doesn't involve sapping any more of your limited resources. And, it does seem at this point that a limited term stay won't help much anyway. It may be that your AD just wants a place to be "out of the rain" so to speak, for a while, more than anything else.
I know how your heart is breaking over this. Every time with my AS, the thought was the same - well, he's got to get better SOMEtime, and maybe this time is it! Hope springs eternal and all that.
But I do think things change qualitatively as we go along. It isn't like anybody starts out with a clean slate each and every time, KWIM? The history and experiences accumulate and you make new decisions based on those. Just as an example from our situation - of course when our AS was 19, and had "only" been stealing from us and using for 2-3 years, and was newly diagnosed with liver disease, we took a very different approach from the one that we are now. It wasn't until we saw what happened with him, and his using, and his illness, for more than five years, that we reached the decisions that we did. Things could have taken a different path back then, or at many points along the way, but they didn't. And now, we do differently. Nothing wrong with that.
Jane
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Amy,
Be strong, don't think with your heart. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It hurts, the heart, your heart, is crying out to help the little daughter you once knew. but, in reality, the daughter is now grown, her disease is controlling her, wanting that rehab break, restock its energy, and carry on as usual. Everyone is right, they are. They tried to help me and they did. SR is so wise.
Give your daughter the info Suki supplied about the Salvation Army. If she takes it or if she says screw you mom and bolts, it's her choice. Maybe she is strong enough, maybe she is not ready?
Either way, step away from "her" problem and take care of yourself. You WILL be driven mad if this continues. I know, I almost lost my mind with worry about my daughters.
Also, Anvil does know what she is talking about, she shoots from the heart with love as Ann has already said.
Please please be kind to yourself,
TF
Be strong, don't think with your heart. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It hurts, the heart, your heart, is crying out to help the little daughter you once knew. but, in reality, the daughter is now grown, her disease is controlling her, wanting that rehab break, restock its energy, and carry on as usual. Everyone is right, they are. They tried to help me and they did. SR is so wise.
Give your daughter the info Suki supplied about the Salvation Army. If she takes it or if she says screw you mom and bolts, it's her choice. Maybe she is strong enough, maybe she is not ready?
Either way, step away from "her" problem and take care of yourself. You WILL be driven mad if this continues. I know, I almost lost my mind with worry about my daughters.
Also, Anvil does know what she is talking about, she shoots from the heart with love as Ann has already said.
Please please be kind to yourself,
TF
gluelicker.
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 22
She needs to hit a bottom and that's the part that hurts to watch but she has to NEED sobriety and see it for herself. I didn't go to rehab I walked into a free recovery center willing to do anything. Seize any thought she has to get well and offer a ride to the center listed above and don't let her put it off. Make clear what you are willing to do and repeat it as necessary. Don't make excuses, don't bargain, don't say it's about money, don't say anything except that you're willing to take her there.
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