inlaws
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
inlaws
Hi everyone,
While I am considered a newbie I have done lots of research on alcoholism over the last 5 months. My husband is a newly recovering alcoholic and recently got out of his 2nd time of rehab in the last 4 months. I find that groups like this one and al-anon and some therapy have been helpful. I have a good sense of what I need to do,which is focus on me and the children, and let me AH find his way/focus on his recovery.
What I find frustrating is how his family has been through all this. They think I am too easy on him when he drinks/should make him be home more/do stuff as a family. They don't understand how much he has to focus on his recovery, go to AA meetings, therapy, etc. I have suggested to all of them to attend al-anon to get more information and they did attend the family program put on by the rehab center the last time he was there. I have always been close to my mother in law and brother in law but this different perspective has put a strain on our relationships.
While I am considered a newbie I have done lots of research on alcoholism over the last 5 months. My husband is a newly recovering alcoholic and recently got out of his 2nd time of rehab in the last 4 months. I find that groups like this one and al-anon and some therapy have been helpful. I have a good sense of what I need to do,which is focus on me and the children, and let me AH find his way/focus on his recovery.
What I find frustrating is how his family has been through all this. They think I am too easy on him when he drinks/should make him be home more/do stuff as a family. They don't understand how much he has to focus on his recovery, go to AA meetings, therapy, etc. I have suggested to all of them to attend al-anon to get more information and they did attend the family program put on by the rehab center the last time he was there. I have always been close to my mother in law and brother in law but this different perspective has put a strain on our relationships.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's certainly normal for parents to have concern over their children, even when their children are full grown adults. I would imagine that is what is motivating them to keep pestering you about it, and you are doing the right thing by steering them towards resources like al-anon. But just as your husband must take the lead on his sobriety ( and congrats to you for recognizing that ) your inlaws will have to figure it out on their own too. Just be honest with them as you really can't control how they go about things.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Unfortunately it's pretty common place for the inlaws to think you should sacrifice your own mental well being in effort to "control" their son or daughter. Very very common. I think it stems from lack of understanding and also just gripping at straws.
One thing that contradicted was in your saying that they are controlling when he drinks but they don't see how much time he has to put into AA and recovery tools. Just something I noticed.
It's really great you are focusing on you and your children. That is 100% the right thing to do. You may want to give them some Alanon literature and let them read up some so they understand.
You did not cause it, you cannot cure it, you cannot control it. That pretty much sums it up.
You may want to check out the Friends and Family forums, lots of great info and support there.
Glad you are here!
One thing that contradicted was in your saying that they are controlling when he drinks but they don't see how much time he has to put into AA and recovery tools. Just something I noticed.
It's really great you are focusing on you and your children. That is 100% the right thing to do. You may want to give them some Alanon literature and let them read up some so they understand.
You did not cause it, you cannot cure it, you cannot control it. That pretty much sums it up.
You may want to check out the Friends and Family forums, lots of great info and support there.
Glad you are here!
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