kkallday21

I am proud to say that I have a solid 14days of no contact... Although it hasn't been easy, I know if I responded those days would be a lot worse and I would remain in the insanity... I just hope that if I continue doing the next right thing and focusing on my recovery that eventually it will get easier... I still feel bad not responding, but I have to protect myself and cannot jump back on the rollercoaster... I must remind myself of this several times a day and accept that I did the best that I could.

Hockeyerik

Congratulations!! Stay strong. I'm on day 9 and when I am tempted to say something I remember why I'm not talking to her in the first place. Living in peace is kind of strange and different. It's a change I like though, not having alcoholic arguments and chaos every day. You are doing good, keep it up.

kkallday21

Thanks Hockeyerik I'm doing my best.. I totally get what you mean about the serene atmosphere.. It’s definitely different, but I also like it !! We can do this!!!

horsegirl

Time is a good thing. The longer that you stay strong the easier it will get. I had a slip at two months, seems the two month mark is tough. Take this time for yourself , healing , family and friends. I found huge support at alanon. Time straightens out your head and maybe just maybe your ex can find thier own peace. When I was in your shoes , I tried to remember the reasons I left , sometimes I had to ask friends , I would make things up in my head about how it wasn't that bad. good luck , I know how you feel , you are not alone in this struggle.

kkallday21

Thanks horsegirl... I don't mean to pry, but what happened after the 2 months? Did you go back or are you back to NC?

Live

The rewards will only get better from here...great work!

honeypig

kkallday, horsegirl, hockeyerik--kudos to you all for being strong enough and brave enough to give NC a try! I'm so glad to see that you're all enjoying the peace.

Wishing you continued strength and clarity.

Hockeyerik

Sorry to hijack, but I spoke with FIL and he assured me she hasn't drank in 8 days. Didn't believe it but decided to email her anyway. I told her how I have felt for the past 9 months, all with I statements. Her response, " your email answered a lot of questions, thanks. Take care of you". Back to no contact, I hate when I feel pressured to do things by others. I'm trying to work on that but I'm new at it and old habits got the better of me. Of course her response answered questions for me too. Oh well. Back to peace

kkallday21

I had a little slip myself... I didn't contact, but I did have access to seeing his FB page and I looked.... Ugh I'm so mad at myself for doing that... I didn't react as I normally would have but my mind did start worrying a bit about if he's moved on, etc.. Just woke up and I could definitely use some words of encouragement today

horsegirl

We talked, The dynamic has changed a ton . I now own my own home about 30 miles from the old place. We are "seeing" how it goes. I need to note that my ex is not actively drinking and has not for years. He does have alot of alchololic behaviors. Last night we had a little conflict and somehow it escalated, his blaming me for how he feels and my fear of rejection came into play. his reaction is to get angry and leave , I stuck my neck out and asked him to stay and talk our issue out. Big first for us. he actually apologized, probably the second time in our 10 years. I take this as progress , but today I am really wondering if I want to basically teach him how to be in a relationship. So now is the decision part , I am keeping my heart close as you know with the disease, they can change thier mind at any moment. Stay strong ...

horsegirl

Good Morning, Maybe the key for now is to just deactivate any social media sites you are on. by dactivating , you are not blocking (which for codependents is really tough). You are the important one right now. You are the important one right now .. I struggled with this as well. Remember , time does good things , If its meant to be, two months or 6 months wont change the feelings of the other person. But it will give you time to really see what you want out of life and what your true needs are. You need to know what your deal breakers are and know that you DESERVE nothing less than what you want!

lillamy

Good for you!!!

One thing someone said to me when I was in that place ("how can I not respond when he's saying XXX?") was -- think of how he has treated you, what he's done to you, what he's said to you. Now, if anyone else did that to you -- a coworker, a stranger in the street -- would you feel at all bad about not responding?

No contact means no pain. No pain is good.

kkallday21

Hey horsegirl
I actually already deactivated my FB but went on under my friend’s page lol I shared about it in my meeting today and talked about it with a close program friend… I am feeling better about my slip.. It could have been worse, I could have responded or contacted, so I told myself it was just a slip not a fall.. I will be more careful and recognized the bad feeling that came along after I creeped on his page…Thanks to all for the support, as you already know- it helps immensely xoxox