lilgolden73

Hello my SR loves! I hope all is well, I hope some of my old friends are still here. Recovery is not all that fantastic these days, don't get me wrong, life is good, but alcohol is constantly around me...l'm way stressed out, I have a twitch in my left eye, I think I may be falling apart again, not quite yet but I feel it coming, I need support in the worst possible way and don't have any as far as this is concerned....waaahhhh! I have to coach soccer, my oldest has turned into bridezilla and I want to run away to my own island. I have missed you all!

Waterfalls2014

Hi lilgolden, welcome back. I know it's hard to stay strong when everyday life starts to take it's tole but it's simply not worth it to go back to the old days. As hard as things seem now, add alcohol back into the equation and it will be much worse. Hang in there, take a walk or a bath or do something to distract yourself for a bit. Can you work a meeting into your schedule?

OldSkool

Lola,
sorry to hear youre struggling, I know ive been there. I will say that the times I returned to alcohol,it made nothing better, and everything worse. The alcoholic inside us all tries to deceive and lie, to get you back into drinking, its part of the sickness. I hope you find the support you need, I would hate to see you go back to drinking. Hang in there, find a way to get this off your mind !!!
Seems like you need some hugs, you will make it through!

lilgolden73

THank you guys so much!Waterfalls, I wish I could get a meeting in, I work full time as well, but when little one goes back to school I'm going to fit them in. I hate this stupid cycle, I hate that every damn one of my friends drink, some excessively. Its most annoying.

Tonymblue

I know the feeling. My oldest daughter(20 years old) makes me want to run away too. Not even an island. Ill take the badlands of Montana. Stay strong and stay sober.

lilgolden73

Thank you Tony! Its hard to get through this existance without chemical help, I know its a better existance sober, but its damn hard!

Nuudawn

Nice work on posting Lola! One has to let out some steam before that cooker blows right? Looks like you have some friends round here...may we support you?

Again, just can't applaud you enough for coming back round and reaching out. So if you're oldest is getting married (and Bridezilla)...oh my..wedding plans can't be fun. I was just talking to a dear friend of mine bout her wedding (er um 20-some years ago). Now this woman is one of the calmest, most upbeat women I know. She managed to be the 2 drinks at max. drinker in a gaggle of drunkards (of which I was one). Anyhoo, I remember when just before her wedding she was just on the edge of insanity and called me in tears. It scared the beejeezus outta me. I thought to myself..if this chick can lose it over a wedding...anyone can! I was suddenly terrified to get married. Hmmm...perhaps that's why I never did!!!

Hey...just glad you're here.

lilgolden73

Awe! Thanks! I feel out of control right now, big time. Its so hard

Dee74

Welcome back Lola

I think the best thing you could do is plug yourself in here and remind yourself that,. regardless of what others do, drinking's not right for you

D

lilgolden73

TIS true DEE! Nice to see ya!

Dee74

you too Lola

D

soberjuly

I've been married too many times, it's kinda embarrassing, in London (1), Tokyo (2) and Las Vegas (3) - all foreigners (British, Swedish/Japanese, South African).

And I always took their last name. What a mess. Hopefully number 3 is it.

That said, as I am a terminal eloper my mom never had to deal with a wedding - I don't know if eloper is a word. I ran off and got married a lot, let's put it that way. I called my mom at 18, Hi mom, I just got married. Are you pregnant? No. What is his name? Adam Smith. Mom - that's not a name, that's an alias...I'm a sucker for an accent I guess although my husband has been here since 13 and doesn't have one anymore.

Hang in there...

lilgolden73

I personally will never get married again! I divorced number 1, we are still good friends with 2 grown children together....and then I buried number 2....SO, that is enough marriage for this girl! Oldest has her head on straight, graduated from college, fiance is on the up and up, and rarely drinks if at all. I am glad my children don't have alot of my issues. I'm crazy enough for one family

MidnightBlue

Hi, Lola!

So glad to see you, Octsobermate)

I hear you so so well! I've recently been experiencing very tough times, barely dragging myself around, struggling to make one foot in front of another. Anxiety attacks, no wish for anything... you name it.

But .. But! As far as my mind is clear and sober, and know that shall pass and the day will come when the sky is blue again. My hope is still alive. It may be laying low and hiding, and healing wounds, but it is till here. Inside of me.

Keep you chin up, Lola! You've made you that far in sobriety, which means you are strong and have guts to do this.

Hang in here! SR is a beautiful magical island, where you can escape whenever you like.

Sending you hugs and smiles)

lilgolden73

Midnight..Ahoy Matey! I'm a hot mess! I am barely functioning. One foot in front of the other is all I got and its a major struggle

MythOfSisyphus

Good to see you back! You're a bit more of an "old timer" than me...I see I arrived almost a year after you. Well as they say- it's not always easy but it's always worth it. I don't know if it helps but I'll share my story. For me alcohol was a refuge from all the problems I had. What those problems are don't really matter; what matters is that the treatment (ie booze) was way worse than the things I was hiding from. Now, creeping up on two years sober, I see that not only did I imagine that my "real" problems were worse, they could have been easily solved years ago if I had had the courage to face them sober.

Hang in there! You're doing well. You might feel like a wreck inside but the results speak for themselves...you are sober! Well done!

lilgolden73

Thanks myth! I haven't been perfect in my recovery, its been a long road. Your words are true, alchohol for me numbed, well not really but you know what I mean. Sober is waaayyy better!

DisplacedGRITS

Hey, lilgolden! It's good to see you again. Ifor me, getting to a meeting really does it for me. It's my time. Ironically, it's the one time during the day that I can count on getting out of my own head and concentrating on how I can help someone else. I've taken that and pulled it into my everyday life. When I'm at work, I concentrate on doing my job and also being of service to my coworkers. When I'm off work, I like to remember to smile. Even if I'm just at the grocery store, I like to engage with people and ask how they're doing. It helps me to stay "plugged in" to humanity. I get to share little bits of my joy and I get little bits of other people's joy in return. A positive attitude is often infectious. If I catch the end of someone's bad day and bear the brunt of their negativity, I let it go and remember that it's not personal.

Take some time out for yourself, even if it's just for a little while. Maybe call someone and go out for coffee. If that someone is another sober alcoholic then that's even better! In the end, remember that you've always got us here and there's pretty much someone always active here! Welcome home, my dear!

lilgolden73

Thanks DG, I love your attitude! So glad things are better for you, I know you had a rough patch! xoxoxoxo!!

huntingtontx

Hi Lola, I am glad to meet you. I am sorry you are going through so much right now. I will keep you in my prayers. I am glad you are going to hang in here with us. It is so much better then drinking.