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Functional Alcoholic Seeks a Change

Old 07-28-2014, 03:40 PM
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Functional Alcoholic Seeks a Change

Hi All,

I'm 27 years old and an IT professional. I am in the process of selling my first business to a larger firm, and have a promising future as a partner in the new firm. I have managed to do all this while still heavily drinking.

I started drinking when I was 18 or so. By 19 and 20 I was drinking almost every day. At that age, it doesn't really affect you the same as it does now. Fast forward another 7 years and here I am. My problem is that I am noticing stuff start to slip. I find my hangovers are paired with anxiety and sweating etc., so I sometimes reschedule meetings and stuff doesn't get done. None of this has really bit me in the ass yet.

I ran some numbers today. I am spending about $39,000 a year on bars, restaurants, and alcohol purchases which is completely insane. I also calculated that I am losing about 6 months per year being hungover or drinking. Also insane. I need to make a change.

I've been through therapy, and I know where this comes from. I drink out of boredom and wanting to be social. I am a regular at at least 6 bars where I know all the staff and they make me feel good. I the problem here is 2 fold. Almost every one of my friendships is a bar staff, and secondly, once I have 2 or 3, it's difficult to cut myself off. I like to go to the next bar and the next bar until I've had my fill of social time.

I don't want to quit completely, but I have committed to staying sober for the next 4 nights (until Friday) in order to clear my mind and make a plan. I am off to a good start tonight as I have planned various non-bar activities until bed time. I am going to make sure I have a plan for every night this week and this weekend.

If I can live by the ground rule that "I never drink alone"...that includes going to a bar by myself, then I think I just might have a chance. I also know that I need to join some clubs and make some friends that either don't drink, or just do it once in a while.

Thanks for hearing my story,
GreenPepper
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Old 07-28-2014, 03:46 PM
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Welcome GreenPepper!

Good for you - at 27 to be concerned with your drinking habits. I refused to admit my drinking was out of control & kept going for decades more. You'll be saving yourself so much grief by stopping now.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to just cut down. I tried everything to be able to hang on to the fun times - but they were never coming back. Every time it was in my system there was no telling how the evening would end. By the time I quit I was in deep trouble, & drinking all day. I'm not saying this would ever happen to you - but there are warning signs.

We're glad you joined us - congratulations for taking a hard look at what drinking is doing to your life.
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Old 07-28-2014, 03:49 PM
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Welcome green pepper glad to have you. Sounds like the start of a plan. You'll find many of us considered our selfs quite high functioning. It's not until you are far enough from the problem do you start to see with clearer eyes, the truth of what we were living.
Much luck to you
Congrats on making a great change!
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Old 07-28-2014, 04:23 PM
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Welcome GreenPepper

I think most of us felt we were high functioning...but honestly, compared to how I function now sober, I wasn't really functioning at all.

I hope you'll give things a lot of thought during your sober time - why not go a month or so and see how that goes?

D
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Old 07-28-2014, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome GreenPepper

I think most of us felt we were high functioning...but honestly, compared to how I function now sober, I wasn't really functioning at all.

I hope you'll give things a lot of thought during your sober time - why not go a month or so and see how that goes?

D
Thanks Dee74. Perhaps I will give it a shot. I have failed miserably the last few times I've tried to completely quit for a month, 3 months etc., so maybe I will start with 4 days and see where it goes.
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Old 07-28-2014, 04:42 PM
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Hey GreenPepper. You sound like me in some ways--drinking out of boredom but also to be social. NOt necessarily with bar staff but just to be with my friends. I will say this-- and take it for what it's worth since I've only been sober for just over two weeks after 22 year of drinking (age 13 to age 35) and drinking almost every day for the past year:

*The cravings lasted 9 days. I really wanted to drink every afternoon at 4pm for the first 9 days. Then they stopped and the past 5 days have been great and I feel better than I have in YEARS. It's incentive to not drink. It's been so nice to wake up without a hangover.

*I'm still so close to the beginning but I haven't totally accepted that I can't drink anymore. I feel myself wanting to keep the door open to potentially drinking again in the future. That's why they say "One Day at a Time." IT's overwhelming to think about the rest of your life without alcohol....

*...and if it's overwhelming to think about the rest of your life without alcohol, it may be a sign that you have a problem. SOmeone said this at the AA meeting I went to today-- "People who are normal drinkers don't get anxious and think 'what about my new years' party? What about my wedding' If someone told me I could never drink pepsi again, I wouldn't care, and if I got really anxious about never drinking Pepsi again, wouldn't you think I had a problem with Pepsi?"

*I for one also get terrible hangovers and have lost time to them. I HATE losing time to hangovers. The number of 6 months lost really impacted me. Not to judge you, but just in looking at my own life. What else could I have been doing with that time? The topic at today's meeting was about A Power Greater Than Ourselves. Maybe that power would use me for good now that I have some time back.

I say all that to say that you may just consider, however briefly, to stop drinking past Friday, until you see some of the benefits of being sober and really get some clarity. Just in my own experience, 4 days wasn't enough to get past the cravings.

Take good care, and stay on this forum.
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Old 07-28-2014, 04:58 PM
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The thing is, if your plan is 4 non-drinking days, followed by 3 drinking days, I am convinced it takes more than 4 days to detox from heavy alcohol use.

Your thinking is still a bit drunk after you stop, you will spend the non-drinking days irritated and anxious. It took 2 weeks before I started to feel a calm. And it's really nice!

Also, on your 3 drinking days, you will probably over-drink to make up for the oncoming 4 days of sobriety. What a roller-coaster.

I had all sorts of plans. I did the same thing but the person I was on my off days was still messed up. I wasn't able to clean up my life properly with that system.

As it stands, it will take maybe 2-3 more months to go through everything in this house.

39k a year? I don't know if you own a house or condo but that would cover a mortgage for a year in most places, then you could have something to show for your hard work.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:05 PM
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Hi GreenPepper, welcome.

It's great you are identifying where alcohol is holding you back. Sounds like you'd get so much more productivity back if you can stop for at least a while.

Don't worry too much about getting your head around long term if it's too much to think about now. There are plenty of blogs and articles out there you can Google on people who give up for a month and see huge changes - some even want to keep going from there.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Mambamama View Post
*The cravings lasted 9 days. I really wanted to drink every afternoon at 4pm for the first 9 days. Then they stopped and the past 5 days have been great and I feel better than I have in YEARS.
Quoting myself here

To clarify, I looked at the calendar. First day without drinking was Saturday, July 12. Cravings continued for 12 days. Thursday, July 25 was my first day without (very intense, nearly unmanageable) cravings, and I haven't had really bad ones for the last five days.

I say that to reiterate what I said before. It may take more than 4 days to really understand WHY not drinking is better.

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Old 07-28-2014, 05:16 PM
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Hi GreenPepper, I hope you are inspired to stop drinking.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted by soberjuly View Post
The thing is, if your plan is 4 non-drinking days, followed by 3 drinking days, I am convinced it takes more than 4 days to detox from heavy alcohol use.

Your thinking is still a bit drunk after you stop, you will spend the non-drinking days irritated and anxious. It took 2 weeks before I started to feel a calm. And it's really nice!

Also, on your 3 drinking days, you will probably over-drink to make up for the oncoming 4 days of sobriety. What a roller-coaster.

I had all sorts of plans. I did the same thing but the person I was on my off days was still messed up. I wasn't able to clean up my life properly with that system.

As it stands, it will take maybe 2-3 more months to go through everything in this house.

39k a year? I don't know if you own a house or condo but that would cover a mortgage for a year in most places, then you could have something to show for your hard work.
My plan was not for 3 drinking days, but more to have a plan for the weekend that included perhaps 1-2 cocktails on Friday and Saturday night and then call it quits again. The idea here, is for me to schedule brunch and enough activities for Saturday and Sunday to keep me busy doing sober things.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by GreenPepper View Post
My plan was not for 3 drinking days, but more to have a plan for the weekend that included perhaps 1-2 cocktails on Friday and Saturday night and then call it quits again. The idea here, is for me to schedule brunch and enough activities for Saturday and Sunday to keep me busy doing sober things.
A question and a thought-- do you think you can have 1-2 cocktails? Sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn't. But I think it was the consistency of the (at least) 1-2 cocktails that kept me going and made the binges inevitable.

Thought-- I never thought I'd like AA but going to meetings during the worst cravings was really helpful. It made me feel less crazy and like other people had gone through what I was going through.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:34 PM
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Ok, I didn't quite know. I do seriously think your brain is impaired for days after you quit. I mean any break is great but if you could go 2 weeks, you might start to really see a change. I am still surprised at myself, I haven't seen the person I am now for a long time.

Also, I know my body/brain is still repairing itself after 17 days sober.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:37 PM
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Welcome to the forum. Glad youre addressing your problem. It gets worse as you get older. I was never able to moderate. One drink was flicking a switch to on. It was all or nothing. Abstinence is my only solution.
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Old 07-28-2014, 05:38 PM
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If I can live by the ground rule that "I never drink alone"...that includes going to a bar by myself, then I think I just might have a chance. I also know that I need to join some clubs and make some friends that either don't drink, or just do it once in a while.
This is lies, GP. Fibs. Not true. NOPE NOPE NOPE. Please read my reply to your other post about cravings.
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Old 07-28-2014, 06:18 PM
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Your story sounds almost exactly like mine. Time scale is about the same. Now fast forward 8 years (I'm 35 now) and i look back and ask myself why did waste so much time. It is so very sneaky. Please be careful.
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Old 07-28-2014, 06:59 PM
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I first felt how you did at 23, then again at 28, then 31, etc. Everytime I thought if I could just cut back, or I would get older and "grow out of it." Turns out as I got older things only got a lot worse. You have a promising future and it sounds like alcohol is already doing damage to you personally and professionally. Stopping for 4 nights is a start but what happens when you return to the bottle? Control? Not likely given your history. Stick around and read some posts, your story is not unfamiliar. I could never learn to moderate no matter how hard I tried. Hopefully you can find a better path. Welcome aboard.
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Old 07-28-2014, 08:19 PM
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Thumbs up Dont let it go on

I wished I had listened to people very early on when they mentioned my problematic drinking. My mother even told me that if I kept on, someday I wouldnt be able to stop and living in pure hell. She was right. Its progressive man, and it WILL get worse. Save yourself the pain, and deal with it now. I wish I had. (I have 18 years of daily drinking experiences to speak from)
Im so glad you are facing it now, keep at it. I would recommend total abstinence... just my two cents. Best of luck.
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Old 07-28-2014, 08:22 PM
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Hello and welcome! It does get worse, best to nip it now! Good luck on your journey!
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Old 07-28-2014, 08:38 PM
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Hi, my experience was it got worse too. I spent 30 years trying to drink only 1 or 2 on the weekends. All that wasted time. And the hangovers, well they got so bad I couldn't eat without fear of choking for 24 to 48 hours after a binger. Keep reading around here and keep us posted on how the weekend goes.
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