He's experiencing shakes
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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He's experiencing shakes
ExAH went to the dr today and when asked about his drinking he said it was fine. He then told the dr that he has been experiencing shaking of his hand arms and legs and that I would probably say it's to do with his drinking. This was all he said so the dr has ordered tests. I suppose what I need to know is are these shakes related to his drinking. I witnessed one, one day after he had been binging the night before but didn't really think any thing of it but is this serious??
He is still saying that at times he thinks he needs help and at other times he doesn't feel he has a problem of course this is BS and he just won't acknowledge he has a drinking problem!!
All thoughts appreciated
He is still saying that at times he thinks he needs help and at other times he doesn't feel he has a problem of course this is BS and he just won't acknowledge he has a drinking problem!!
All thoughts appreciated
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Butterfly....As long as he has been drinking....it is most likely related to alcohol....more specifically, alcohol withdrawl. It is common for an alcoholic to lay off the alcohol--or drastically reduce consumption prior to a doctor visit. This is what brings on the shakes.
The doctor will, in all likelyhood recognize this...even if he didn't say anything.
dandylion
By the way---the shaking can be in just the hands or include the complete body
The doctor will, in all likelyhood recognize this...even if he didn't say anything.
dandylion
By the way---the shaking can be in just the hands or include the complete body
Baby Steps
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Thanks. He has been experiencing the shakes even after a night of binging. The dr didn't say anything to him although I suppose there's not a lot to say if he won't admit he has a problem!!
On another note I have my first appointment with a counsellor tomorrow night!!
On another note I have my first appointment with a counsellor tomorrow night!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Originally Posted by Butterfly 
He has been experiencing the shakes even after a night of binging.
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Location: Lakeside, Ca
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Originally Posted by Butterfly
He is still saying that at times he thinks he needs help and at other times he doesn't feel he has a problem of course this is BS and he just won't acknowledge he has a drinking problem!!
All thoughts appreciated
He seems to have a real problem with drinking
Entering rehab may be his only hope
So as to return to a normal life
Nothing wrong with the truth
MM
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He won't fully admit he has a problem there is no way he will go into rehab. I have researched facilities here and there isn't much options but I have forwarded him the information and all information I have found or sourced for him but he won't read the information he says he's scared to read the info!!
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Where is that "Back away from the alcoholic" smilie?
So, he goes to the Dr, tells Dr, about his shaking, then says what you would say it was, can you see this manipulation, blaming, and pity party thing all mixed into one?
So, he goes to the Dr, tells Dr, about his shaking, then says what you would say it was, can you see this manipulation, blaming, and pity party thing all mixed into one?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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He wants you to feel sorry for him. He is trying to tell you that there is something seriously wrong with him. He is also telling you that what you think isn't really the reason why he is shaking.
Yes, withdrawals can cause shaking. Let him get tests done before you worry.
Story to tell you. My ex, told me that he was seriously sick. That he was sweating a lot and throwing up blood. I told him that whether or not he knows it, I was up all last night cleaning up the blood that he was throwing up, and that it had cheese mixed in with it, and the blood was pizza sauce.
He just wanted me to worry and take care of him while he had a hangover.
Yes, withdrawals can cause shaking. Let him get tests done before you worry.
Story to tell you. My ex, told me that he was seriously sick. That he was sweating a lot and throwing up blood. I told him that whether or not he knows it, I was up all last night cleaning up the blood that he was throwing up, and that it had cheese mixed in with it, and the blood was pizza sauce.
He just wanted me to worry and take care of him while he had a hangover.
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I thought it was his way to of telling the dr about his problems without actually saying I'm an alcoholic. I didn't think that he wouldn't relate the shakes to his drinking!! He didn't even tell me what the tests could show he didn't ask the Dr?!?!!!! I do however think his shakes are related to his drinking but I could be wrong!!
He knows there is something seriously wrong with him he's an alcoholic but won't always admit it. Apparently it depends on how he feels on a particular day. He has been melting my head today with his I don't know what I want I know I'm in love with you one minute then the next it's if I want to be on my own I can't be in love with you and I don't want to be with you but I don't want a divorce I'm all over the place you deserve so much better I'm a selfish useless b#####d and your well rid then it's I don't know how I feel or what I want I am so confused! I have spent all day crying and I feel like I am back to square 1!!!!
He knows there is something seriously wrong with him he's an alcoholic but won't always admit it. Apparently it depends on how he feels on a particular day. He has been melting my head today with his I don't know what I want I know I'm in love with you one minute then the next it's if I want to be on my own I can't be in love with you and I don't want to be with you but I don't want a divorce I'm all over the place you deserve so much better I'm a selfish useless b#####d and your well rid then it's I don't know how I feel or what I want I am so confused! I have spent all day crying and I feel like I am back to square 1!!!!
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Butterfly, you are not back to square 1. You are a member of this community. We are here with you.
Yes, shaking hands, and legs can be withdrawal. How do I know that? I'm a RAH. Sometimes the shaking wasn't visible, but it felt like my body was in a microwave oven. I could feel it, but sometimes not see it. Yes, the legs also, could feel like bugs under your skin, and involuntary jerking action.
You left him, he wants you back. The other "hoover" tactics didn't work, he is playing a sick card now.
Ok, now I will look at this from the other side. Perhaps he really does have some kind of a problem, (but he lied to his Doctor). It would most likely be a neurological problem, something that you can live with and meds would help.
He is going for tests, tell him you want to see the test results.
I really do think that he is just trying to "hoover" you.
"hoover= suck you back in like a big vacuum"
You are totally covered, he is scheduled for tests.
P.S. ---- And the poor poor me, you deserve so much better. Give it a break already. He was capable of giving you better, he just didn't want to.
Yes, shaking hands, and legs can be withdrawal. How do I know that? I'm a RAH. Sometimes the shaking wasn't visible, but it felt like my body was in a microwave oven. I could feel it, but sometimes not see it. Yes, the legs also, could feel like bugs under your skin, and involuntary jerking action.
You left him, he wants you back. The other "hoover" tactics didn't work, he is playing a sick card now.
Ok, now I will look at this from the other side. Perhaps he really does have some kind of a problem, (but he lied to his Doctor). It would most likely be a neurological problem, something that you can live with and meds would help.
He is going for tests, tell him you want to see the test results.
I really do think that he is just trying to "hoover" you.
"hoover= suck you back in like a big vacuum"
You are totally covered, he is scheduled for tests.
P.S. ---- And the poor poor me, you deserve so much better. Give it a break already. He was capable of giving you better, he just didn't want to.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Deep breath.
He has seen the doctor. Tests are being run. That is exactly what should happen. It is most likely withdrawals but if it isn't the doctor will find whatever it is and the doctor will call him. You can step back from this.
Withdrawals happen to daily drinkers that have not had a drink in the last few hours, or to binge drinkers the first day or few after a binge. An alcoholic's brain changes the way it functions to find an equilibrium with alcohol on board. When that alcohol is removed or reduced - the brain processes that were being suppressed by the alcohol rebound and - you get withdrawal symptoms.
Of course he knows he's an alcoholic. He is just not prepared to quit drinking so he plays mind games (with you but mostly himself) so he can continue on drinking. It is part of the disease. You don't have to worry about educating him - he already knows. You are free to step back. You can also give yourself permission to step away (physically and mentally) from all the crazy confusing talk. It is just that - crazy talk. That is also part of the disease. When he excepts it (alcoholism and what that really means) he'll get better if he chooses too. Here is the tricky part for us --- When *we* except it we'll get better when we choose to as well.
You do not have the power to influence his addiction. There are no magic words for you to say. No 'thing' for you to do or know or share with him.
I found the serenity prayer really helpful at times when I felt myself so lost and hurting.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
He has seen the doctor. Tests are being run. That is exactly what should happen. It is most likely withdrawals but if it isn't the doctor will find whatever it is and the doctor will call him. You can step back from this.
Withdrawals happen to daily drinkers that have not had a drink in the last few hours, or to binge drinkers the first day or few after a binge. An alcoholic's brain changes the way it functions to find an equilibrium with alcohol on board. When that alcohol is removed or reduced - the brain processes that were being suppressed by the alcohol rebound and - you get withdrawal symptoms.
Of course he knows he's an alcoholic. He is just not prepared to quit drinking so he plays mind games (with you but mostly himself) so he can continue on drinking. It is part of the disease. You don't have to worry about educating him - he already knows. You are free to step back. You can also give yourself permission to step away (physically and mentally) from all the crazy confusing talk. It is just that - crazy talk. That is also part of the disease. When he excepts it (alcoholism and what that really means) he'll get better if he chooses too. Here is the tricky part for us --- When *we* except it we'll get better when we choose to as well.
You do not have the power to influence his addiction. There are no magic words for you to say. No 'thing' for you to do or know or share with him.
I found the serenity prayer really helpful at times when I felt myself so lost and hurting.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Butterfly---nothing has changed......except that he has had a surgence of pouring on the heat!!! An all-out assault on your flank side to get you to weaken. To throw you off balance; to doubt yourself; to feel guilty; to feel sorry for him.
Talking to him about this is the worst thing you can do, right now. After all, you are not a doctor...and he has a doctor that he can ask his questions to (and he didn't). You are also not his nurse or his mother. He has a mother that he lives with (I think).
Assume that these are alcohol withdrawl shakes unless you are told otherwise.
Please do not let this derail you. You need to detach and get some more distance from him. Direct all his medical descriptions or questions to his medical providers.
dandylion
Talking to him about this is the worst thing you can do, right now. After all, you are not a doctor...and he has a doctor that he can ask his questions to (and he didn't). You are also not his nurse or his mother. He has a mother that he lives with (I think).
Assume that these are alcohol withdrawl shakes unless you are told otherwise.
Please do not let this derail you. You need to detach and get some more distance from him. Direct all his medical descriptions or questions to his medical providers.
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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I love your name, btw. I remember several months ago I went to a different forum, and I was trying to describe the transformation in me. I think I described it the same way that you did. I felt many times like a caterpillar just looking for crumbs to eat off the ground. But eventually I morphed !!!!! I also became a butterfly, I can attach myself to a wall and just watch things, and know that I was right, or I can just fly away and see all the beauty that there is in this world.
You are that "butterfly".
PS -- I also always here this song in my head. "butterflies are free to fly, fly away, fly away
You are that "butterfly".
PS -- I also always here this song in my head. "butterflies are free to fly, fly away, fly away
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Butterfly
he says he's scared to read the info!!
he knows that he is in trouble
now here is the hard thing for us to do
we pray for a bottom for him (that will not kill him)
MM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
You cannot fix him. He does not want to be fixed now. Yet. Maybe ever.
It is their right to choose that, to choose to be "not fixed", no matter how crazy/destructive/unhealthy/unpalatable we find that choice of behavior to be.
We don't have the right to choose how anyone else lives their life.
And they don't have the right to demand/manipulate/bully/plead us into living the live they want us to live. Especially if it is a destructive life path for us.
Let him deal with his own problems. Let him talk to his own doctors. Or not. If you are already an X, then go No Contact.
He will probably cycle through a panorama of behaviors:
"I can't live without you, please help me"
"I am angry at you because you won't fix me even though I don't want to be fixed"
"You caused all this; if you hadn't been so (insert word here), I wouldn't have had to drink"
"You are a worthless person and don't deserve to have someone like me in your life"
"I need you to come back, now, and I will treat you like a princess if you only would continue to provide me with all the support I want for my addiction"
"If you don't come back, I will punish you. (Insert threat here).
"If you do come back, I will have to punish you for leaving and for thinking I am an alcoholic"
"When are you coming home? I need you. My socks are dirty, my dishes aren't washed, and I don't have anyone to blame for how bad my life is."
"How dare you think that you can live life without me to show you what to do, what to think, how to behave. You need to come back so I can fix you back into my co-dependent slave."
Round and round goes the merry-go-round.
You can get off whenever you want to. It takes courage, and it is worth it.
ShootingStar1
It is their right to choose that, to choose to be "not fixed", no matter how crazy/destructive/unhealthy/unpalatable we find that choice of behavior to be.
We don't have the right to choose how anyone else lives their life.
And they don't have the right to demand/manipulate/bully/plead us into living the live they want us to live. Especially if it is a destructive life path for us.
Let him deal with his own problems. Let him talk to his own doctors. Or not. If you are already an X, then go No Contact.
He will probably cycle through a panorama of behaviors:
"I can't live without you, please help me"
"I am angry at you because you won't fix me even though I don't want to be fixed"
"You caused all this; if you hadn't been so (insert word here), I wouldn't have had to drink"
"You are a worthless person and don't deserve to have someone like me in your life"
"I need you to come back, now, and I will treat you like a princess if you only would continue to provide me with all the support I want for my addiction"
"If you don't come back, I will punish you. (Insert threat here).
"If you do come back, I will have to punish you for leaving and for thinking I am an alcoholic"
"When are you coming home? I need you. My socks are dirty, my dishes aren't washed, and I don't have anyone to blame for how bad my life is."
"How dare you think that you can live life without me to show you what to do, what to think, how to behave. You need to come back so I can fix you back into my co-dependent slave."
Round and round goes the merry-go-round.
You can get off whenever you want to. It takes courage, and it is worth it.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I had the shakes when I was drinking at times too.
They disappeared totally when I quit drinking for good.
I agree that this is a tactic to get you off balance and emotionally re-engaged in his drama.
He doesn't like the fact that you are beginning to detach and not buy into his BS.
You know what? You do deserve "better than him" drinking.
He could have given it to you but didn't, and still doesn't, because he allows his addiction to run his life and make his choices rather than taking control.
Know something else? You can't go back to that old dynamic I'll bet even if you had
the chance. You know more, and are more than you were when he choose to leave
you and his children to have uninterrupted drinking time.
You are emotionally upset right now because he has manipulated you into worrying and questioning yourself.
He's had many years to learn your triggers and the "usual ones" were no longer working. So he plays the health card.
(My mom always reserved this one for me when I finally had gotten enough and begun to refuse to enable her so I know it very well)
Alcoholism isn't going to help him with his shakes.
Doesn't take tests to know that--yet he's still drinking and you can't stop him.
You need more perspective which you might be able to find if there is a beach somewhere nearby you can walk along?
Hugs Butterfly. You aren't "back at square one" by any means. . .
They disappeared totally when I quit drinking for good.
I agree that this is a tactic to get you off balance and emotionally re-engaged in his drama.
He doesn't like the fact that you are beginning to detach and not buy into his BS.
You know what? You do deserve "better than him" drinking.
He could have given it to you but didn't, and still doesn't, because he allows his addiction to run his life and make his choices rather than taking control.
Know something else? You can't go back to that old dynamic I'll bet even if you had
the chance. You know more, and are more than you were when he choose to leave
you and his children to have uninterrupted drinking time.
You are emotionally upset right now because he has manipulated you into worrying and questioning yourself.
He's had many years to learn your triggers and the "usual ones" were no longer working. So he plays the health card.
(My mom always reserved this one for me when I finally had gotten enough and begun to refuse to enable her so I know it very well)
Alcoholism isn't going to help him with his shakes.
Doesn't take tests to know that--yet he's still drinking and you can't stop him.
You need more perspective which you might be able to find if there is a beach somewhere nearby you can walk along?
Hugs Butterfly. You aren't "back at square one" by any means. . .
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