HHTexas

So many of you responded with such wisdom to my infidelity post. It means the world to me. Today I found an Ashley Madison profile... Oh the fun. I've since been such a mental train wreck, while "keeping up appearances." My question is-how do I confront this? If I come at him straight forward, he'll find a way to make it my fault (ludicrous, right) and make a big deal about me snooping (which is quite justified). And what about our baby? Can I just take him and stay with my family?? I work from a home office so this gives me an inch of flexibility with work.
And then there's the fact that I love him. We have an awesome vacation planned in Sept. Ok crying now. Don't want to be tearful in front of him. I know I don't deserve this. But my child can't grow up thinking it's ok to cheat (or be an alcoholic for that matter!!).

What are my baby steps??

redatlanta

I'm so very sorry!!

I can only tell you what I would do - I can't say whether or not it is what you should.

I would copy off all proof of that profile.

And then….I wouldn't say a word to him. I would hire a PI and find out what all he had been up to because there are other cheaters websites. I wouldn't say one single word to him until I had all the information I needed.

I would also go and get tested for STD and stop having sex with him.

For me cheating is the path of no return. The marriage would be over. Freud couldn't put it back together for me.

I also do not have children - whatever you decide you do not have to decide today. But you do need to be smart. Support you in anyway I can.

It sucks and my heart is heavy for you - many hugs.

AnvilheadII

If I come at him straight forward, he'll find a way to make it my fault (ludicrous, right) and make a big deal about me snooping (which is quite justified).

it is NOT your fault, no matter what HE says. HE signed up for MULTIPLE dating sites....i doubt he was just practicing his acccount registration skills. and yeah, maybe you snooped....but here is the thing....THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANYTHING TO FIND. so that argument doesn't hold up either.

direct confrontation is always the best. if he responds with anything but shame and chagrin and remorse then you have a pretty good picture of his motivation and intent. you certainly have cause for concern and you have every right to have your say in the matter.

HHTexas

Thank you. Took screen shots of the profile and forwarded emails to a separate account I have. The ironic thing is I use to think how easy it would be to leave if he cheated instead of drinking LOL. Not so easy it seems...

mejo

Ugh, I am so sorry you are going through this. My AH does this crap if we are separated or in a huge argument in which he leaves for a few days. I think the most hurtful is when he reactivates his FB and puts stupid crap on other women's pictures or posts. And he knows I will find out. He does not even try to hide it!!! He does it to completely crush me and my self esteem, mental abuse at it finest. I guess I am saying, sometimes it hurts even when you don't go digging.