cindy90

Hi All,
I am new to this time of recovery. I have (had) been dating a very significant other for 10 months. When I didn't hear from him Monday two weeks ago; I wasn't too worried (he was supposed to be on a plane headed to AZ for work). I got a call from his mother telling me he was in rehab. I was immediately enraged. I knew that in the past he had used heroin and my mind went there immediately. His mother explained he had overdosed on heroin and had to choose between rehab or jail. His story was different. When he finally came out and told me about his problem he told me he had been using heroin at least twice a week along with cocaine and abusing alcohol. How could I have overlooked this? Any time I questioned his behavior he always made me feel crazy. I am so angry with myself not trusting my instincts. I feel like the past 10 months were a lie.
Now that he's in recovery he seems like a different person. He used to hate talking about spirituality and now he says he finally found it. He "loves" all of his new friends in his support groups and opens up to them about his issues. I feel like I lost him all over again. All he cares about is his support group. I feel so selfish to say this but I feel left out. I feel unwanted. He said he is doing all of this to fill the potential I saw in him originally. Why do I feel like I was his rock the whole relationship and now he is uninterested in me? I can't even begin to support him in his recovery because I am so hurt and feel so abandoned. Has anyone ever felt this way?

hopeful4

Hello and Welcome. I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Yes, the addicts always have a way of making those in their lives feel crazy. They will do anything to defend their #1 in their life, which in his case is H. I caution you, H is a very very hard drug to overcome. Living with the chance that he may relapse over and over in the future is something you should think about as it's a hard life to lead.

You are not alone. Read the boards, there are many others here who understand what you are going through. Time heals a lot of things.

XXX

lillamy

I married a guy who had been an alcoholic for 20 years and I had no clue he had a problem. He was expert at hiding it. There's nothing wrong with you for not noticing -- we don't go into relationships expecting the other person to be hiding things from us (if we did, we probably wouldn't be in the relationship...)

My advice would be to learn as much as you can about addiction. There's a lot of information here, a lot of addict behaviors are similar regardless of what the drug is. There's also a board for families and friends of drug addicts here -- the folks there may have more specific ideas and thoughts about heroin addicts.