Told AH I was filing for legal separation...he threatened to OD on Heroin
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Told AH I was filing for legal separation...he threatened to OD on Heroin
It seems that I have seen this type of thread before on the forum. The type where the A will threaten suicide if the other party ends the relationship. Well, now I have fallen into that group, and part of me actual believes him.
Last year there was an altercation between my AH and I, and so we have been living separately until I feel comfortable having him move back in with my young son and I. Things were moving along towards this goal, but then all the sudden he started binge drinking on the weekends. I reminded him of our agreement, and that I would not have him come home if he was not working on his recovery.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was very ill and ended up needing an IV at the ER along with some testing. So, I dropped our son off with his father, and the plan was for him to spend the night. Well, after many hours in the ER I called my AH to see how things were going. He sounded loaded. I was furious. I raced over to his house to find him slurring his words, reeking of alcohol, and acting very strange. I took my son and we drove home.
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on. That there was nothing to live for. That was yesterday. Now, today he has become M.I.A. except for a few short texts but won't answer his phone.
Just don't know what to do. I imagine he is continuing on his really bad binge. His boss sent me a text yesterday saying he is only keeping him on his crew, because he knows that I need the money. Although, he is very close to losing his job, and now his boss was so fed up that he gave him until next Wednesday to "figure things outs".
Last year there was an altercation between my AH and I, and so we have been living separately until I feel comfortable having him move back in with my young son and I. Things were moving along towards this goal, but then all the sudden he started binge drinking on the weekends. I reminded him of our agreement, and that I would not have him come home if he was not working on his recovery.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was very ill and ended up needing an IV at the ER along with some testing. So, I dropped our son off with his father, and the plan was for him to spend the night. Well, after many hours in the ER I called my AH to see how things were going. He sounded loaded. I was furious. I raced over to his house to find him slurring his words, reeking of alcohol, and acting very strange. I took my son and we drove home.
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on. That there was nothing to live for. That was yesterday. Now, today he has become M.I.A. except for a few short texts but won't answer his phone.
Just don't know what to do. I imagine he is continuing on his really bad binge. His boss sent me a text yesterday saying he is only keeping him on his crew, because he knows that I need the money. Although, he is very close to losing his job, and now his boss was so fed up that he gave him until next Wednesday to "figure things outs".
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
So he is blackmailing you with threats of self harm via hard drug use in order to win you back. What a piece of work. So sorry you and your son are going through this. Seems like your best bet here is to continue with your plan and file for separation and custody of your son. Your husband is in no way fit to be around a minor child. He is not rational, safe or dependable and it sounds like his disease is really in the driver's seat.
I am sending hugs and strength to you.
I am sending hugs and strength to you.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
You could call the police and let them know he has threatened to kill himself and is MIA but still had his cellphone. They may be able to find him if location services are active.
Often times people do REALLY stupid things when they are F'd up. This you cannot control. I pray that he just sleeps it off - most times this is simply to manipulate and because they are out of theirs minds unable to form cohesive thinking and its the best they can come up with.
I certainly hope this does not happen.
Your AH is a loose cannon. Ladyscribbler is right he is not fit to be around and is dangerous. Keep yourself and your son safe.
Often times people do REALLY stupid things when they are F'd up. This you cannot control. I pray that he just sleeps it off - most times this is simply to manipulate and because they are out of theirs minds unable to form cohesive thinking and its the best they can come up with.
I certainly hope this does not happen.
Your AH is a loose cannon. Ladyscribbler is right he is not fit to be around and is dangerous. Keep yourself and your son safe.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Oh! Hugs! This is such a heart wrenching situation to be in. You sound strong and motivated to move toward a better life. I'm sorry that your AH is unable to move in that direction with you right now. I'm also hoping that this latest threat is just quacking that he'll forget when he comes up for air later. But, for your own peace of mind at least, it is a good idea to call the police to see if they could check on him.
I know how difficult it is to fight the urge to grab them by their britches and drag them in the direction we want for them, but he is finding his own way. When I found myself in a similar situation, that was the moment I found SR. The wisdom and support on here helped me to see that the best option for me was to not get involved, to drop my end of the tug-of-war rope. It was something I hadn't tried before, and I was shaking, the urge was so strong to intervene. But, I didn't, and a few days later, I found myself back on SR trying to figure out how I could have been mad enough to believe he was going to commit suicide. He was denying it strongly in an effort to gaslight me.
Stick around. Take some deep breaths. Focus on you and your son, and let your AH figure what's best for him. It sounds like you have some good people in your corner, and you can add all of us to the list too!
Peace,
Fathom
I know how difficult it is to fight the urge to grab them by their britches and drag them in the direction we want for them, but he is finding his own way. When I found myself in a similar situation, that was the moment I found SR. The wisdom and support on here helped me to see that the best option for me was to not get involved, to drop my end of the tug-of-war rope. It was something I hadn't tried before, and I was shaking, the urge was so strong to intervene. But, I didn't, and a few days later, I found myself back on SR trying to figure out how I could have been mad enough to believe he was going to commit suicide. He was denying it strongly in an effort to gaslight me.
Stick around. Take some deep breaths. Focus on you and your son, and let your AH figure what's best for him. It sounds like you have some good people in your corner, and you can add all of us to the list too!
Peace,
Fathom
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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I don't know much about custody issues, but here's a thought:
At some point you're quite possibly going to have to deal with custody issues in court. I wonder if calling 911, and making a public record of his issues would help you in a possible future custody case.
Either way, you'd be surprised how liberating that call can be once you make it. Let him be someone else's problem. Your energy is best spent taking care of yourself and your son.
Sending you strength and support and lots of hugs.
At some point you're quite possibly going to have to deal with custody issues in court. I wonder if calling 911, and making a public record of his issues would help you in a possible future custody case.
Either way, you'd be surprised how liberating that call can be once you make it. Let him be someone else's problem. Your energy is best spent taking care of yourself and your son.
Sending you strength and support and lots of hugs.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 220
Please call 911.
I know it seems like it is "over-reacting" to do so, but it is not. If he is serious, perhaps the professionals can help. If he is not serious, knowing that you will call 911 may stop his future threats of suicide to you.
I do not hesitate in dialing 911 for an ambulance or to report a threat of suicide anymore. I am not the professional to make the decisions.
Please take good care of yourself and your son.
I know it seems like it is "over-reacting" to do so, but it is not. If he is serious, perhaps the professionals can help. If he is not serious, knowing that you will call 911 may stop his future threats of suicide to you.
I do not hesitate in dialing 911 for an ambulance or to report a threat of suicide anymore. I am not the professional to make the decisions.
Please take good care of yourself and your son.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
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I agree. Call emergency and let professionals determine the situation.
My ex is still here after 18 years of "wanting to die"....yet my first boyfriend was gone in a heartbeat.
Suicide threats are serious stuff, whether he intends to or not.
My ex is still here after 18 years of "wanting to die"....yet my first boyfriend was gone in a heartbeat.
Suicide threats are serious stuff, whether he intends to or not.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you all that have responded already. Here is a little update on the situation and yes he was being manipulative. Shocker right!? *sarcasm all over that sentence*
I talked to him this afternoon over the phone since he was actually sober about his statement of threatening suicide a few days ago. Well, he quickly chimed in that he doesn't feel that way anymore, and then decided to talk real crazy by saying I always threaten suicide to him. Umm, I have never uttered those words to him.
So, now the new threat is he will be cutting me off financially and don't expect a dime from him. Then added that I wouldn't need to worry about that though, because I wouldn't be separating from him.
Ridiculous. I married a five year old.
I will be looking for a new job this week since my current job is only part-time.
I talked to him this afternoon over the phone since he was actually sober about his statement of threatening suicide a few days ago. Well, he quickly chimed in that he doesn't feel that way anymore, and then decided to talk real crazy by saying I always threaten suicide to him. Umm, I have never uttered those words to him.
So, now the new threat is he will be cutting me off financially and don't expect a dime from him. Then added that I wouldn't need to worry about that though, because I wouldn't be separating from him.
Ridiculous. I married a five year old.
I will be looking for a new job this week since my current job is only part-time.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Ahh yes, the BS they can spew is amazing. I would only text w my XAH for a while bc he would make stuff up, say crazy stuff, and contridict himself all the time. Keep on keeping on. Good luck w the job search!
Hugs!
Hugs!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by CantEvenDeal 
Thank you all that have responded already. Here is a little update on the situation and yes he was being manipulative. Shocker right!? *sarcasm all over that sentence*
I talked to him this afternoon over the phone since he was actually sober about his statement of threatening suicide a few days ago. Well, he quickly chimed in that he doesn't feel that way anymore, and then decided to talk real crazy by saying I always threaten suicide to him. Umm, I have never uttered those words to him.
So, now the new threat is he will be cutting me off financially and don't expect a dime from him. Then added that I wouldn't need to worry about that though, because I wouldn't be separating from him.
Ridiculous. I married a five year old.
I will be looking for a new job this week since my current job is only part-time.
I talked to him this afternoon over the phone since he was actually sober about his statement of threatening suicide a few days ago. Well, he quickly chimed in that he doesn't feel that way anymore, and then decided to talk real crazy by saying I always threaten suicide to him. Umm, I have never uttered those words to him.
So, now the new threat is he will be cutting me off financially and don't expect a dime from him. Then added that I wouldn't need to worry about that though, because I wouldn't be separating from him.
Ridiculous. I married a five year old.
I will be looking for a new job this week since my current job is only part-time.
Good luck on the job search, and don't take any of his junk personally. He is a sick man. If he gets too nuts call the DV hotline or 911. Don't put yourself in danger.
Big hugs. I'm rooting for you.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
Wow, wonder if he knows my ex? Maybe they're roommates in Crazytown. On the corner of Denial St. and Projection Blvd.
Good luck on the job search, and don't take any of his junk personally. He is a sick man. If he gets too nuts call the DV hotline or 911. Don't put yourself in danger.
Big hugs. I'm rooting for you.
Good luck on the job search, and don't take any of his junk personally. He is a sick man. If he gets too nuts call the DV hotline or 911. Don't put yourself in danger.
Big hugs. I'm rooting for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 11
Yes, Ladyscribbler, makes you wonder if we are all dating the same partner on these forums! You made me chuckle. Thank you for that, and I agree that I will be calling 911 if things start to unravel further. Makes me on edge to know that he knows where we live since it's the place we shared, and with him making references to his old drug use so nonchalantly. I warned him that if he ever did go back to meth, I would go M.I.A. on him. Meaning a DV shelter, unfortunately. So sick that he throws suicide around like that just for shock value.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
I had an ex-partner who threatened suicide if I ended the relationship. I told him that if his life without me was that bad, I would respect his decision - and ended the relationship.
This took an awful lot of deep-breath-and-brace-myself because my father HAD committed suicide a few years before - a fact of which he was well aware - and for a few days I went around feeling that my head was going to explode.
He didn't do it. And I didn't put myself back into a situation where I could be manipulated by a threat like this.
Years later, I realised that this is probably the most aggressive threat anyone can make, short of actually threatening to murder ME.
This took an awful lot of deep-breath-and-brace-myself because my father HAD committed suicide a few years before - a fact of which he was well aware - and for a few days I went around feeling that my head was going to explode.
He didn't do it. And I didn't put myself back into a situation where I could be manipulated by a threat like this.
Years later, I realised that this is probably the most aggressive threat anyone can make, short of actually threatening to murder ME.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Certainly this isn't unusual behaviour. It's highly manipulative, controlling and emotionally abusing.
Also.........NOT your responsibility.
Carry on with your plan of separation.
Also.........NOT your responsibility.
Carry on with your plan of separation.
Originally Posted by CantEvenDeal
It seems that I have seen this type of thread before on the forum. The type where the A will threaten suicide if the other party ends the relationship. Well, now I have fallen into that group, and part of me actual believes him.
Last year there was an altercation between my AH and I, and so we have been living separately until I feel comfortable having him move back in with my young son and I. Things were moving along towards this goal, but then all the sudden he started binge drinking on the weekends. I reminded him of our agreement, and that I would not have him come home if he was not working on his recovery.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was very ill and ended up needing an IV at the ER along with some testing. So, I dropped our son off with his father, and the plan was for him to spend the night. Well, after many hours in the ER I called my AH to see how things were going. He sounded loaded. I was furious. I raced over to his house to find him slurring his words, reeking of alcohol, and acting very strange. I took my son and we drove home.
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on. That there was nothing to live for. That was yesterday. Now, today he has become M.I.A. except for a few short texts but won't answer his phone.
Just don't know what to do. I imagine he is continuing on his really bad binge. His boss sent me a text yesterday saying he is only keeping him on his crew, because he knows that I need the money. Although, he is very close to losing his job, and now his boss was so fed up that he gave him until next Wednesday to "figure things outs".
Last year there was an altercation between my AH and I, and so we have been living separately until I feel comfortable having him move back in with my young son and I. Things were moving along towards this goal, but then all the sudden he started binge drinking on the weekends. I reminded him of our agreement, and that I would not have him come home if he was not working on his recovery.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was very ill and ended up needing an IV at the ER along with some testing. So, I dropped our son off with his father, and the plan was for him to spend the night. Well, after many hours in the ER I called my AH to see how things were going. He sounded loaded. I was furious. I raced over to his house to find him slurring his words, reeking of alcohol, and acting very strange. I took my son and we drove home.
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on. That there was nothing to live for. That was yesterday. Now, today he has become M.I.A. except for a few short texts but won't answer his phone.
Just don't know what to do. I imagine he is continuing on his really bad binge. His boss sent me a text yesterday saying he is only keeping him on his crew, because he knows that I need the money. Although, he is very close to losing his job, and now his boss was so fed up that he gave him until next Wednesday to "figure things outs".
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by CantEvenDeal
It seems that I have seen this type of thread before on the forum. The type where the A will threaten suicide if the other party ends the relationship. Well, now I have fallen into that group, and part of me actual believes him.
Last year there was an altercation between my AH and I, and so we have been living separately until I feel comfortable having him move back in with my young son and I. Things were moving along towards this goal, but then all the sudden he started binge drinking on the weekends. I reminded him of our agreement, and that I would not have him come home if he was not working on his recovery.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was very ill and ended up needing an IV at the ER along with some testing. So, I dropped our son off with his father, and the plan was for him to spend the night. Well, after many hours in the ER I called my AH to see how things were going. He sounded loaded. I was furious. I raced over to his house to find him slurring his words, reeking of alcohol, and acting very strange. I took my son and we drove home.
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on. That there was nothing to live for. That was yesterday. Now, today he has become M.I.A. except for a few short texts but won't answer his phone.
Just don't know what to do. I imagine he is continuing on his really bad binge. His boss sent me a text yesterday saying he is only keeping him on his crew, because he knows that I need the money. Although, he is very close to losing his job, and now his boss was so fed up that he gave him until next Wednesday to "figure things outs".
Last year there was an altercation between my AH and I, and so we have been living separately until I feel comfortable having him move back in with my young son and I. Things were moving along towards this goal, but then all the sudden he started binge drinking on the weekends. I reminded him of our agreement, and that I would not have him come home if he was not working on his recovery.
Fast forward to last weekend, I was very ill and ended up needing an IV at the ER along with some testing. So, I dropped our son off with his father, and the plan was for him to spend the night. Well, after many hours in the ER I called my AH to see how things were going. He sounded loaded. I was furious. I raced over to his house to find him slurring his words, reeking of alcohol, and acting very strange. I took my son and we drove home.
I told my AH I would be filing legal separation due to his lack of follow through and my need to protect me/son. He responded by going on a binge that day and then telling me he was going to kill himself if I did file. He has a past of using heavy drugs, and he threatened that he would get a bunch of heroin to overdose on. That there was nothing to live for. That was yesterday. Now, today he has become M.I.A. except for a few short texts but won't answer his phone.
Just don't know what to do. I imagine he is continuing on his really bad binge. His boss sent me a text yesterday saying he is only keeping him on his crew, because he knows that I need the money. Although, he is very close to losing his job, and now his boss was so fed up that he gave him until next Wednesday to "figure things outs".
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