skarletstarlet

Hey everyone,

My ex alcoholic fiance and I are still linked through our two kids. I recently started seeing a guy the same age as me in med school (I am in nursing). We get along fabulously and he adores me. He treats me like gold.

My problem is when my ex contacts me about his parents wanting to see the kids (he still lives at home and they use him to call me). He doesn't know about my new guy. It turns from "can the kids come here" to "can I take you out for dinner" and it kills me everytime. I KNOW he hasn't changed. I KNOW he never will.... but it breaks my heart that he's still trying to get me back, and that when he does find out about my new beau, I am scared he will turn down a path of complete destruction.

I know its weird that I still care, but we were together for 7 years (since high school) and he was my first love and the father of my two babies.

I need to stop feeling bad for him.

Taking5

How about reminding him that it is over between the two of you? He doesn't need to know about the new guy, he just needs to embrace the reality that he has no future with you.

marie1960

Maybe setting up a visitation schedule could help eliminate these types of phone calls? Or is it an option for the grandparents to contact you directly regarding the kids? Why does he have to be the middleman?

Communicate by text or email can also help to avoid the emotional elements.

hugs to you.

CodeJob

I might not be interpreting your note correctly, but I feel like you are guilting yourself over ex? Perhaps self esteem issue in the comparison between Mr. A and Mr. Gold, MD?

You deserve a great life partner.

SparkleKitty

If your kids' grandparents want to see them, why can they not contact you themselves?

honeypig

Remember, you didn't cause his problems, you can't control them and you can't cure them. If he does "turn down a path of complete destruction", it won't be b/c of anything you did or didn't do, even if he tells you that. We simply don't have that much power over their lives--if you did, wouldn't you have had the power to get him sober? If you couldn't make him get sober, it's doubtful you could make him continue to be an A, either.

Just turn him over to the Universe--he'll end up where he needs to end up. Take care of yourself and your kids.

Santa

Coming from another codependent, I'd be way more worried about what my new great BF, future doctor, will think about me after learning that I'm carrying a torch for/breaking my heart over my loser alkie ex who lives in his mom's basement

mejo

^^^This!!!! Could not have said it better. When I first started reading this post, I thought you were going to express worry about your new bf finding out that ex is still wanting you back. Boy, was I ever wrong. HELLO?
I get that he is the father of your children, but you AND your children have be handed a gift full of Dr. McDreamy, run with that and never look back (hopefully McDreamy turns out to be all you have ever prayed for). So happy for you sister!!!