Acheleus

I'm craving alcohol. I'm confused about what I am supposed to do. Sobriety at 8 months feels disappointing. All I want is that numb feeling to help me quit worrying about everything. I thought I would be healthy and happy by now but I am not. I'm in a relationship that makes me miserable. I'm so sick of selling myself short. I really can't even think or relax. What is wrong with me?

Dee74

The same thing thats wrong with most of us Ach - you want it all now, and you have a very selective memory

It takes time to learn how to live sober and be happy about that - 8 months is great but it's still nearer the start than the end.

I thought I would be happy and healthy by 8 months too - turns out my journey was a little longer...I'm glad I stayed with it.

Stay with this and you'll learn how to deal with stress disappointments and relationship problems without running away from them back to the bottle.

If you can't remember how bad your life was drinking, read back on some of your old posts.

You're light years ahead of where you were...don't let self doubt or self sabotage lead you into making a really bad decision.

It's not true that you can't do anything - make some calls to AA buddies, hang out here a while...get some recovery into ya

D

Gilmer

Peace has to come from within you. Drinking will never bring you peace--it won't even bring you solace anymore. It is all an illusion. Problems are still there after we drink--and now we've brought back the albatross of alcohol dependency to drag us down emotionally and physically.

Glad you posted here before drinking!

Why can't you simply break up with this girl?

bellaboos

Hi, trouble is if you drink to stop worrying about things when the booze wears off the the stuff you're worrying about is still there. And then you'll be worrying tenfold complete with monster hangover shame, guilt, depression and generally feeling like pants.
Simply stopping drinking is only the start I guess. I bet you're healthier and happier than 8 months ago but life's getting in the way of it at the moment.
Maybe have a good look at your relationship. It shouldn't be making you miserable and if it's threatening your sobriety I would suggest a break or maybe an honest talk with your partner.
Don't drink!!! 8 months is incredible. Don't throw it away

Acheleus

Ok I am going to sleep. I communicated with my partner and now I feel better. This alcoholism doesn't let up. It's a daily struggle. Im grateful for all yall

desypete

this is why i am glad i am in aa as i learned there how to live happy in my life without booze

today is just a normal day for me nothing exciting happening nothing i need to worry myself sick over
just a day like any other but what i do have is freedom of my mind that no longer keeps me in a pit of unhappiness

its taken me a long time to accept me as i am and to learn how to do things differently from how i always did them before

for example if i had a problem i would sit there and worry about, nothing else mattered to me excpet the problem that was making me unhappy
if only i didnt have this problem i would say to myself, then when the problem would be gone i would soon find another problem i could sit there and worry about all day long
i would take it out on the loved ones as it was there fault i was in the mess so they deserved it
i released my anger by hurting them it made them not like me but it was my only way of getting rid of my frustration

this was sober living for me without a drink but without anything else to replace it
i was just the same drunk as i was sober except when drunk i would do far worse things that i would be ashamed of etc

it would be a nightmare for anyone to live with someone who is like this a dry drunk and i take my hat off to all the people who have still stuck by there partners
for me i had to lose everything and start again but this time i had to look at me and the person i was
the dreaming of getting a good easy life without drinking and not doing anything else was over

but i only found my way out via aa and the people in aa at the meetings and then getting a sponsor and working the steps

but today for my daily living i still need the alcoholics to carry me and show me
even then i still get things wrong then pain will teach me
i know 10 years on looking back at my early days in sobriety i just couldnt go through all that pain again the pain of growing up and facing life without a drink or without my head runing around at 100 miles an hour over everything

thanks for your post my friend as you remind me of were i was once at and i never want to go there again so i must be doing something right
good luck to you

Hawkeye13

I'm going to give you a practical reason to stay sober Ach;

You won't cut it in a PhD drinking. Believe me.
It's a very different animal to an MA program.

You can get by with less than your best in an MA at times,
but PhD is more or less a "proving ground" for future peers.
I think this is pretty much true across fields--

You need your wits about you so you can really shine that first year.
Never missing deadlines, never being late or absent, being fully prepared each class,
engaging deeply in content, outside reading of peer-reviewed journals are all part
of the game inside and outside classes.

Not to mention excellence in your own teaching if that's how your funding yourself.
After all, you are training to be a professor in most cases.
Expectations will be higher all around.

You don't have time to drink my friend. Trust me

IOAA2

Hi. After many years in AA attending 13,000+ meetings I don’t ever recall anyone ever relapsing and returning to say life is better now drinking.

I had the idea that when I stopped drinking that life would be greatly improved. Nope I had to improve by doing a lot of changing and it takes time but it does improve one day at a time. Recovery does work IF WE WORK IT. It’s great to be comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
Perhaps the most important thing I heard & followed is “KEEP COMING” AND A MEETING LIST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AA LITERATURE.

BE WELL

Mentium

For many people who drank to 'cope' (which I did until my coping 'medicine' turned really nasty on me), quitting is just the beginning I am beginning to understand. That is why 'recovery' means much more to many people than simply stopping drinking. If that is all it takes of course then good luck to you, but for many people they have to start to learn how to live a life without the filtering effect of regular oblivion or self sedation, which for me offered a holiday from my head pretty much every day.

It is tough. For many people the AA program of recovery offers a path to follow to deal with the underlying issues. It is what I use, though there are of course other methods.

PurpleKnight

Hey Ach, hang in there!!

Eliminating Alcohol is only part of the job, reshaping our lives into a Sober lifestyle is the other side of the process, but that's going to take time!!

Ruby2

Hang in there. I'm at eight months too and there are days lately I want to drink to get rid of the miserable feelings I've been having. Discontent, stress, feeling pulled in every direction and not content with anything. So many times I've wanted to fill that void with alcohol to just blot it all out. But, I haven't. I'm not so far away from my last drink that I've forgotten the hours wasted on wasted hours. The drunken wreck passed out in a chair. I was not functioning when I drank. I was a part time wife. A part time mother. I've been struggling lately to fill that hole but I know it can be done which is why I haven't picked up a drink. Getting more phone numbers to call. Reaching out. Even if you aren't religious the serenity prayer helps, asking or just thinking about accepting things you can't change...the weather, traffic, the passing of time..changing the things you can...relationships, etc. I look at this period as growing pains. I relapsed last August while feeling much the same way. I'm working on not repeating. Try something new. Keep coming here.

GotGrace

Please hang in there, Ach. You have come so far. Like Dee said, go back and read your posts from last fall. You don't want to go back there, do you?

You can do this.

Nuudawn

I'm just guessing here, but I'm thinking that even a person who doesn't having an alcohol dependency issue...would be feeling miserable, lost and confused when in a relationship they want out of. This is not an "alcoholism" problem...this is a "life problem" you are struggling to NOT answer with an old alcoholic cop out. There are folks who blatantly "cheat" on their SO's or just act like total jerks as to prompt the other to leave. People hate this stuff...all people hate this stuff....fighting addiction or not.

Do you have sponsor or counsellor or anyone to talk to about the "break up" aspect. Do you live with this person? That makes it all the more difficult. Entering and exiting a relationship in first year sobriety is a real mettle tester. Please, please don't lose all your hard work. You started out ahead of me in this sobriety proposition...and you still are : )

I'm really glad you're still posting your way through this old friend.

IWillWin

Ach - good for you! So glad you shared and battled the beast back into its cage.

Proud of you...and yeah, it does seem disappointing at times. I expected a parade and billboards once I kicked it for good. Turns out, my sobriety is not headline news. Even my closest friends just ignore it because they don't know how to congratulate me on my recovery while they actively continue to drink. That's why AA or SR or other sober support is crucial. I expected every person I know to tell me how fabulous I am every day I stay sober. Apparently, the only voice that matters is mine took me a bit to figure that out!!

Keep it moving and don't look back.

mfanch

Last night at my homegroup meeting, a woman shared that this was her second meeting back after many years. She had 11 years sober in AA and then quit doing the work. She was out for 8 more years drinking. She said nothing out there has changed and I believe her.

Sobriety is so much more than quitting drink. What is your plan to change? To rewire your brain? Until I did this rewiring, I craved alcohol and drugs constantly. When I followed my PLAN, the obsession and cravings left.

I suggest a plan. Then FOLLOW the plan. Every day.

Anna

So, what can you do to change that? Are you able/willing to fix the relationship or is it time to move on? It's your responsibility to try to find a solution that will work for you.

And, I agree there are often no bells chiming when we reach a milestone in our recovery, but 'we know'. We know how far we've come.

sillysuzanfree

You have a lot more going on at 8 months than I have at over 2 years! I still don't have anything I think I need or want yet but realize now it's all God's will.. I have to trust I'm doing the things I'm suppose to be doing. No it isn't easy sometimes...but thank God I realize that drinking is only going to set me all the way back again. I don't know about your relationship issue but trust that will turn out the way it is suppose to.

I love Dee's comment "you want it all now, and you have a very selective memory" So true for me!

Croissant

Feeding the thought that drinking is an option, will leave one option - drinking.

mfanch

+1 what croissant said.

Once I am into physical craving territory, it is pretty much over for me. IF I don't make a decision to act otherwise.

SPIRITUAL<--->MENTAL<--->PHYSICAL

Before the physical craving returns, I have to lose spiritual fitness AND have the return of the mental obsession. Once the last part returns...a physical craving, an actual drink is around the corner. So when I have relapsed in the past, it was coming for quite some time.

BUT it is reversible. I will reiterate getting a plan pronto. Above all else. So that you can stop this in its tracks.

Tiptree

Ach - All you have worked for up to this point can be lost. You are a smart guy. Don't blow it.