never ending cycle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4
never ending cycle
Hi all. I'm new to this and not the most technologically gifted with computers not exactly sure how it works yet but I've been told to introduce myself so I'll give ye a brief story so please feel free to drop me a line.
Over the past number of weeks/months I've begun to come to terms that I need to drastically reduce my drinking or stop altogether. Whilst some of my fondest memories have involved beer fueled banter these are becoming less and less and I left an excellent career, long term girlfriend who was my rock and pissed off to the other side of the world so it wouldn't be as noticeable. Now 6 months later I have squandered every last cent of my savings, on the cusp of losing my job if I fail to show up again, a string of fights and trouble with the law its time to make the change before its too late.
In saying all that I am not homeless drink in in a bus shelter but the issue is I cannot have 1 drink and leave it, I end up going on a full blown bender for days on end where I am liable to do absolutely anything.
I would love to know of anyone with similar experiences and how ye took that first step to stop and anyone who has managed to reduce their intake as opposed to stopping completely as I find 95% of my social life and most other Irish persons life involves alcohol so I don't want to lose that aspect of my life if at all possible..
Over the past number of weeks/months I've begun to come to terms that I need to drastically reduce my drinking or stop altogether. Whilst some of my fondest memories have involved beer fueled banter these are becoming less and less and I left an excellent career, long term girlfriend who was my rock and pissed off to the other side of the world so it wouldn't be as noticeable. Now 6 months later I have squandered every last cent of my savings, on the cusp of losing my job if I fail to show up again, a string of fights and trouble with the law its time to make the change before its too late.
In saying all that I am not homeless drink in in a bus shelter but the issue is I cannot have 1 drink and leave it, I end up going on a full blown bender for days on end where I am liable to do absolutely anything.
I would love to know of anyone with similar experiences and how ye took that first step to stop and anyone who has managed to reduce their intake as opposed to stopping completely as I find 95% of my social life and most other Irish persons life involves alcohol so I don't want to lose that aspect of my life if at all possible..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Glasgow UK
Posts: 123
Hi Conbon, you have already lost a lot in your life and you also recognise you can't have one drink without going on a bender! unfortunately all or most on SR would love to have a couple of drinks, get a lovely buzz from it, go to bed and wake up hangover free with a big smile the following morning. It's not going to happen. You either carry on the way you are or get support to STOP. Go to AA, read Rational Recovery, do what it takes. Whatever I wish you the very best in your road to recovery if that is the road you want to take.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Conbon,
I tried and tried different ways to control my drinking over the course of about six years. The quantity kept slowly creeping up and I broke all the rules I set for myself such as only on weekends, only after 7 pm, only 4 drinks a night.
I finally decided to stop completely because I didn't even enjoy 1-4 drinks and found that 1-4 made me even more anxious than having none. It's not easy to stop but I definitely passed the causal drinking phase a few years ago.
I tried and tried different ways to control my drinking over the course of about six years. The quantity kept slowly creeping up and I broke all the rules I set for myself such as only on weekends, only after 7 pm, only 4 drinks a night.
I finally decided to stop completely because I didn't even enjoy 1-4 drinks and found that 1-4 made me even more anxious than having none. It's not easy to stop but I definitely passed the causal drinking phase a few years ago.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
It was Russian roulette if I had that first drink, I was more often than not off on a nasty bender. The only way to stop that, was to not take that first drink one day at a time. If I could have two and stop I guess I would, but I never truly wanted two anyway.
I looked into AA and it helped. I couldn't not pick up the first drink without support. Three years later I haven't picked up that first drink and life is better.
I looked into AA and it helped. I couldn't not pick up the first drink without support. Three years later I haven't picked up that first drink and life is better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,348
Hi and welcome conbon - good to have you with us.
You'll find a lot of other Irish folks here too.
I'm not Irish but I am Australian - my life revolved around drinking too.
I tried cutting back, I tried changing my drinks, I tried drinking water inbetween...
The only thing that really worked for me was not drinking at all.
I thought my life would be over at the point, but in reality it started again
If your drinking is causing you problems, maybe you could do with a few changes in your life too?
D
You'll find a lot of other Irish folks here too.
I'm not Irish but I am Australian - my life revolved around drinking too.
I tried cutting back, I tried changing my drinks, I tried drinking water inbetween...
The only thing that really worked for me was not drinking at all.
I thought my life would be over at the point, but in reality it started again
If your drinking is causing you problems, maybe you could do with a few changes in your life too?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
The problem is as you say "I cannot have 1 drink and leave it", so cutting drinking to 95% or 98.9% you're still always going to have that 1 drink, so nothing is realistically going to change.
For me accepting this and realising abstinence was the only way to ensure I don't have that 1st drink to open that door really changed my life.
You can't have both lives though, the social life fuelled with alcohol but not the consequences that come with it, it's either Sobriety or continuing down the same path for many, but that's going to mean big changes in your activities and who you hang out with, the question is how badly do you want it in order to make the necessary changes?!!
Also keep in mind not all Irish people drink!!
The problem is as you say "I cannot have 1 drink and leave it", so cutting drinking to 95% or 98.9% you're still always going to have that 1 drink, so nothing is realistically going to change.
For me accepting this and realising abstinence was the only way to ensure I don't have that 1st drink to open that door really changed my life.
You can't have both lives though, the social life fuelled with alcohol but not the consequences that come with it, it's either Sobriety or continuing down the same path for many, but that's going to mean big changes in your activities and who you hang out with, the question is how badly do you want it in order to make the necessary changes?!!
Also keep in mind not all Irish people drink!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4
Wow thanks everybody I don't know what to say, I've never had this conversation with anyone so it feels encouraging knowing ye can all relate. I guess the anonymity makes it easier to talk!
I realise if I only have 1-4 drinks it will only make me anxious to have more and won't be fun at all! I have in the past tried to limit the amount of nights I go out to 2/3 nights per month as opposed to the quantity I consume as I felt it would be more realistic.
Once Monday comes I generally would not drink till the Friday assuming the party has ended. As soon as Friday comes alarm bells go off and the phone is in overdrive until I give in and I know that's the same for many others so I'd love to know how you eliminate them or substitute them for??
I realise if I only have 1-4 drinks it will only make me anxious to have more and won't be fun at all! I have in the past tried to limit the amount of nights I go out to 2/3 nights per month as opposed to the quantity I consume as I felt it would be more realistic.
Once Monday comes I generally would not drink till the Friday assuming the party has ended. As soon as Friday comes alarm bells go off and the phone is in overdrive until I give in and I know that's the same for many others so I'd love to know how you eliminate them or substitute them for??
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
I was a more drink a 6 pack (and...) every day kind of guy. What helped me was to identify the times of day and the week when I was particularly "at risk". For me that was between 8-11pm, especially at weekends. I set myself alternative activities at for those times...running, movie, eating ice cream (don't fancy booze after that!), surf this and similar sites... If you know when you're at risk you can prepare for it...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome conbon....
it sounds to me like you're well onto the sliding, slippery path of descent that this thing takes us down eventually - those of us who are alcoholic.
Your story rings familiar in several ways. I understand.
I'm glad you're not homeless and drinking in a bus shelter. The fact that you logged on here and took this step means you never have to be.
The choice of sobriety is a wonderful, rewarding and life-changing one. I hope that this is your first day of firmly making that choice.... join us and see how awesome life really is.
it sounds to me like you're well onto the sliding, slippery path of descent that this thing takes us down eventually - those of us who are alcoholic.
Your story rings familiar in several ways. I understand.
I'm glad you're not homeless and drinking in a bus shelter. The fact that you logged on here and took this step means you never have to be.
The choice of sobriety is a wonderful, rewarding and life-changing one. I hope that this is your first day of firmly making that choice.... join us and see how awesome life really is.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by conbon 
I realise if I only have 1-4 drinks it will only make me anxious to have more and won't be fun at all!
Originally Posted by conbon
I give in and I know that's the same for many others so I'd love to know how you eliminate them or substitute them for??
First I had to accept I was an alcoholic. That took decades until I was at the end of my rope. I was at my bottom. I was done.
I attend AA. I go to meetings and I work the program. I have found a new way to live. I deal with life on life's term instead of escaping from it. I no longer have the desire drink or the obsession to escape.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome to what can become a great path in your life if you let it.
“I have squandered every last cent of my savings, on the cusp of losing my job if I fail to show up again, a string of fights and trouble with the law it’s time to make the change before it’s too late.
In saying all that I am not homeless drink in a bus shelter but the issue is I cannot have 1 drink and leave it, I end up going on a full blown bender for days on end where I am liable to do absolutely anything.”
The change we have to make is changing the way we adore alcohol and thinking about it so much as it’s ruining us if we continue. It’s simple, not always simple, if we don’t pick up the first drink we don’t have to get sober AGAIN!
In the second sentence just add the word YET, Your Eligible Too.
As proven millions of times, if your alcoholic and continue to drink we find things will get worse, never better.
I got involved in AA a lot of years ago until today for the much better way of life it showed me. Reading the experiences on these forums is an excellent tool also.
BE WELL
“I have squandered every last cent of my savings, on the cusp of losing my job if I fail to show up again, a string of fights and trouble with the law it’s time to make the change before it’s too late.
In saying all that I am not homeless drink in a bus shelter but the issue is I cannot have 1 drink and leave it, I end up going on a full blown bender for days on end where I am liable to do absolutely anything.”
The change we have to make is changing the way we adore alcohol and thinking about it so much as it’s ruining us if we continue. It’s simple, not always simple, if we don’t pick up the first drink we don’t have to get sober AGAIN!
In the second sentence just add the word YET, Your Eligible Too.
As proven millions of times, if your alcoholic and continue to drink we find things will get worse, never better.
I got involved in AA a lot of years ago until today for the much better way of life it showed me. Reading the experiences on these forums is an excellent tool also.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4
Yeah I think if I lasted a fortnight and got some momentum behind me I'd be less swayed and would have more purpose but there always seems to be some "unmissable" event for example my old friend from home is moving into my house this weekend here in Australia which means I'll have to show him a good time- I can't expect him to suffer because I can't control my drinking, then my birthday is next weekend and I know my housemates are going to throw a party but the point im making is there is always something and I couldn't imagine not drinking at these as I don't have the social skills to mix without drinking. I realise these sound like petty excuses and as I read them again I know they are but that's just the reality and its increasingly looking like if I'm going to stop drinking I'm going to have to change my whole life.
On the plus side its a Friday night and I'm watching a documentary about penguins after stuffing my fridge to the brim with the money I would have spent tonight had I ventured out- at this rate I'll even make my half day at work tomorrow
On the plus side its a Friday night and I'm watching a documentary about penguins after stuffing my fridge to the brim with the money I would have spent tonight had I ventured out- at this rate I'll even make my half day at work tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Originally Posted by conbon
its increasingly looking like if I'm going to stop drinking I'm going to have to change my whole life.
When it comes to other people, is someone else's enjoyment more important than sorting out your own life? these are the tough questions we all needed to ask ourselves when we realised we needed to sort out our relationship with alcohol!!
It can be done though!!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR.
Do you find it interesting that going to work is a missable event, but getting drunk with old friends isn't? I'm not throwing rocks - been there, done that.
There is a better way of living. Hoping you can find it.
Originally Posted by conbon
... but there always seems to be some "unmissable" event...
There is a better way of living. Hoping you can find it.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Conbon - good luck in your quest and welcome to the island of misfit toys!
For me and most real alcoholics the realization that we are not "normal", whatever that means today - was a like a bucket of cold water dumped on our heads. I could not drink in moderation though it was not for lack of effort over 30+ years of trying.
What I have discovered is a life that is MORE fulfilling, relationships that are genuinely real and a sense of spirituality that this agnostic never thought possible. Happy, joyous and free is the goal. I am not there yet, but I see it daily in others.
The admission for myself that I was an alcoholic did not go into my brain very well. It really is a mental defect not physical. But, remember the same sick mind that leads us to drink gallons of booze cannot fix itself!!! A fellow told me once - when you admit that you're an alcoholic that make is unanimous.
Good luck to you my friend. If you have the desire and willingness anyone can kick it. Seek help if you have reached that point because you DESERVE THE BEST!!!
Peace brother......
For me and most real alcoholics the realization that we are not "normal", whatever that means today - was a like a bucket of cold water dumped on our heads. I could not drink in moderation though it was not for lack of effort over 30+ years of trying.
What I have discovered is a life that is MORE fulfilling, relationships that are genuinely real and a sense of spirituality that this agnostic never thought possible. Happy, joyous and free is the goal. I am not there yet, but I see it daily in others.
The admission for myself that I was an alcoholic did not go into my brain very well. It really is a mental defect not physical. But, remember the same sick mind that leads us to drink gallons of booze cannot fix itself!!! A fellow told me once - when you admit that you're an alcoholic that make is unanimous.
Good luck to you my friend. If you have the desire and willingness anyone can kick it. Seek help if you have reached that point because you DESERVE THE BEST!!!
Peace brother......
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 28
Hi conbon,
I can't really contribute a lot since I'm a new member and my sobrerity is not that long, but I can relate to your story in every way. There will always be obstacles, situations, birthdays, but trust me, it gets better and it's amaizing how beings sober, living sober improves your life.
Good luck on your journey.
I can't really contribute a lot since I'm a new member and my sobrerity is not that long, but I can relate to your story in every way. There will always be obstacles, situations, birthdays, but trust me, it gets better and it's amaizing how beings sober, living sober improves your life.
Good luck on your journey.
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