scaredofchange

It's been a while since I visited these boards. I got pretty drunk last night and can't shake this awful embarrased and anxious feeling. I even got to meet Nd hangout with a musician that i grew up listening to and I feel like he was annoyed with me. He allowed me to play a song after his set and even said something like "if you're not too drunk". That really upset me, even in the moment. I did grey out and din't remember the entire walk home either. Not cool!

Ugh, i just need to get this off my chest. I feel like death physically and mentally right now. Part pf me wants to commit to stopping drinking starting today but then I find myself making excuses and thinking about upcoming events where booze will be prevelant. A bachelor party and festival gig with my band Saturday, etc.

Any advice? Can anyone relate? So anxious, embarrasses and upset with myself.

Scaredofchange

Hevyn

I'm so glad you came here to talk it over. I know the feeling well.

There'll be many who will relate Scared. This is what we do - upset ourselves with our behavior and then feel remorseful. After decades of it I'd finally had enough. My binges were becoming more dangerous and unpredictable. I could feel the loss of control growing stronger each time - and I had to stop all together to protect myself. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to admit what you're admitting now - the drinking life has to come to a close. You can do this.

ScottFromWI

I can absolutely relate. I was in that cycle for years - putting off quitting until after the next party, weekend, celebration, trip, etc. Eventually for me though it got to the point where i had to drink each and every day just to feel normal, i didn't drink for fun anymore. It was a necessity just to keep my heart rate down and prevent myself from having withdrawals.

Advice? I'd say really think hard about where you stand on your drinking. You can be sober if you accept that you cannot drink ever, and put your foot down. I'd suggest doing it now too, planning to quit at any point in the future really never seems to work.

doggonecarl

You will shake it and you'll drink again...unless you put a plan in place that will keep you from making excuses and planning future drinking.

Shame and embarrassment can drive us to think about sobriety, but only action, on your part, will see you through recovery.

0percentABV

Hate to say it but you'll have to change and not be scared of it. Not to say you can't play in your band anymore or anything but if you really want to be sober you're going to have to make some different plans for the near future. It's not uncommon for musicians to cancel tours to go into rehab. Not saying you have to do any of that but look inside yourself and if you are comfortable and sure that you can do what is planned this weekend and not drink then you are sure. If not? Then I would say sorry and bow out. It's all up to you. It's a tough thing, I know. But if you really want this to end then you have to make some serious decisions.

scaredofchange

Thanks for the support everyone. I stopped for a month in January, just to see if I could. This website motivated me to do so then. I'm hoping that getting back on here helps me answer some difficult questions.

Are there any threads or post on here that you guys find exceptional, helpful and motivating? I don't really know where to start right now.

Scaredofchange

PurpleKnight

Welcome back, it's gonna come down to making big changes in your life, when I got Sober I needed to evaluate my activities and make changes, it's all about how important is being Sober to you, nothing changes if nothing changes!!

You can do this, put a plan on the way forward is needed!!

least

Try posting in the Class of July thread for extra support.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html

And also in the 24 hour recovery connections thread in Daily Support. You just post once a day promising to be sober for the next 24 hours.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-8-a.html

Tonymblue

I was there too. Couldnt go hours without. Scared of the outcome (kindling withdrawals) youre in a tight spot. I personally avoid those events where alcohol is prevalent. Good luck.

FreeOwl

check this out.

I often think that musicians and creatives have a tougher time of it where addiction is concerned. We creative are pre-disposed to it, thinking that we have to have substances to 'enhance' our creative flow.

That's a lie. And a LOT of musicians have discovered it.

Here's one badass punk rock artist and man who I see as an inspiration and a role model. Rollins is inarguably a talented hardass and at the same time a gifted, soulful creative.

Shift your focus; see how you can be a beacon of a rare and pure form of creativity... embrace the joy and the rush of being an artist free from the haze..... you'll be pretty damn amazed what that brings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bHIQ5jGJ6Q

FreeOwl

here's a whole bunch of others who get it....

29 Musicians Who Won’t Be Drinking On St. Patrick’s Day « WCBS-FM 101.1

FreeOwl

here's an interesting string of speaker meetings recordings from a musician you may recognize....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aoz...ClwYyJJynivl_C