NightmaresOnWax

How did you guys/girls deal with all the alcohol being shoved in your face at first?

A lot of people I work with are alcoholics. I quit drinking on Monday and already, twice this week someone has asked me to go out for drinks after work. It's usually them backing out on me, this time I had to make up excuses. They have been harassing me when I tell them I can't go.

I also ride a motorcycle and I would sometimes go to a group meet on Thursday nights with some members from a local web forum. I would normally get drunk and end up doing stupid things that made everyone laugh at my own expense.
Today they asked me what my funny, drunken story for the week is and I mentioned that I hadn't drank this week, so I had nothing.
Their response was "well it's Thursday night, so I'm sure you won't disappoint!"
Well, as you probably already know, there can be no more Thursday nights like there were before. I'm pretty sure they are going to give me a bunch of crap when I tell them this and have to explain why...or should I just not explain?

Tomorrow is Friday, so surely someone else is going to ask to go out.

This weekend is the beach house. Everyone will be drinking except for me. Even my girlfriends older kids, who have already asked me to bring along ingredients to make them mixed drinks, because I can make a mean cocktail..Once I bring that, everyone is going to want me to mix them drinks. There will also be plenty of ice cold beer there, my drink of choice...I need to come up with a plan for how I'm going to deal with this situation ahead of time.

It's becoming painfully clear how alcohol was involved in every single activity I did outside of work.

Nowsthetime

Hola: I'm surrounded by drinkers also and have had to deal with it and them since the beginning of my sobriety. I used to be a bartender so I also make people drinks and people expect it. I just do not pick up the first drink and that is that. Funny how something so simple can be so hard. I would suggest that you dismiss the comments from people expecting you to be their entertainment. They will get over it. Remember that it s your decision to be sober. They are not the ones that have to deal with that icky feelings you get after a binge.

Stay strong!

aborkie

I'm afraid to break the news but if you are so concerned about what others think, you are probably not going to quit.

PurpleKnight

It's going to come down to telling people "I'm cutting back on my drinking"!!

When I got Sober I had to make some big decisions on the activities I got involved in and people I hung out with, but the more I said "I'm not drinking this evening", the more I stopped being invited to things, people wouldn't bother asking after a while.

ScottFromWI

You have no obligation to explain anything to anyone if they ask, it's your sobriety and your life. I personally don't make it a secret that I don't drink anymore, but I don't go out of my way to shout it out to the world either.

Quite frankly, most people don't even notice. The only people that did were my old drinking buddies, who I really don't hang out with anymore. All we had in common was drinking so there is really nothing for us to do together anymore.

If you absolutely insist on going to the Beach House party this weekend ( which many had recommended against you doing ) i'd say have a specific plan to get out of there if you can't handle it. Drive a separate vehicle so you can leave. Have your phone or some other way to get on the internet to access SR if that's your main recovery method.

You do realize you are only 3 days sober and you are heading face first into probably the worst place you could possibly go at this stage of your sobriety, dont' you?

NightmaresOnWax

It's not really that I care what they think. I'm just looking for ideas on how to handle those situations, based on what works for others.

Anna

I can tell you what worked for me.

I had to stay away from alcohol and people drinking completely, for many months. I had to do it to save myself, and I am so grateful that I did. Early recovery means major lifestyle changes.

ScottFromWI

For the most part, avoiding them in the first place is the way I handle it. Since I don't drink anymore, there is no reason for me to be in bars or drinking parties for any extended period of time.

Getting sober is not just quitting drinking, it is a major change in your lifestyle. You will have to make decisions and do things you are not comfortable with. You may need to find some new friends and new places to hang out.

I think that you will also find that being a sober person among a group of drunk people is really no fun at all. In fact it's pretty disturbing to see how we acted when we were part of their group.

NightmaresOnWax

Good advice. I realize that this is a bad idea, but I feel obligated to go because my girlfriend has planned this for so long and has put all her vacation savings into it.
Quite frankly I never really enjoyed the beach house, because I was around her constantly and I couldn't get as hammered as I wanted to.
Maybe I will actually enjoy doing the activities everyone else is doing this time. We will be renting jet skis, kayaks and will be fishing/crabbing right off the balcony.
Before I could never ride the jetskis because drinking was more important. I had to act like I didn't want to ride anyways.

Solid advice about the escape plan in case everyone decides to make one of the nights a party night. I will be riding there on my motorcycle so I can leave and just take a ride for a few hours if I need to. I always have my phone with me, so I will be able to get on and I likely will.

I realize I'm probably going to have to make new friends. I'm also starting to realize already that these people weren't my real friend and they likely enjoyed being around me because I made them feel better about their drinking...I guess I need to work on finding people that I actually have things in common with. I've been drinking/smoking pot all the time prior to for so long that I've honestly forgot what kind of person I really am

NightmaresOnWax

How did you keep yourself entertained during this period of time? I'm starting to realize that I'm going to have to start associating with a completely new group of people. In the meantime I will be alone.

The beach house is mainly family, so it's not like it's some big frat party or something, but there will certainly be drinking among my girlfriend, her kids and her friends who are visiting. I'm not going to be able to get around that. There will be certain occasions where they will be drinking. Luckily they don't drink often or heavily when they do. It's her friends who will be doing most of the drinking.

ESD907

Blame antiobiotcs. Blame an upcoming medical procedure. Say, your doc said to lay off it. Thats for your work buddies. For family, tell em the truth. eventually, you will also tell it to your co workers, or you will simply just be a coworker, no longer a drinking/riding buddy. i'll probably take heat for the lying part (from others here), but if it keeps you from drinking so be it.

NightmaresOnWax

Yeah I have no problem lying to co workers. As their supervisor I do it quite often anyways lol.
Really I could just blow them off until they quit asking. All my family already knows. Scott's advise about the escape plan was solid. Even though they know I'm trying to quit, that won't keep them from drinking and my Girlfriend doesn't seem to understand that I can't just drink one or two, so I will have the escape plan in place if I start feeling like I need a drink I will leave.

andyroo72

Hi NightmaresOnWax,

Sounds like we're both in a similar place re: other people's drinking. I've been sober for about six weeks, so I'm a real newbie- I'm still finding my way. I'm often in situations where others are drinking and I find it really hard to figure out.

My one big rule is I wont be around people who are drinking to get drunk. That's a huge one for me- that kind of environment is not only tempting but it's boring and, more often than not, freaking annoying for me :=] I'm good (ish) with being around 'casual' drinkers- a couple of wines over dinner and that sort of thing. In fact, I think that's good for me- it shows me that some folks can drink responsibly, I'm not one of them and that's Ok :=]

The other thing is this rule that if it gets too much I will bail. That's really reassuring, too. It gives me an out. I've totally given myself permission to run away if it gets too much and I've told people that too. They can either respect that or go f**k off :=]

I'm finding this period really tough too- I don't wanna lose my friends, but staying sober is more important. I'm scared of all these changes and I sometimes feel like Johnny Nofriends. But I'm really committed to sobriety- that's the most important thing, even though it does feel pretty mercenary to say that. I think spelling out that commitment to myself makes it easier.

Anyhoo, I hope you're doing well this chilly morning. Take care.

melki

I have found that to be very true! I enjoy people, places, situations, and me a lot more now that I'm not preoccupied with drinking. I definitely see the value in advice of avoiding alcohol-related situations, especially the ones where getting drunk is the primary goal, like going to a pub with your work mates. I feel it's different with family, close friends and events you care about. I personally choose not to remove myself from those but make sure to have a very solid plan for myself beforehand. You know this weekend at the beach house can be problematic, so do have a plan for every possible scenario. Make a plan to enjoy activities that you couldn't when you were drinking; I think this is a great approach! Think of it as an OPPORTUNITY, not a limitation. List things you will do instead and make sure you have a plan not to drink in any case thrown at you: have a reason for not drinking completely, have a reason for getting out of mixing drinks, and definitely have an escape plan. Good luck!!! Do check in here over the weekend please.

Carlotta

No thank you works wonder for me.
Since you ride a motorcycle, you should look up sober biker clubs in your area.
A member of my home group became sober that way, he joined a sober biker club where he would have gotten kicked out if he had drank, he really liked riding with those guys so it was a good motivation not to pick up and he also made some very good sober friends that way. He is too elderly now to ride his motorcycle but he is going on his 36 year of sobriety.
Check out that part of the forum?
Bikers in Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

soberjuly

I used to hate it when there was no booze in my house, now I love it. No temptation.

Yes, I don't know what to say. I was on vacation recently and had people walking passed me with drinks or on an airplane with drinks...but my husband never drank. He can take it or leave it and he mostly leaves it. He also knows I really can't have just one drink without wanting the whole damn bottle and then we are back at Square 1.

My drinking affects a family with 3 kids, so my husband is very invested in my quitting. My kids aren't grown, they still need a mom, preferably sober, to raise them.

Wow, I don't have any clever advice but I do wish you luck. I think you got some good advice here, I like the idea of an escape plan. Also, saying you are taking meds and can't drink alcohol. That's a very valid excuse.

gardendiva

You got this. Check in over the weekend.

Dee74

yeah this for me too.

I tried not making lifestyle changes, but my old life was so bound up in drinking that again and again I fell back into it.

I needed a new life to go with the old me. That's the only thing that worked for me.

D

Nuudawn

Hmmm...keep drinking til you lose all your friends, your job and your motorcycle license? Then you can focus on not drinking maybe. Sorry...probably not helpful.

If not strong enough to tell people you are putting down the bottle for your health or own good..and mean it...avoid these situations until stronger. Early sobriety ain't easy...that's why there's a revolving door at the entrance.

gardendiva

Thinking about you Wax. How's the weekend going?