Unsure as to where I stand
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posts: 245
Unsure as to where I stand
Hi everyone, this is my first post here! I’m a guy in my mid-twenties in the United States. I’m posting mainly because I have a few questions about drinking and alcoholism, and this seemed like a great place to ask.
I'm wondering about my relationship to drinking. I started drinking when I was a teenager with my friends, this was normal, especially since we were in Wisconsin. I continued drinking socially when I went away to college. It got bad during my senior year. I was living by myself, and a lot of the friendships I was in were toxic and made me feel very unstable. In order to cope, I drank often, alone, and too much. I lived near a grocery store that sold 40’s of Mickey’s and Steel Reserve, so I went with that or something similar like PBR. (Cheap and effective, smart thinking, right?) I drank a few beers almost every night. On weekends I drink a six or twelve pack. I usually drank alone in my room while watching TV. The heavy drinking lasted about 4 months. Only two or three people know about this time in my life.
Thankfully I graduated soon thereafter, and met my amazing partner who I’ve been with for over a year. Getting out of that environment and meeting someone very positive really helped me shape up, and my drinking habits returned to normal, once a week if any. For awhile I viewed that period of my life as just based in circumstance: I was stuck in a bad situation so I dealt with it the best way I knew how. Now I am wondering if it wasn’t just circumstance, though. The thought of that time haunts me. What if I wasn’t able to move away/get new friends/etc? Would I be an alcoholic by now? Or more importantly: am I an alcoholic already? I see myself in a lot of the posts I’ve read on here in the past few days or so. A emotionally tough childhood left me with feelings of alienation and low self-esteem. I have depression and anxiety. At one and a half beers it’s a lot easier to open up and relate to others. Once I start drinking I want more. I find myself a little anxious if I have just one beer. I don’t generally have more than three or four depending, but never only one if possible.
My partner and I just moved to a new city and are living together. Things are going really well and I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to live my life, hence these reflections. So, does it seem like I have an alcoholic personality? Did I dodge a bullet that might swerve back around if I give it the chance? Thanks for reading this, hope you’re having a great day.
I'm wondering about my relationship to drinking. I started drinking when I was a teenager with my friends, this was normal, especially since we were in Wisconsin. I continued drinking socially when I went away to college. It got bad during my senior year. I was living by myself, and a lot of the friendships I was in were toxic and made me feel very unstable. In order to cope, I drank often, alone, and too much. I lived near a grocery store that sold 40’s of Mickey’s and Steel Reserve, so I went with that or something similar like PBR. (Cheap and effective, smart thinking, right?) I drank a few beers almost every night. On weekends I drink a six or twelve pack. I usually drank alone in my room while watching TV. The heavy drinking lasted about 4 months. Only two or three people know about this time in my life.
Thankfully I graduated soon thereafter, and met my amazing partner who I’ve been with for over a year. Getting out of that environment and meeting someone very positive really helped me shape up, and my drinking habits returned to normal, once a week if any. For awhile I viewed that period of my life as just based in circumstance: I was stuck in a bad situation so I dealt with it the best way I knew how. Now I am wondering if it wasn’t just circumstance, though. The thought of that time haunts me. What if I wasn’t able to move away/get new friends/etc? Would I be an alcoholic by now? Or more importantly: am I an alcoholic already? I see myself in a lot of the posts I’ve read on here in the past few days or so. A emotionally tough childhood left me with feelings of alienation and low self-esteem. I have depression and anxiety. At one and a half beers it’s a lot easier to open up and relate to others. Once I start drinking I want more. I find myself a little anxious if I have just one beer. I don’t generally have more than three or four depending, but never only one if possible.
My partner and I just moved to a new city and are living together. Things are going really well and I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to live my life, hence these reflections. So, does it seem like I have an alcoholic personality? Did I dodge a bullet that might swerve back around if I give it the chance? Thanks for reading this, hope you’re having a great day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
You sound like me. I drank a lot in college, often alone, and couldn't stop when I started. I got sober real fast when I got in trouble with the law. But, not everyone does, and sh*t does t have to be hitting the fan in order to make h decision to stop drinking.
From this alcoholic's point of view I think you have a strong tendency to drink and I would watch out for that in life. If this means leaving alcohol alone altogether, so be it. Better to stop now instead of waiting until you lose something important, like your relationship.
From this alcoholic's point of view I think you have a strong tendency to drink and I would watch out for that in life. If this means leaving alcohol alone altogether, so be it. Better to stop now instead of waiting until you lose something important, like your relationship.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I don’t know if you are an alcoholic. Only you can decide that.
I would suggest you try to abstain for a month. 30 days will give you a good look at where you are at.
I know that I could never drink one, or two or three. The first one always got me drunk. Once I had one there was no shut off button or common sense that told me I had enough. All bets were off.
I don’t think Wisconsin born had anything to do with starting to drink as a teenager though…lol
I would suggest you try to abstain for a month. 30 days will give you a good look at where you are at.
I know that I could never drink one, or two or three. The first one always got me drunk. Once I had one there was no shut off button or common sense that told me I had enough. All bets were off.
I don’t think Wisconsin born had anything to do with starting to drink as a teenager though…lol
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello!!! If you are having questions about your relationship with alcohol that might mean that there is a problem. If it is making you feel uncomfortable then I think that is is something you need to evaluate. Even if you haven't been in trouble with the law or "hit rock bottom", you have to be honest with yourself. If I have learned something in this site is that you can never compare alcoholics or problem drinkers... Whatever you want to call it. People to this day tell me "you are not an alcoholic", but for me it seems that if alcohol is giving you some sort of problem or bad feeling then there is something there. I am really sad that I did not make this decision to quit earlier in my life. You sound like a young person. I also think it is cool not to drink. I read here someone posting that not drinking was nonconformist against the norm and I really liked that.
Another thing: why wonder what would have happened if you would've stayed there. You didn't and found a wonderful partner to be with
Another thing: why wonder what would have happened if you would've stayed there. You didn't and found a wonderful partner to be with
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 313
Welcome, DoubleFelix. 
I asked myself those same questions.... I thought for a while that drinking a lot was a reaction to a few tough circumstance that were going on my life.....but I've realised now that it's not the circumstances, it's me, and that I have to a) stop drinking, and b) fix myself from the inside, not rely on another person or relationship to do that for me - not that I'm saying that's what you're doing, but you know what I mean, I just picked up in your post about your relationship helping you straighten out.....just please be so careful in case that starts to not be the case and the drinking creeps up again. That happened to me and I may have lost my boyfriend over it (I may get another chance, we'll see).
It might be worth looking at this more, try like others have said to stop drinking for a while.....if you find that's a problem (as I did in the past) then please do something to get help (that's where I went wrong in the past, not getting help).
Just please don't make the same mistakes I did, I think is what I'm trying to say!
I asked myself those same questions.... I thought for a while that drinking a lot was a reaction to a few tough circumstance that were going on my life.....but I've realised now that it's not the circumstances, it's me, and that I have to a) stop drinking, and b) fix myself from the inside, not rely on another person or relationship to do that for me - not that I'm saying that's what you're doing, but you know what I mean, I just picked up in your post about your relationship helping you straighten out.....just please be so careful in case that starts to not be the case and the drinking creeps up again. That happened to me and I may have lost my boyfriend over it (I may get another chance, we'll see).
It might be worth looking at this more, try like others have said to stop drinking for a while.....if you find that's a problem (as I did in the past) then please do something to get help (that's where I went wrong in the past, not getting help).
Just please don't make the same mistakes I did, I think is what I'm trying to say!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: virgin islands
Posts: 145
"Once I start drinking I want more. I find myself a little anxious if I have just one beer."
In all you wrote I found that to be the telling phrase.
At one point in my life after a divorce and doing another 'geographic' I met someone great and cut back to being a 'social drinker'. It didn't last and eventually I was consuming too much, blaming it on stress etc. I had a good job, house, toys. Never drank in the morning etc. so surely I wasn't an alcoholic right? But yet I knew my drinking wasn't 'normal' and it was starting to affect my relationship with my wife. I made the decision to quit and attended my first AA meeting. I learned a lot about alcoholism and found support for a sober life.
Only you can decide if your drinking is a problem or not. Quit, with or without seeking support, and then see if your a better person without alcohol in your life or not. Don't cave to the 'beast' as some put it, but give it an honest go. Doing so now in your 20's may save you a ton of grief in your 30's and 40's.
Good luck.
In all you wrote I found that to be the telling phrase.
At one point in my life after a divorce and doing another 'geographic' I met someone great and cut back to being a 'social drinker'. It didn't last and eventually I was consuming too much, blaming it on stress etc. I had a good job, house, toys. Never drank in the morning etc. so surely I wasn't an alcoholic right? But yet I knew my drinking wasn't 'normal' and it was starting to affect my relationship with my wife. I made the decision to quit and attended my first AA meeting. I learned a lot about alcoholism and found support for a sober life.
Only you can decide if your drinking is a problem or not. Quit, with or without seeking support, and then see if your a better person without alcohol in your life or not. Don't cave to the 'beast' as some put it, but give it an honest go. Doing so now in your 20's may save you a ton of grief in your 30's and 40's.
Good luck.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
GracieLou hit it on the head - only you can determine if you're an alcoholic. As some others pointed out, I look at the words sometimes more than the statements. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and causes some of us real alcoholics to manipulate and lie - what a shock!!
Words such as Normal, got bad, toxic/unstable, COPE, drinking HABIT, circumstances and bad situation may be red flags.
With me there were always reasons - happy, sad, won, lost or how about hey its Tuesday!!!
If you rationalize that circumstances cause you to drink or if someone else helps you not drink you may want to do what another poster stated. Stop for a period of time and see.
Personally, I could do 30 days dry on my head just to prove I could! As long as I knew I could start again.
I now realize like many others I never could drink normally. True alcoholics are wired differently and usually are highly compulsive, controlling and self centered.
You are smart to ask yourself the question. Good luck in your quest, and peace~!~~
Words such as Normal, got bad, toxic/unstable, COPE, drinking HABIT, circumstances and bad situation may be red flags.
With me there were always reasons - happy, sad, won, lost or how about hey its Tuesday!!!
If you rationalize that circumstances cause you to drink or if someone else helps you not drink you may want to do what another poster stated. Stop for a period of time and see.
Personally, I could do 30 days dry on my head just to prove I could! As long as I knew I could start again.
I now realize like many others I never could drink normally. True alcoholics are wired differently and usually are highly compulsive, controlling and self centered.
You are smart to ask yourself the question. Good luck in your quest, and peace~!~~
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome! Try going completely sober for three months. No alcohol at all. See how you feel at the end of three months. If you can go without drinking and feel better, why not stop drinking altogether? It'll save you money and misery.
Try going completely sober for three months. No alcohol at all. See how you feel at the end of three months. If you can go without drinking and feel better, why not stop drinking altogether? It'll save you money and misery. Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
I have seen a number of people I used to hang with "grow out" of binge/problem drinking as they got into their mid to late 20s, and as they got married and had children. Their relationship with alcohol at this point at least to the outside world no longer seems problematic, and doesn't seem to cause them issues. Not everyone who has abused alcohol at some point in their life has it take over and become a major problem. Unfortunately, that's the way I went. If alcohol isn't causing problems in your life, I wouldn't obsess over it because of hearing/reading the stories of those who were consumed by it. If it is causing you some problems, maybe try not to drink for a while as some suggested and see how your life changes. Best of luck to you, sounds like you're in a good place with your relationship.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by GracieLou 
I don’t know if you are an alcoholic. Only you can decide that. I would suggest you try to abstain for a month. 30 days will give you a good look at where you are at. I know that I could never drink one, or two or three. The first one always got me drunk. Once I had one there was no shut off button or common sense that told me I had enough. All bets were off. I don’t think Wisconsin born had anything to do with starting to drink as a teenager though…lol
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Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi DoubleFelix
None of us can assess you as an alcoholic - you need to make that determination.
A lot of folks drink heavily, even abusively, in college and then revert to more 'normal' patterns later in life.
Some don't.
Only you can really decide which one you are.
Are there recent events that are causing you to worry about your drinking?
D
None of us can assess you as an alcoholic - you need to make that determination.
A lot of folks drink heavily, even abusively, in college and then revert to more 'normal' patterns later in life.
Some don't.
Only you can really decide which one you are.
Are there recent events that are causing you to worry about your drinking?
D
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
You mentioned that you used alcohol to cope with a difficult time in your life? I would encourage you to speak to a counsellor about developing safe coping strategies and your childhood experiences as the next time you experience a difficult time in your life you may go back to drinking heavily. I don't mean to sound negative my exAH used alcohol to cope with problems and difficult situations and over the years this escalated and yes he is an alcoholic.
Childhood trauma can have a negative impact on how an individual feels about themselves especially when they are feeling negative about themselves.
Please don't think if am being negative I certainly don't mean to and I am glad that you are going through a positive time but please think about seeking help.
Good luck
Childhood trauma can have a negative impact on how an individual feels about themselves especially when they are feeling negative about themselves.
Please don't think if am being negative I certainly don't mean to and I am glad that you are going through a positive time but please think about seeking help.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posts: 245
Thanks so much for all your replies, everyone. Based on your advice I'm going to give it 30 days starting today, and see how it goes.
To answer your question Dee47 - "Are there recent events that are causing you to worry about your drinking?"
I'm in the middle of looking for work and it's been very difficult. I haven't gotten any offers all of July, so I have a lot of free time and I'm feeling down. In the past I would fill this with drinking, cause it made me feel better, and oddly enough like I was doing something "productive". I've been facing this urge every day as I wait to hear back from jobs.
To answer your question Dee47 - "Are there recent events that are causing you to worry about your drinking?"
I'm in the middle of looking for work and it's been very difficult. I haven't gotten any offers all of July, so I have a lot of free time and I'm feeling down. In the past I would fill this with drinking, cause it made me feel better, and oddly enough like I was doing something "productive". I've been facing this urge every day as I wait to hear back from jobs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posts: 245
Originally Posted by Butterfly
You mentioned that you used alcohol to cope with a difficult time in your life? I would encourage you to speak to a counsellor about developing safe coping strategies and your childhood experiences as the next time you experience a difficult time in your life you may go back to drinking heavily. I don't mean to sound negative my exAH used alcohol to cope with problems and difficult situations and over the years this escalated and yes he is an alcoholic.
Childhood trauma can have a negative impact on how an individual feels about themselves especially when they are feeling negative about themselves.
Please don't think if am being negative I certainly don't mean to and I am glad that you are going through a positive time but please think about seeking help.
Good luck
Childhood trauma can have a negative impact on how an individual feels about themselves especially when they are feeling negative about themselves.
Please don't think if am being negative I certainly don't mean to and I am glad that you are going through a positive time but please think about seeking help.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by DoubleFelix
I'm in the middle of looking for work and it's been very difficult. I haven't gotten any offers all of July, so I have a lot of free time and I'm feeling down. In the past I would fill this with drinking, cause it made me feel better, and oddly enough like I was doing something "productive". I've been facing this urge every day as I wait to hear back from jobs.
I would get online for two to five hours filing out online applications. I would do a little housework and then make me a drink.
I sat back like I had worked hard all day and I deserved it.
I started drinking earlier and earlier. At six months unemployed I was drinking by 10am and filling out applications drunk and doing no housework. It still progressed and I was drinking at 6am. The only think that stopped the morning drunk was getting a job.
Instead of drinking in the morning on weekdays I drank at 6am on weekends and stayed drunk all weekend. The only time I did not drink was while I was at work or when I was sleeping/passed out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia, USA
Posts: 245
GracieLou, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take you to find work? I've been unemployed for quite some time and it seems endless.
Last summer I was (unsuccessfully) looking for work and fell right into what you described: "I would get online for two to five hours filing out online applications. I would do a little housework and then make me a drink."
In the beginning it was having a beer while sitting on my porch at night, but soon I was day drinking as well.
Last summer I was (unsuccessfully) looking for work and fell right into what you described: "I would get online for two to five hours filing out online applications. I would do a little housework and then make me a drink."
In the beginning it was having a beer while sitting on my porch at night, but soon I was day drinking as well.
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