It's about time--- but it doesn't make sense
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Irvine CA
Posts: 7
It's about time--- but it doesn't make sense
It doesn't really make sense that I'm here. A Mother of 2 beautiful little boys, married 12 years to wonderful Husband, and living the life that others only dreamed about. It doesn't really even make much sense. Coming from a rather normal family, growing up in a normal life--- in a text book, it would seem so silly that I would even need to drink or do drugs. I'm not hiding from anything that I know of.. It's just really fun to get drink and high on cocaine. I like to be the life of the party. I like to socialize. But, I'm tired--- I'm tired of the hangovers, I'm tired of being an impatient Mother to my 2 beautiful boys, and I'm tired of being a Bitch to my Husband when I have a headache in the morning. I'm tired of being the one that always has the coke or the joke of the room because I can drink 3 bottles of champagne in one night and still stand. I'm not sure what kind of help I need, but it's got to stop. One day I might wake up without a Husband or kids and I might lose everything that matters. It's about time
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
It makes sense if you are an alcoholic/addict. My situation is pretty comfortable. I had a very normal and loving upbringing. And from outside my four walls very few people would know that I have battled with alcoholism for years. But I'm an alcoholic and if I drink I am full of self hatred and remorse. Life is far simpler and I am much happier sober. That's my reality.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Hi and welcome CAFitGirl 
None of us set out to be alcoholics or addicts...but thats what we became nonetheless.
There is no logic or sense to it, we just liked the way it made us feel, or at least we did once.
We're not mad or bad - we're much more than out addictions
We're all normal everyday folks here - you'll find this a very welcoming understanding and non-judgemental place
D
None of us set out to be alcoholics or addicts...but thats what we became nonetheless.
There is no logic or sense to it, we just liked the way it made us feel, or at least we did once.
We're not mad or bad - we're much more than out addictions
We're all normal everyday folks here - you'll find this a very welcoming understanding and non-judgemental place
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Welcome to SR glad you found us. I always chased a buzz, no dark reason, I just love it. I found as I got older the fun wore off- having said that cleaning up took me a long time, however it was worthwhile. I wish I had do so sooner.
By the way life is still fun, but in a different way- my partying days are behind me, but I am Ok with that.
By the way life is still fun, but in a different way- my partying days are behind me, but I am Ok with that.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR. My alcoholism didn't make sense to me when I joined - hence my name. Learning more about my addiction gave me an understanding that helped me get better.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome to SR! I always thought I was having fun too and at times it was, but eventually the disease of addiction caught up to me and the walls came tumbling down. I, and most, have to hit bottom before we decide to get help. If you have the disease of addiction I hope it doesn't come to that for you.
Also, it's really easy to find out if you have this disease; just try to stop on your own and if you can't, well....welcome. There are lot's of recovery options out there. I use AA and to go to AA all that is required is a desire to stop drinking, sounds like you qualify.
Pulling for you!
Also, it's really easy to find out if you have this disease; just try to stop on your own and if you can't, well....welcome. There are lot's of recovery options out there. I use AA and to go to AA all that is required is a desire to stop drinking, sounds like you qualify.
Pulling for you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome CAFitGirl! Glad you found your way to SR.
I can relate to your story. I have two wonderful kids and a great wife. Good job, etc. I too loved to drink, loved to do coke in my early 30's. Not much that i wouldn't try but got addicted each time i tried something new.
Over time my love for drinking turned into not being able to live with out it. It defined me as a person from every aspect.
To the outside world i seemed normal but i was far from normal. Every waking moment was planed around drinking, always making sure i had enough to get me drunk, making sure family outings were fun but quick enough to get me back to the drink, etc.
As I got older and my drinking go worse, it was NOT fun any more, but i couldn't stop. I couldn't stop when i had the flu, at my grandmother's funeral, at my kids' birthday parties, at church functions, at school functions, during the good times and the bad i was always drunk.
I've wasted so much of my life to drinking that it had / has to stop. I was selfishly killing myself. My kids don't like "grumpy-daddy" as they call me when i am consumed with drinking. They like the fun, sober me; although they don't know what creates "grumpy daddy" or the fun dad. There is nothing more pure or innocent than a 6 year old calling her dad GRUMPY, chubby, asking why my face was always RED when others were a normal color, asking why i couldn't seem to sit still and watch a family movie because I was always going to my hiding places to get a drink...
Day 17 sober today. You can do this and have come to the right place for support.
Best of luck!
I can relate to your story. I have two wonderful kids and a great wife. Good job, etc. I too loved to drink, loved to do coke in my early 30's. Not much that i wouldn't try but got addicted each time i tried something new.
Over time my love for drinking turned into not being able to live with out it. It defined me as a person from every aspect.
To the outside world i seemed normal but i was far from normal. Every waking moment was planed around drinking, always making sure i had enough to get me drunk, making sure family outings were fun but quick enough to get me back to the drink, etc.
As I got older and my drinking go worse, it was NOT fun any more, but i couldn't stop. I couldn't stop when i had the flu, at my grandmother's funeral, at my kids' birthday parties, at church functions, at school functions, during the good times and the bad i was always drunk.
I've wasted so much of my life to drinking that it had / has to stop. I was selfishly killing myself. My kids don't like "grumpy-daddy" as they call me when i am consumed with drinking. They like the fun, sober me; although they don't know what creates "grumpy daddy" or the fun dad. There is nothing more pure or innocent than a 6 year old calling her dad GRUMPY, chubby, asking why my face was always RED when others were a normal color, asking why i couldn't seem to sit still and watch a family movie because I was always going to my hiding places to get a drink...
Day 17 sober today. You can do this and have come to the right place for support.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome! Yes, when you realize you could lose everything dear to you it does not become so fun anymore.
I am so glad you are here, you will receive wonderful support here at SR.
You can do this!
I am so glad you are here, you will receive wonderful support here at SR.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Hi CAFitGirl, I was always the one to bring an 8-ball to a party and encourage everyone else to join in. I was always the last one standing at 6am drinking beer while everyone else had gone to bed. I couldn't understand why people didn't want to keep the party going because I thought it so 'fun' .
Our brains are wired differently. I have an addictive personality that is constantly thrill seeking. Drugs and booze offered me instant gratification. It's no character defect on your part. Everyone is different and react differently to certain substances. My sister never has more than 1 glass of wine at a time. It makes hers sleepy and gives her headache. 1 glass of wine for me makes me wake up and crave the bottle.
Our brains are wired differently. I have an addictive personality that is constantly thrill seeking. Drugs and booze offered me instant gratification. It's no character defect on your part. Everyone is different and react differently to certain substances. My sister never has more than 1 glass of wine at a time. It makes hers sleepy and gives her headache. 1 glass of wine for me makes me wake up and crave the bottle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Irvine CA
Posts: 7
Thank you everyone for the support. I can't believe the number of messages I've received and the PMs as well. It's been so hard to take the 1st step. This is 1st time I've reached out to anyone.
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