Day zero, thinking about quitting...
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Day zero, thinking about quitting...
Hi, I am new to all of this and I am here because I have no one else that I can talk to about this. Sorry for the long read. I tend to be wordy sometimes, especially when I am confused about something and am looking for advice. I try to give as many details as possible...
I turn thirty next month and I have been drinking and smoking marijuana since I was thirteen years old. I was never a heavy drinker until maybe 4 years ago, when the marijuana quit having the same effect on me and started to make me have anxiety, instead of putting me in a better mood. I gradually started drinking more and I eventually wrecked my car(no DUI, got lucky)
I was upset with myself so I decided I needed to cut back on drinking. It lasted about a week or two and I was back in action.
About a year later, I totaled the same car. I decided I couldn't handle just cutting back and I needed to totally quit. My mood in general took a turn for the worse and I remember one weekend my girlfriend said "why can't you just have one or two to make you feel better"
So I drank two, then I said "well, what's another one or two going to hurt? It's no big deal"...within two weeks I was back to drinking just like I was before.
Within the following year, I bumped into a guard rail in my new car after leaving a bar. 2000 dollar repair bill. I told myself I could drink, just not when I'm out because it get's out of control. So I started drinking more and more at home, until that got out of control. I started spending time alone in a spare room. after about almost a year of that I began feeling lonely. I would just go to the room by myself as soon as I got home until midnight or so, when I would pass out. I started to externalize and blame my loneliness on my current girlfriend. As a result I started texting another woman I met. I would get drunk, lose all judgement and start texting her. One day after work some friends convinced me to go to a bar...to make a long story short I got out of control and got drunk. I ended up agreeing to meet with this other woman that I had never spent any time with other than texting. Nothing happened, I actually made the decision that I should quit talking to her and that it wasn't right that night.
I showed up at home after 10:00, drunk and guilty. I ended up telling her about the whole situation. She threw me out of the house and after about two weeks, I moved back in. I was supposed to quit drinking and see a therapist. I told her I would quit once I started therapy. That was three weeks ago.
The therapist told me I could either cut back or completely quit. Of course I took that as permission to try just cutting back.
To make a really long story short, things are just getting worse. This past Saturday was her birthday. She left me alone at the house for the first half of the day and I drank 12 beers by the time she got home and more at dinner wit her. When it was time to go out with just the two of us, I passed out.
Obviously she is at her breaking point with all of this and so am I. Something has to change.
I keep denying the fact that I have a problem, in spite of the fact that I have been drinking 6-20 beers a day and sometimes more on weekends. I start drinking within ten minutes of getting off work. I stop by the store and get two 24oz beers for the ride home, because I sit in traffic for over an hour each day. Once I get started drinking, I have a hard time stopping. I keep telling myself just one or two more is no big deal...until I am passed out.
Each morning I wake up and tell myself I am going to not get so drunk, but even now I am already thinking of getting my two beers once I get off. If I could just find a way to convince myself not to take the first drink, it seems everything else would be so easy.
I have also developed acid reflux and other digestive problems, in addition to fat deposits on my liver...although they never officially told me I had "fatty liver"
Again I seem to conveniently ignore the fact that drinking might be causing this. When my girlfriend confronts me about drinking I get irritated and angry...I'm not even sure why. I guess because I believe my own lies that I tell myself, but she doesn't and that upsets me because I have to face it...so I shut her out and try to ignore her, then when she persists, I get irritated.
I am not really sure what to do anymore. The therapist has mentioned AA, but added that he didn't think it would work for me. I am not religious at all and I don't believe in anything other than science.
I told the therapist that I drink because I am bored and I have no desire to do a lot of activities, because I don't feel happiness or satisfaction when doing them.
He said it sounds like I have a form of depression and he was supposed to refer me to a psychologist two weeks ago for medication, but it's like he forgot about it or something because he keeps scheduling appointments to see him, but says the other Dr. who can give me meds hasn't gotten back to him.
I also feel like by turning to psychotropic substances, I am just swapping one drug for another...but how else will I be able to enjoy life?
anyways I am just confused. I don't know what I should do with my life at this point. The therapist isn't helping at all. He hasn't even suggested ways I can cut back on drinking or quit. Some of my drinking buddies have actually suggested that I break up with my girlfriend, move out and just "cut back" and not drink so much at once.
I feel like if I try to quit drinking the boredom is going to be overwhelming and I will relapse. I will lie to myself again and tell myself I can just drink one or two, so I can relieve my boredom...then the cycle will start again.
Maybe someone else can relate.
I turn thirty next month and I have been drinking and smoking marijuana since I was thirteen years old. I was never a heavy drinker until maybe 4 years ago, when the marijuana quit having the same effect on me and started to make me have anxiety, instead of putting me in a better mood. I gradually started drinking more and I eventually wrecked my car(no DUI, got lucky)
I was upset with myself so I decided I needed to cut back on drinking. It lasted about a week or two and I was back in action.
About a year later, I totaled the same car. I decided I couldn't handle just cutting back and I needed to totally quit. My mood in general took a turn for the worse and I remember one weekend my girlfriend said "why can't you just have one or two to make you feel better"
So I drank two, then I said "well, what's another one or two going to hurt? It's no big deal"...within two weeks I was back to drinking just like I was before.
Within the following year, I bumped into a guard rail in my new car after leaving a bar. 2000 dollar repair bill. I told myself I could drink, just not when I'm out because it get's out of control. So I started drinking more and more at home, until that got out of control. I started spending time alone in a spare room. after about almost a year of that I began feeling lonely. I would just go to the room by myself as soon as I got home until midnight or so, when I would pass out. I started to externalize and blame my loneliness on my current girlfriend. As a result I started texting another woman I met. I would get drunk, lose all judgement and start texting her. One day after work some friends convinced me to go to a bar...to make a long story short I got out of control and got drunk. I ended up agreeing to meet with this other woman that I had never spent any time with other than texting. Nothing happened, I actually made the decision that I should quit talking to her and that it wasn't right that night.
I showed up at home after 10:00, drunk and guilty. I ended up telling her about the whole situation. She threw me out of the house and after about two weeks, I moved back in. I was supposed to quit drinking and see a therapist. I told her I would quit once I started therapy. That was three weeks ago.
The therapist told me I could either cut back or completely quit. Of course I took that as permission to try just cutting back.
To make a really long story short, things are just getting worse. This past Saturday was her birthday. She left me alone at the house for the first half of the day and I drank 12 beers by the time she got home and more at dinner wit her. When it was time to go out with just the two of us, I passed out.
Obviously she is at her breaking point with all of this and so am I. Something has to change.
I keep denying the fact that I have a problem, in spite of the fact that I have been drinking 6-20 beers a day and sometimes more on weekends. I start drinking within ten minutes of getting off work. I stop by the store and get two 24oz beers for the ride home, because I sit in traffic for over an hour each day. Once I get started drinking, I have a hard time stopping. I keep telling myself just one or two more is no big deal...until I am passed out.
Each morning I wake up and tell myself I am going to not get so drunk, but even now I am already thinking of getting my two beers once I get off. If I could just find a way to convince myself not to take the first drink, it seems everything else would be so easy.
I have also developed acid reflux and other digestive problems, in addition to fat deposits on my liver...although they never officially told me I had "fatty liver"
Again I seem to conveniently ignore the fact that drinking might be causing this. When my girlfriend confronts me about drinking I get irritated and angry...I'm not even sure why. I guess because I believe my own lies that I tell myself, but she doesn't and that upsets me because I have to face it...so I shut her out and try to ignore her, then when she persists, I get irritated.
I am not really sure what to do anymore. The therapist has mentioned AA, but added that he didn't think it would work for me. I am not religious at all and I don't believe in anything other than science.
I told the therapist that I drink because I am bored and I have no desire to do a lot of activities, because I don't feel happiness or satisfaction when doing them.
He said it sounds like I have a form of depression and he was supposed to refer me to a psychologist two weeks ago for medication, but it's like he forgot about it or something because he keeps scheduling appointments to see him, but says the other Dr. who can give me meds hasn't gotten back to him.
I also feel like by turning to psychotropic substances, I am just swapping one drug for another...but how else will I be able to enjoy life?
anyways I am just confused. I don't know what I should do with my life at this point. The therapist isn't helping at all. He hasn't even suggested ways I can cut back on drinking or quit. Some of my drinking buddies have actually suggested that I break up with my girlfriend, move out and just "cut back" and not drink so much at once.
I feel like if I try to quit drinking the boredom is going to be overwhelming and I will relapse. I will lie to myself again and tell myself I can just drink one or two, so I can relieve my boredom...then the cycle will start again.
Maybe someone else can relate.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 476
First things first......... see some1 (a doctor, rehab center, specialist, whatever) as soon as practically possible BEFORE you quit. This is not something to be messed around with, do NOT try this alone.
You say you are on day 0? What i would do in your situation is to simply continue drinking until i saw someone first, listen to your therapist on this. Your body is "used to" alcohol, so getting "off" of it without a plan of some kind is very dangerous.
Remember, a few more days of "business as usual" probably won't kill you........ but quitting cold-turkey with no supervision or medical intervention JUST might!
Be smart, be safe
You say you are on day 0? What i would do in your situation is to simply continue drinking until i saw someone first, listen to your therapist on this. Your body is "used to" alcohol, so getting "off" of it without a plan of some kind is very dangerous.
Remember, a few more days of "business as usual" probably won't kill you........ but quitting cold-turkey with no supervision or medical intervention JUST might!
Be smart, be safe
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum NightmaresOnWax!! 
For me the phrase "I wake up and tell myself I am going to not get so drunk" never worked, the issue for me was the 1st drink, I drank to get drunk and all the consequences of my drinking began to spiral, I could never limit myself no matter how many promises and good intentions I had.
My solution was total abstinence, that 1st drink was my problem, take that 1st drink out of my life and things have been looking up ever since.
You'll find loads of support here on SR to work out what is best for you!! It's great to have you here!!
For me the phrase "I wake up and tell myself I am going to not get so drunk" never worked, the issue for me was the 1st drink, I drank to get drunk and all the consequences of my drinking began to spiral, I could never limit myself no matter how many promises and good intentions I had.
My solution was total abstinence, that 1st drink was my problem, take that 1st drink out of my life and things have been looking up ever since.
You'll find loads of support here on SR to work out what is best for you!! It's great to have you here!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. I think a lot of us can relate to your distorted thinking process.
"He hasn't suggested ways I can cut back on drinking or quit."
1.) You've already done the "cutting back" experiment several times and it sounds like you should have the results to that.
2.) The way you quit drinking is to quit picking up the glass or bottle or can and stop pouring it in your mouth.
No one is tying you up and forcing you to drink. You are doing this. You are the only one who can stop it.
"He hasn't suggested ways I can cut back on drinking or quit."
1.) You've already done the "cutting back" experiment several times and it sounds like you should have the results to that.
2.) The way you quit drinking is to quit picking up the glass or bottle or can and stop pouring it in your mouth.
No one is tying you up and forcing you to drink. You are doing this. You are the only one who can stop it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HOUSTON
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by grubby 
but quitting cold-turkey with no supervision or medical intervention JUST might!
Be smart, be safe
Be smart, be safe
I agree with others the first drink is the problem. When I get off work today, I'm going to have to sit in traffic for 1-1.5 hours, passing by all kinds of stores where I can pick that first drink up...and that's where it all starts.
The sad part is that if I read what I just posted and pretend it's not me, that person seems like they have a serious problem and I might think like grubby and assume that person may need medical intervention.
but since it's me, it's "no big deal". I try to justify my behavior and pretend I don't have a serious problem.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Lots of great suggestions so far. Regarding your therapist - is he/she aware of the extent of your drinking? Or your concerns regarding your drinking? If that's the case I'd be looking for a different therapist quite honestly. Drinking is causing social, physical and mental problems for you based on your story, whether you realize it or not.
Having said that, we can all relate - because we've all been there. I drank beer pretty much from 5pm to pass out on weekdays and all day on weekends. It was also causing me problems with my relationship, family, work, health, you name it.
The key for me was acceptance - accepting that I cannot have that first beer. Because no matter how many times you try, you'll never be able to stop after a couple - it's just not an option. Once I accepted that I was able to move on to planning my life sober. There are a multitude of things you can do - AA/NA, self paced/secular methods, rehab, counseling, detox, or any combination of the above. But the the bottom line is none of them will work unless you want to quit, and are willing to put in the effort and time to do it.
Having said that, we can all relate - because we've all been there. I drank beer pretty much from 5pm to pass out on weekdays and all day on weekends. It was also causing me problems with my relationship, family, work, health, you name it.
The key for me was acceptance - accepting that I cannot have that first beer. Because no matter how many times you try, you'll never be able to stop after a couple - it's just not an option. Once I accepted that I was able to move on to planning my life sober. There are a multitude of things you can do - AA/NA, self paced/secular methods, rehab, counseling, detox, or any combination of the above. But the the bottom line is none of them will work unless you want to quit, and are willing to put in the effort and time to do it.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to SR nightmaresonwax. You will find great support and understanding here.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I however, spent 20+ years living the pattern you describe. I started with hard liquor for the first 13 years until diagnosed with fatty liver disease. That's when i cut down to just beer. LOL, cut down to just beer; what was i thinking??
Little did i know that my beer consumption would escalate to between 18 to 30 per day; 18 on the weekdays and 30 on weekends. I typically wouldn't start drinking until after work either.
During the last couple of years i began drinking earlier and earlier. I began drinking so much beer i switched to "box wine" to save money. Eventually i was drinking by 9:30 am on weekends.
Long story shot is that this addiction is progressive. It only gets better with abstinance. But, Trust Me, it does get better... MUCH better!
After 9 months sober last year, i started drinking again around the holidays. Now i'm back to day 15.
I have made the decision to never drink again, EVER.
Best of luck and you can do this once you make the decision to. It is one tough battle, but so worth the fight.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I however, spent 20+ years living the pattern you describe. I started with hard liquor for the first 13 years until diagnosed with fatty liver disease. That's when i cut down to just beer. LOL, cut down to just beer; what was i thinking??
Little did i know that my beer consumption would escalate to between 18 to 30 per day; 18 on the weekdays and 30 on weekends. I typically wouldn't start drinking until after work either.
During the last couple of years i began drinking earlier and earlier. I began drinking so much beer i switched to "box wine" to save money. Eventually i was drinking by 9:30 am on weekends.
Long story shot is that this addiction is progressive. It only gets better with abstinance. But, Trust Me, it does get better... MUCH better!
After 9 months sober last year, i started drinking again around the holidays. Now i'm back to day 15.
I have made the decision to never drink again, EVER.
Best of luck and you can do this once you make the decision to. It is one tough battle, but so worth the fight.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
I can so relate to all of your post - the way you're thinking - actions - all of it.
I was violently anti-religious and always was, still am, very science based. But AA has changed my entire life. Stay strong and find what works for you, but please on't let some therapist scare you off of the program which has helped millions and millions of people recover from this terrible disease
I was violently anti-religious and always was, still am, very science based. But AA has changed my entire life. Stay strong and find what works for you, but please on't let some therapist scare you off of the program which has helped millions and millions of people recover from this terrible disease
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Posts: 69
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Lots of great suggestions so far. Regarding your therapist - is he/she aware of the extent of your drinking? Or your concerns regarding your drinking? If that's the case I'd be looking for a different therapist quite honestly. Drinking is causing social, physical and mental problems for you based on your story, whether you realize it or not.
I guess maybe I left out some of my thought processes that I am having regarding my drinking.
I'm not sure if he is not worried about it, or if he is just holding out on trying to get me to take it more seriously until I get on some kind of anti-depressants, but I am starting to agree with you on either quitting therapy or finding another therapist. I do agree that it may be easier to quit if I get on these drugs, but in the mean time my life is falling apart while waiting on his colleague to "get back with him" and write me a prescription.
I don't want to live the rest of my life at the mercy of some doctors RX pad. There has to be a better way...
Originally Posted by ccam1973
After 9 months sober last year, i started drinking again around the holidays. Now i'm back to day 15.
I have made the decision to never drink again, EVER.
I have made the decision to never drink again, EVER.
It's great that you got back on track after your holiday slip up. I wish I could be on day 15! I'm so stupid, I had quit for about two weeks when I totaled my car and I was doing fine...until we went on our yearly vacation to the beach house and I totally fell off the wagon and was back at it worse than ever.
now guess what is coming up next weekend? the beach house where I started back up drinking. I thought about quitting this week but then I thought "well what about this weekend? I'm going to have to drink to enjoy myself, so I may as well drink the rest of the week"
Then another part of me say's " You're ruining your life and your relationship is about to end if you don't quit NOW. No more excuses... who knows what will happen once I'm single"
It's very confusing. I am starting to think I am making things too complicated. I particularly like this comment:
Originally Posted by biminiblue
2.) The way you quit drinking is to quit picking up the glass or bottle or can and stop pouring it in your mouth.
No one is tying you up and forcing you to drink. You are doing this. You are the only one who can stop it.
No one is tying you up and forcing you to drink. You are doing this. You are the only one who can stop it.
Seems simple enough, right? Maybe it is that easy. Maybe I should quit today and when I get off work in 2 hours, just pass up the store and go home. Maybe pick up a NA beer if I really need to drink something on the way home...If I slip up this weekend at the beach house then I slip up, but at least I went five days without it, right?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: virgin islands
Posts: 145
Don't let the fact that you are an atheist/agnostic keep you from trying AA. I don't believe in others definition of 'GOD' but have attended AA and it certainly helped me from taking that first drink. It's one more tool in the toolbox, and it's worked for me for over 2 years now.
Don't be afraid to give it a try. There is nothing better to help you take the first step on your path to sobriety than hanging out with a bunch of drunks. You won't find a more supportive, honest, and open fraternity than AA.
And if it turns out it's not for you then at least you tried. There are other support programs available too, but I'm only commenting on this one as it's what has helped me.
Good luck.
Don't be afraid to give it a try. There is nothing better to help you take the first step on your path to sobriety than hanging out with a bunch of drunks. You won't find a more supportive, honest, and open fraternity than AA.
And if it turns out it's not for you then at least you tried. There are other support programs available too, but I'm only commenting on this one as it's what has helped me.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you've been in a couple of drunken accidents and got lucky.
now you're driving and drinking a couple 24oz'ers on the ride home....
You're gonna kill someone. Or yourself. Or both.
Listen - you're not confused, you don't need any advice, you have it all right there laid out in your post.
Alcohol has control over you and your life is unmanageable. All you need to do is take the step of willingness to accept that and give in to it. Stop trying to 'figure it out'. It is what it is; you and alcohol are on a disastrous course and you have a fantastic opportunity to live a happier, richer, more full and free life if you so choose.
It's not going to be easy but it will be worth it.
Choose sobriety and start immediately getting all the support you can in that choice. Try out AA. Pick up a Big Book and read that thing cover to cover a few times. You don't have to 'buy into it' all right away or ever. You don't have to be "one of those people" - just learn all you can. Read those stories and that wisdom and see yourself reflected in those pages. Come on here and see your story in so many others'.
I was just like you. I got a couple DUIs after that and - fortunately - never killed anyone or hurt anyone. But it cost me tens of thousands of dollars. I'm sure alcohol played a role in my divorces. I'm sure that alcohol was a great big part of my despair over the years. I wasted tons of money, life and living on it. I'm 205 days sober at age 41 and it's finally feeling like this is it; I'm choosing sobriety and it's so much better!
Your health is starting to suffer. Your mind is suffering. You can ride this hellish elevator down some more if you want. From the stories I've heard and read and witnessed; it can keep on going wayyyyy deeper into blackness than you can even imagine.
Or, you can choose to embrace life and joy and living and love for yourself and the world around you and you can realize that this toxic path just ain't for you.
You don't have control over alcohol - you're powerless over it - and you never will. But you CAN take control of your choice not to let it beat you. The amazing thing about alcohol is this; as long as we don't drink it, it can never do that awful stuff to us again.
Welcome.
now you're driving and drinking a couple 24oz'ers on the ride home....
You're gonna kill someone. Or yourself. Or both.
Listen - you're not confused, you don't need any advice, you have it all right there laid out in your post.
Alcohol has control over you and your life is unmanageable. All you need to do is take the step of willingness to accept that and give in to it. Stop trying to 'figure it out'. It is what it is; you and alcohol are on a disastrous course and you have a fantastic opportunity to live a happier, richer, more full and free life if you so choose.
It's not going to be easy but it will be worth it.
Choose sobriety and start immediately getting all the support you can in that choice. Try out AA. Pick up a Big Book and read that thing cover to cover a few times. You don't have to 'buy into it' all right away or ever. You don't have to be "one of those people" - just learn all you can. Read those stories and that wisdom and see yourself reflected in those pages. Come on here and see your story in so many others'.
I was just like you. I got a couple DUIs after that and - fortunately - never killed anyone or hurt anyone. But it cost me tens of thousands of dollars. I'm sure alcohol played a role in my divorces. I'm sure that alcohol was a great big part of my despair over the years. I wasted tons of money, life and living on it. I'm 205 days sober at age 41 and it's finally feeling like this is it; I'm choosing sobriety and it's so much better!
Your health is starting to suffer. Your mind is suffering. You can ride this hellish elevator down some more if you want. From the stories I've heard and read and witnessed; it can keep on going wayyyyy deeper into blackness than you can even imagine.
Or, you can choose to embrace life and joy and living and love for yourself and the world around you and you can realize that this toxic path just ain't for you.
You don't have control over alcohol - you're powerless over it - and you never will. But you CAN take control of your choice not to let it beat you. The amazing thing about alcohol is this; as long as we don't drink it, it can never do that awful stuff to us again.
Welcome.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
For what it's worth, I realized after a few months of sobriety that I was bored BEFORE I got sober, and that now I am much less bored or boring. I'm not raging into the wee hours, but I'm much more interested in the world, in the people around me, and much more appreciative of the little things that I used to just overlook. Everything seems more meaningful now. I devour books and love to write and meditate and create music. When I was binge drinking regularly I was just trying to drown my anger and disappointment. I was a zombie at work and a zombie at the bars, and I didn't even have the balls to eat brains. With few windows into reality, I wasn't really alive anymore, and I wasn't taking anything in other than substances. Now, I'm on an adventure and I'm slaying dragons.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 468
Reading your posts, I wondered how you would keep making that long commute if you got your license suspended ...
It sounds like you have a serious problem, and as you seem to realize, you don't seem completely rational.
Some suggestions for after work:
If you have a cafeteria or even just vending machines at work, eat something at the end of the work day, even if it's peanuts or ice cream sandwiches, or pick up some drive-through food right after work.
Check the web for AA meetings that you could attend between work and home. Of course, call ahead to let your girlfriend know you'll be late getting home.
Plenty of other good suggestions above.
It sounds like you have a serious problem, and as you seem to realize, you don't seem completely rational.
Some suggestions for after work:
If you have a cafeteria or even just vending machines at work, eat something at the end of the work day, even if it's peanuts or ice cream sandwiches, or pick up some drive-through food right after work.
Check the web for AA meetings that you could attend between work and home. Of course, call ahead to let your girlfriend know you'll be late getting home.
Plenty of other good suggestions above.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 15
FreeOwl makes some great points here. The realisation that you are not the one in control where your relationship was alcohol is concerned, is a very real, very harsh realisation.
The way back is simple, yes, but not easy.
I've not tried AA or NA myself but after some thought, I think I probably should.
NightmaresOnWax - make it happen mate.
The way back is simple, yes, but not easy.
I've not tried AA or NA myself but after some thought, I think I probably should.
NightmaresOnWax - make it happen mate.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: HOUSTON
Posts: 69
You guys are right I am irrational because I am trying to pretend that the drinking isn't a problem so I can continue living my life in blissful denial. I say that, yet later on today I will believe the lies I tell myself when I am thinking about getting another drink.
That's why I'm saying it's confusing. I think it's really that I am driving myself crazy with all the lies I keep telling myself and I believe them everytime, because I want to.
I'm going to stop by the corner store after work, like usual, but I'm going to pick up some NA beer, just because for whatever reason I seem to be going crazy about whether or not I should stop and get my usual two 24oz's...I know NA beer still has alcohol, but at least if I get stopped it's legal here in Texas to drink them and drive. I need to make some kind of change NOW. I have been going crazy after totally screwing up my girlfriends birthday this weekend.
If I conned myself into becoming an alcoholic by just innocently taking "one harmless drink" at a time, I can con myself into getting sober by simply not drinking "one hour at a time" right?
That's why I'm saying it's confusing. I think it's really that I am driving myself crazy with all the lies I keep telling myself and I believe them everytime, because I want to.
I'm going to stop by the corner store after work, like usual, but I'm going to pick up some NA beer, just because for whatever reason I seem to be going crazy about whether or not I should stop and get my usual two 24oz's...I know NA beer still has alcohol, but at least if I get stopped it's legal here in Texas to drink them and drive. I need to make some kind of change NOW. I have been going crazy after totally screwing up my girlfriends birthday this weekend.
If I conned myself into becoming an alcoholic by just innocently taking "one harmless drink" at a time, I can con myself into getting sober by simply not drinking "one hour at a time" right?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
not drinking 'one hour at a time' is exactly right.
But I'd suggest you skip that NA beer and skip that store altogether.
We create habits in our blind obsession and - well leaving out the long explanation we actually train our reptilian brain in certain responses.
I can't tell you how many times my "rational" self said "I'm not gonna go to the liquor store, I'll take another way home...."
And then as I'm driving past it "I'm not gonna go TO the liquor store..." even as my hands are turning the wheel into the parking lot.
Change starts now. And even the "I'll go to the liquor store and get a couple NA beers" is just your alcoholic voice leading you down the path where it knows you'll find those triggers of habit that will simply bypass your rational mind and go back into the reptilian pattern.
Change it up. Take a totally different way home and don't stop at a liquor store.... stop at a gym and look into membership. Get a free trial membership. Or go straight home and put on some running clothes and go for a jog. Go to the library and check out a book on addiction. You gotta start fighting back, because Alcohol is a clever bastard and he's out in the parking lot doing pushups right now....
But I'd suggest you skip that NA beer and skip that store altogether.
We create habits in our blind obsession and - well leaving out the long explanation we actually train our reptilian brain in certain responses.
I can't tell you how many times my "rational" self said "I'm not gonna go to the liquor store, I'll take another way home...."
And then as I'm driving past it "I'm not gonna go TO the liquor store..." even as my hands are turning the wheel into the parking lot.
Change starts now. And even the "I'll go to the liquor store and get a couple NA beers" is just your alcoholic voice leading you down the path where it knows you'll find those triggers of habit that will simply bypass your rational mind and go back into the reptilian pattern.
Change it up. Take a totally different way home and don't stop at a liquor store.... stop at a gym and look into membership. Get a free trial membership. Or go straight home and put on some running clothes and go for a jog. Go to the library and check out a book on addiction. You gotta start fighting back, because Alcohol is a clever bastard and he's out in the parking lot doing pushups right now....
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