Daretodream

So, I caved in on Saturday and had cocktails. I was doing so well my resolve and am beyond disappointed in myself. I feel like a failure right now and even though I am all about not drinking, I guess it scared me that I did that.

For some reason Saturdays are the hardest for me. I am angry at myself because I have made it through four other Saturdays. Why couldn't I just get through this one like I did those?

When slip-ups/relapses happen, how do you let the guilt and disappointment in yourself go?

Raider

Just quit dwelling in it. Move on. Plan ahead for next Saturday. Plan something that doesn't involve drinking. Your can do this. You've done it before. Good luck.

ultradad

Sorry to hear about the relapse Dare! I used to relapse nearly every two-three weeks after swearing on everything holy I'd never drink again! The guilt and shame is horrible and to my family it was a joke when I made promises about quitting. There is hope though! It took me hitting my rock bottom before I humbled myself enough to ask for help. I realized that I simply couldn't stop on my own no matter how well intended I was! It was suggested I go to AA and I did! It has saved my life! They told me I never had to feel the way you're feeling right now again and they were right! Find a meeting and save yourself! You don't ever have to feel this way again!

ScottFromWI

Concentrate on moving forward. You can't change what you have done, only what you do today. It's also helpful to look back and see what exactly took place before you drank. Piece the events together that led up to it and see if you can reinforce your plan so that it doesn't happen again. Perhaps you went someplace you shouldn't? Just an example...but learn from your mistakes and move on.

HockeyGuy

I'm right there with ya, man. I slipped up on Saturday night and had some (many) beers.. I felt like a failure yesterday. I feel more positive today though.. I downloaded a "Sober Days" calculator for my phone.. right now it says 24 hours. I can't wait for that to get up to 30, 60, 120, 365 days, etc. It can be done.

FreeOwl

it might be helpful to turn the disappointment into motivation by working actively on what you'll do to make this time different.

List the ACTIONS you can take.

What can you really CHANGE to make progress?

What - apart from just 'not drinking' - are you doing to DO to support yourself in not drinking?

You can get started TODAY. What's ONE thing you'll change.... a small shift or a radical one... TODAY that will support not drinking? Maybe it's a run. Maybe it's Yoga. Maybe it's reading a book or going to a movie or signing up for a class or doing something that otherwise breaks your normal routine.

Maybe it's going to an AA meeting. Maybe reading the Big Book.

Start trying some DIFFERENT things. That's how we get different outcomes...

And it takes your mind off the slip up and turns your focus from negative to positive. We get more of what we focus on.

PurpleKnight

You can't change the past, only the future, go at it again, you'll get there!!

Jupiters

get up, brush yourself off and try again. and again. AND again.

ESD907

I've quit probably 100x over the course of 4 years. I knew I was the 'A' word. But I couldn't go more than 2 weeks. I figured, I could just drink on say Friday nights..but next thing, I'd awaken 4a.m., hungover, finished off that 1/2 bottle of wine, which then lead to be opening another, next thing it would be Tuesday and I don't know how I managed to cook, laundry, kids, etc. It scared me about the multi days long binges. finally 2 years ago, it just stuck...I literally made it thru one more day, one more hour, minute, second. I'd put off going to the store. I still have that last 3/4 bottle of wine (dropped old ciggie into it, just in case)) to remind me, I never want to go back.

Daretodream

Thanks so much guys. I appreciate you being totally honest and not sugar coating your responses. I have been feeling so guilty that I thought I should at least admit it on SR to hold myself accountable. If I'm going to brag about 35 days, I also have to be honest about having to start over at day one...now day two.

I have decided that I do need a better plan for Saturdays. I have been keeping busy with healthy things but need an even more structured schedule apparently.

Anyway, hope the week goes by quickly so that the onslaught of anxiety and the annoying AV brought on by my binge on Saturday can quiet down.

Waterfalls2014

Hi Dare, glad you're going at it again. Tonight I found a thread on here. A 24 hour commitment to not drink. I signed up for it and felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. The decision was made not to drink and set in stone. Maybe something like that would work for you.

ChefWolverine

There is only one thing you have to change, and that little one thing is everything. The path is hard and torturous, but the rewards are priceless.

SoberHoopsFan

Those 35 days still count, you did many things that worked during that time, just figure out what led to the slip and see what you can maybe do differently if presented with a similar situation/feelings. If you had told yourself 38 days ago that you would drink only once over the next 38 days and that you would immediately re-commit yourself to sobriety after drinking, you probably would have taken it. Don't let the guilt consume you, basically....

Ruby2

Make plans for the weekend and make backup plans for the plans. Just in case one thing doesn't work out you have a fall back. How were you feeling this weekend going in? Confident? That you could reward yourself for the prior successful Saturdays? Or did you get run down and stressed out during the week? For me I have trouble if I don't address what is bugging me during the week. If I don't, I leave myself vulnerable on the weekend. In the beginning I found it helpful not to get too low or too high. Just maintain an even keel which I could gradually expand the longer sober time and practice I had. With practice I can take more lows and more highs without thinking about drinking.

Hang in there. You can't change what happens but you can learn from it so don't beat yourself up. Use it as a tool to move forward.

Windancer

Excessive dwelling and guilt will only make recovery more difficult, in my experience. Learn from it (what can you do to prevent it, and how can you make Saturdays easier), forgive yourself, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and carry on A good quote is "The key to life is falling down 7 times, and getting up 8". For me, its been 100's lol. Hang in there

Dee74

Some great advice hear dare

My advice would be to look at what your support is like and whether you're using it well or not.

Also look at what you do with your weekends. Folks in early recovery have no business being around cocktails. Ask me how I know LOL.

No need to be a hermit, but a little thought about avoiding tough alcohol situations for a while can really give you a great recovery foundation

D

Nuudawn

Hey friend...I have one month today. I had to start over on June 21st after chalking up 3 weeks of sobriety. When we relapse, it is vitally important that we understand why. I know why I relapsed after 4 months of sobriety last year. I know why my ascent back into sobriety was so difficult. And on June 20th...I learned that I really, really WANTED sobriety more than anything. Relapses...like any other mistakes or failures on path... are to show us what went wrong, what was missing, what choice we shouldn't have made and what we can do in future to avoid the same misstep.

So glad you're still with us fighting the good fight.

afloatsober

DareTo
What helped me deal with the guilt and disappointment was knowing that my problem was/is medical and not a moral issue.
Therefore honesty about your drinking is essential in dealings with medical people who are trying to help.
Also, i had many relapses before i was able to stay stopped.
Stopping is relatively easy if the detox is medically supervised and this is by far the safest way to do it.
Staying stopped for a chronic alcoholic is the imperative.
To do this (for me) needs constant vigilance, a great deal of peer support, maintainence of a recovery plan daily and the implementation of changes and healthy options.
It sounds a tough call but really a walk in the park in comparison to the squalor and hopelessness of my 'end days' drinking.
You CAN do this but it requires resolve and commitment bar none.
I wish you well
G

Daretodream

I think what happened last Saturday was that I felt I couldn't truly enjoy myself or have fun without alcohol and it scared me if that makes any sense. This is where the hard work comes in.....learning to just be me and getting comfortable in my own skin.....all of the time.
Lots of food for thought and encouragement have made me feel strong again. I know this sounds corny, but I don't know what I would do without you.