Pilsburie

Hi everyone. I'm new to this site but thought that reaching out to other people that understand may help. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we live together. He's slowly been sinking into regular use and it's become very clear that he is an addict. He has no money and stops washing and generally isn't the person I fell in love with. He can also be very abusive and shouts and swears at me every time I try to speak to him. I've tried to leave a few times. The last time was when he lost his temper and really frightened me. I've always weakened and gone back though. Yesterday he was so out of control and it just suddenly clicked. He's never going to change. He doesn't love me and the longer I stay the more miserable I will become. I have told him that our relationship is over but he lost his temper. He didn't even try to keep me. I'm leaving in the morning- I just wanted to spend today feeling sorry for myself so that tomorrow I can start afresh and begin my new life. I have tried before and failed and hope that I'm strong enough this time

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Pilsburie!!

It can be difficult looking in on someone else's addiction, but the important thing is to look after YOU, people may change and that is great, but don't put YOUR life on hold waiting around for it to happen!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR, it's great to have you here!!

Dee74

Welcome pilburie
I'm very sorry for your situation but I'm glad you found us

I'm glad you've made a decision for yourself and I know you'll find support here.

D

Wastinglife

Hi Pilsburie, I can relate to your situation cuz that was me a few years ago. When my ex-gf and I met, I was in good shape, great job, money in the bank. That was a time when I was binging on occasion but not into alcoholic drinking yet.

The next year things went downhill fast. I got a DUI and lost my license for a year soon enough. Instead of slowing down, I drank more to deal with the shame. I started drinking everyday after work and became more miserable. I was hungover at work everyday and became depresed. Naturally, my job performance suffered.

I quit the job while I was drunk one day at 9am and was in no condition to work. Then I started drinking all day, everday. I gained 50 pounds. I ran up my credit cards.

My girlfriend put up with a lot. I also yelled and snapped at her while drunk. I am surprised she stuck around so long. When she wisely kicked me out eventually I was forced to get help. Went to rehab and have made lots of progress since. You should consider giving your boyfriedn an ultimatum.

Spinach

Have you got somewhere to go or is he going?
Good luck and ask for time without meeting and do something for yourself.
He might get the help he needs after this upheaval or he might not but that is his call.
Be strong or no one gets help.
John.

Pilsburie

Thanks for responding. It is really good to see that people care. I am going to stay with my sister for a while. I have packed enough for a week and will be going back on Sunday to get the rest of my things. He has already been contacting me begging me to come back. It's so hard. It's not like I don't care and I feel like I'm being really cruel. I have tried to give him an ultimatum in the past but he simply won't accept that he has a problem. I know that the person I love is in there somewhere but I can't think of any other way to make him see how bad things have become. I've asked him to not contact me now as I really think I need some space. I'm already feeling awful though and I've only been gone a few hours. It'll get easier right??

Spinach

Not sure it gets easier quickly but your life with him not addressing his problem you would be broke, unable to plan , friends would drift away ,family would become fraught and you might feel under constant threat, so think long term.
He is in there no doubt but addiction takes everything .
Have the best time you can with your sister.
John.