Blossom717

So I'm back "home" since Friday.

Friday evening was ok. Not great. He had begged and pleaded for me to come home and when I did he was distant. And then when I detached he got clingy immediately. Ironic....no.

We went out to run some errands, which is unusual for us to do together. On our way back home he told me that some people needed AA all their lives, he was not one of them. And that oh, he will go to the Monday meetings but he was good with just that (and I'm sure he will be too busy to even do that). He smokes pot, and since he has quit drinking a week ago, he has smoked almost constantly.

He also told me he would try going to church with me and when I asked him if he wanted to come today he said he had too much to do....he was napping when I got home.

So I don't see much of a change except he's not drunk. Still the same mind set and other habits. I don't see him working it like he was before I came back. Honestly I'm not too surprised.

I have a feeling his brother will instigate something when we go to the beach Tuesday. Either encourage him to drink (he's still on Antabuse tho) or want to tell me how to live my life again.

All in all though, I'm not going to let it bother me. I'm going to keep going with my first plan, focus on the house that's for sale that I want to buy. Get a better job....somehow. I'm not telling abf if what he is doing is right or wrong to me, I keep reminding myself that it's his life. I'm just going to grin and bear it until I get the details worked out. Leaving last Sunday wasn't the best plan. But I was at the end of my rope.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I started a daily gratitude list in my journal, it feels good to do that!

Combakkid

I am still in the beginning of my journey, but wanted to tell you to keep the faith and continue moving forward no matter how small the steps may seem.

HealingWillCome

Smoking pot constantly isn't sobriety. It's just a different form of escape. And quacking out excuses about not needing to work a program (the only-some-people-need-AA-for-a lifetime-thing) isn't sobriety either.

I'm sorry, Blossom. Stay tough with your plan. Your return "home" is just validating what you already know.

Blossom717

I know, smoking pot (and apparently hash as I just found out) isn't sobriety. I'm realizing that he has no idea what the word sobriety means, and it's not my job to teach him. But coming back did just confirm the need for me to keep taking steps.
He doesn't understand sobriety and I don't understand what recovery will mean for him, or us. I'm not sure it means anything for us. For me though, recovery means so much.

hopeful4

Blossom, your own recovery is in your heart. You want it, you are willing to make changes to get you where you need to be.

He quacked to get you back home, that's it. He is not working recovery at all. I hope you do keep your focus on the house you like and getting your life where it needs to be for you and your little girl! Take good care.

XXX