Dealing with a "chronic relapser"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1
Dealing with a "chronic relapser"
Hi,
I am new to this forum...I just stumbled upon it today. I am a recovering alcoholic and my fiance is a (recovering??) Heroin addict. I don't have a problem staying sober once I am sober, but my fiance cannot stop going out! He once had 1.5 years of sobriety (during which we started dating/got engaged). However, now he can't seem to string together more than 30-60 days without going back out. Last time he went out, he was deep into the step work and doing so well....I just don't get it! It is getting so exhausting at this point and I just feel so helpless....I know I cannot make him get sober. I just don't know what to do. Today I told him if he doesn't want to be sober then he has to leave until he is (we have a child together, and I don't want him around her if he is not sober), so he left. Last time I kicked him out, he came home (high) and broke the door down, so I am not sure what to expect tonight.
Does anyone have any advice on what is best for me to do in this situation? Does anyone else have a SO who is a chronic relapser?
I am new to this forum...I just stumbled upon it today. I am a recovering alcoholic and my fiance is a (recovering??) Heroin addict. I don't have a problem staying sober once I am sober, but my fiance cannot stop going out! He once had 1.5 years of sobriety (during which we started dating/got engaged). However, now he can't seem to string together more than 30-60 days without going back out. Last time he went out, he was deep into the step work and doing so well....I just don't get it! It is getting so exhausting at this point and I just feel so helpless....I know I cannot make him get sober. I just don't know what to do. Today I told him if he doesn't want to be sober then he has to leave until he is (we have a child together, and I don't want him around her if he is not sober), so he left. Last time I kicked him out, he came home (high) and broke the door down, so I am not sure what to expect tonight.
Does anyone have any advice on what is best for me to do in this situation? Does anyone else have a SO who is a chronic relapser?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Khr,
thats a tough one. I wanted to welcome you here and say that there will be others with more experience in this area, than myself.
have you been in a program of recovery? AA? if so , then you must know what you can and cannot do to change things . I hope you will protect yourself, though. Have the domestic abuse hotline handy, in case. your child should not have to be in danger, nor you either, but especially the children.
hope you find happiness. life is so short.
thats a tough one. I wanted to welcome you here and say that there will be others with more experience in this area, than myself.
have you been in a program of recovery? AA? if so , then you must know what you can and cannot do to change things . I hope you will protect yourself, though. Have the domestic abuse hotline handy, in case. your child should not have to be in danger, nor you either, but especially the children.
hope you find happiness. life is so short.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
"broke the door down" sounds violent.
This is not something that you have to accept,
and not something to teach your daughter to accept.
Read the sticky notes (above). They are full of wisdom.
We at SR understand....and always will.
This is not something that you have to accept,
and not something to teach your daughter to accept.
Read the sticky notes (above). They are full of wisdom.
We at SR understand....and always will.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with what Vale says, if he appears and becomes violent in any way call the police and keep yourself and your child safe. A person who knocks down a door is dangerous and out of control.
My son is a chronic relapser, about 20 years now in and out of recovery (missing for the past 10 years). He once had 3 years clean, and almost 2 years another time, but he never could hang on to sobriety. He relapsed when his life was very good and he had a good job, a relationship with a clean and nice person, and meetings and recovery in place. He relapsed when things were not good, blaming whatever was wrong for the relapse when, in fact, he had good tools to work through it. He relapsed and it didn't matter what the reason.
My point is that this is no life for a child to grow up in, this is no life for someone who is a recovering alcoholic themselves (congratulations on that) and no life for anyone who wants any kind of responsible family life and happiness.
I hope you and your child find happiness and peace.
Hugs
My son is a chronic relapser, about 20 years now in and out of recovery (missing for the past 10 years). He once had 3 years clean, and almost 2 years another time, but he never could hang on to sobriety. He relapsed when his life was very good and he had a good job, a relationship with a clean and nice person, and meetings and recovery in place. He relapsed when things were not good, blaming whatever was wrong for the relapse when, in fact, he had good tools to work through it. He relapsed and it didn't matter what the reason.
My point is that this is no life for a child to grow up in, this is no life for someone who is a recovering alcoholic themselves (congratulations on that) and no life for anyone who wants any kind of responsible family life and happiness.
I hope you and your child find happiness and peace.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Exton pa
Posts: 153
Agree with Vale and Ann wholeheartedly.......chronic users are unable to respect the choice they made to get clean by staying clean which is a day to day choice requiring a lot of commitment. It's difficult but it is in the long run a choice. Prayers are with you - stay your course - after all that's all any of us can do is make our own choices for ourselves
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