Combakkid

In reading more and more posts, I know there is a good chance I will have to leave my AH as his drinking is starting to escalate from only after work, to one a few hours before and it is only a matter of time until it goes downhill. So I want to make a plan to make sure my kids and I are protected. My question is for those that have done this before, if you could look back and start to plan what would you include on your list? I am already in process of getting my own separate account, but that's as far as I have gotten so far. One day at a time.

jarp

Good luck.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...goiong-do.html is a thread I started to keep myself accountable for my plan. There is a list in there of things that I had to do. Some of it is particular to me but it MIT trigger some ideas for you?

Combakkid

Thank you for the link. It really gave me a jumping off point. I am hoping I will never have to act of leaving, but I want a plan in place for myself and my kids as I now know things will not stay the same.

DesertEyes

In addition to the above posts I suggest you make an appointment with the experts at helping people leave, your local Domestic Violence shelter. I am not suggesting that you plan on staying there. The counselors are very experienced in this matter and will have local resources that are specific to your area.

For example; in some states it is illegal for one parent to take the kids and _not_ notify the other parent where the kids are. The length of time varies, some states allow 24 hours before it is considered a kidnapping, some allow several days. The counselors at the shelter can inform you on these sorts of "land mines" as well as direct you to experienced lawyers that can help you _avoid_ these kinds of problems.

Mike
Moderator, SR

dandylion

conbakkid....I'v got a good feeling about you. You are thinking about how to implement action. That brings it very much into the arena of reality....from the arena of just purely fantasy wishes. That is a big jump...from "I need to leave him" to "HOW can I leave him".

I think you will find that as soon as you make the first couple of concrete baby steps, you will pick up a momentum of your own.

That is the way it so often happens!!

dandylion

Bullfrog

Go have a talk with the local women's shelter first.

If you have special items, move them into a private storage unit or a friends house. Get your resume up to date/get a job now. Open your own secret banking account. Start putting money on some shopping cards/gas cards/debit cards. Know where all your important documents are. Have them with you at all times or in your trunk if things are starting to get scary. Make a list of contacts: a lawyer, DHS to apply for assistance if needed, the shelter, applications for preferred places to live.

Go to Al Anon. Pray.

Honestly, you can't control the situation. Put it in your HP's hands.

Combakkid

Thank you all! Dandylion I appreciate what you wrote. I was talking to my husband's aunt today and was telling her having your eyes wide open is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing in the sense that I come to realize what has been going on for so long is not my fault, nor am I crazy. The curse part comes in the responsibility of having your eyes opened means action is no longer just a thought, but now a requirement of myself. I am still looking for an Al anon meeting to attend, am looking at going back to school in the spring for nursing to ensure I can take care of myself and my 4 kids completely on my own if necessary. I am also not going to make any major decisions for about 6 months to ensure that I am making sound decisions from a clear head. Of course I will have an emergency plan in place, just in case things go down quickly. I am so grateful to have found this place and finally figure out I am not crazy and a horrible wife. It is such a weight lifted off me!