Serenidad

Help. I just can't seem to go more than a few days without drinking and I don't know what to do!

I'm lying, sneaking around, miserable, exhausted, hate myself and lonely. I have turned away from my friends and family and it seems the only thing that is important to me is alcohol. This is hell!

I want out! I know I was saying some pretty negative things about AA the other day but maybe I need to go back???

I was court ordered to go to AA in 2008 after a DUI and stayed sober for 6 years. I only went to meetings for "about" 2 years and then stayed "dry" for 4 more.

I relapsed last fall and just can't stop the cycle! Day 1: binge at a bar and swear "this is the last time"! Day 2: hungover and tired...no cravings. Day 3: feeling better Day 4: CRAVING and go out and drink again. And the cycle repeats and repeats! I want this to stop! I hate my life right now! Why can't I stop?!?

I am so lonely! I overheard someone say they were going to a grief support group after losing a loved one and they got so much more out of it than counseling because they were with other people who "understood".

I'm thinking I should give AA another try so I can be around other people who are or who have suffered my pain.

I really love SR but it's not enough. I read and read and log on regularly but I need human contact. I need to see faces. I'm scared to go back to AA for fear that they will say "we told you so!" "We told you that you would relapse after not going to meetings for the last 4 years of your sobriety!"

I probably sound like a very confused broken record. Sorry. This addiction is truly controlling me! I was driving home today and said to myself, "Sereinidad...you are very sick and you need help or you will die!" :-(

Help please! Thx in advance!

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Serenidad

P.S. I have started to realize that drinking (for me) is a slow suicide. :-(

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PurpleKnight

Hey Serenidad,

I went round and round in that same circle for a long time, but it is possible to break the routine, the thoughts though on the good days when you feel like drinking again are only thoughts, we need to put something in the way of actually acting on them and going to that bar or the liquor store.

More support may be a good idea, nothing changes if nothing changes, the plan needs to be changed up if it's not working, new ideas, something new to try and produce different results.

I needed to really accept though that alcohol was doing me no good, after a few days of everything going well realising that going out drinking again wasn't going to achieve anything, I'd simply end up back at the start again, the cycle needed to broken with a new lifestyle, sitting in simply thinking lead to thoughts about alcohol, I needed new activities to get involved in, what were the reasons why I was getting Sober? what do I now want to live for? and have my life filled with?

You can do this!! If I can, anyone can!!

LBrain

Sorry to hear of your struggle serenidad,

Find a local meeting. Call the AA hotline. Just go and listen and try not to be judgmental.
Something may click.

desypete

you will get a heartfelt welcome back in aa and not a we told you so thing
i hope you do come back to aa as for me its the only thing that works i am sober now 9 years i was like you in that hell hole and mess, i am not like that today and reading your post proves to me even more that i am making the right choice for me

so hurry up back and welcome back there will be a nice cup of tea or coffee waiting for you with people who are just like you. dont ever think they would point the finger or say we told you so as they wouldnt they will just be happy to see you there

good luck to you

biminiblue

AA will be glad you are there. Anyone says differently - well - you'll know who to avoid in the next meeting.

Go. It helped. I hope it helps again. You said you needed it, so go. That's why it is there!

Anna

You should do whatever you have to do to get sober and recover.

We're always here for you, too.

Mags1

Hi Sereinidad, you stayed sober for 6 years, that is brilliant, in itself. You got through any cravings in those 6 years, 4 without help.

I found the cravings do go but at first I was consumed with alcohol all around me, on tv in the shops, it wasn't fair. But now, the cravings are gone, for now, I realise the crafty av can rear it's ugly head anytime.

Have a plan to deal with the cravings, come here and vent, it's a great help and there is always someone about who will listen, also it sounds like aa was good for you, like the guys said, you will get a warm welcome and a cuppa.

CAPTAINZING2000

Go with an open mind back to a meeting.
I didn't have any other resources except aa.

No matter what you try in recovery, you will have emotional, physical and spiritual pain.
You're not alone in that respect. I played the only string I had and that was hope.

trachemys

Serenidad, go see your doctor. They can give you meds to help with the cravings. I'm on them. I'm approaching my usual time to really get nucking futs in abstinence and haven't had the first craving.

Dee74

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around Serenidad - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

There is no doubt AA is the most accessible though.
If you feel you need more, I'd agree with you...find something 'more' and give it a go

D

Serenidad

Thank you friends! :-)

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Eddiebuckle

Why? Because you are an alcoholic, and by definition an alcoholic cannot just decide to stop and magically be cured.

AA worked for me, but I have to go regularly and work my program on a daily basis. It doesn't require much of me, sometimes I only read a sentence relating to recovery or sobriety in a day, but I do it every single day. I have to do this because I am an alcoholic, every single day.

Your observation about needing face to face contact is how it is for me as well. I cannot read my way to sobriety - I need to act on it, and surround myself with people who are on the same journey. AA has helped me do what I could not do alone... live happily sober.

least

Go back to the meeting. Get back into the program. Do it to save your life.

aborkie

I was in that cycle before I quit. It's tough to break out of. Remember, you have a choice. The longer I am sober the more I believe that alcoholism may be more of a choice than an addiction, at least in my case. We are capable of great things if we want it. Keep trying.

MIRecovery

AA doesn't shoot their wounded. They were right and you were wrong. So what? I don't think I've ever met any one in AA who hasn't had some colossal blunders on the path to sobriety.

I personally announced to my IOP group that AA didn't work and i could not see the benefit in going. Oops, guess I was about 200% wrong

Carlotta

This is what you are telling yourself, the same way I was the only one telling myself that I was a loser who relapsed after 5 years every time I was announcing my day count at an AA meeting after coming back.
When people come back, I never think that about them, let alone talk to them that way: I am just so happy they are getting out of alcohohell.
Sometimes we are our harshest critics.
Just wanted to share with you on this thread the quote of the day that I posted on the Recovery Connections: it is good food for thoughts.

jdooner

AA worked well for me after I had exhausted the other approaches including my own concoction. When I started accepting my situation vs fighting it I was able to make some real progress. Sounds like you coming round too.

Give it a second or hundredth shot - nobody will bite.

Youngaddictionwarrior

My psychiatrist put me on antabuse (disulfuram) it makes you go really really red after 1 drink & feel really ill. Knowing there in my system when I wanna pick up a drink I know that someone will know cause of the redness. X

1newcreation

I would just humble myself & crawl back(if have to) nearest mtg & start afresh. I asked my sponsor couple mths ago why folks go back out &/or struggle staying sober. He said coz they don't have God in their lives ie haven't surrendered & said Lord, help me. This is regardless of one's faith. After bein in the program that long I'm sure ure familiar w/ what I'm sayin. Give it up coz it sucks