Not sure where to start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dayton, Oh
Posts: 124
Not sure where to start
I have survived the past 4 nights without a drop of alcohol. Honestly, the first few days weren't so bad. Last night was a challenge. Maybe it was because it was a Friday night. As long as I am out of my normal routine I can keep my mind off things. Last night was a slow evening at home watching TV. An activity I just associate with drinking and chilling. Instead I was fidgety and anxious. I couldn't wait for the movie my family was watching to be over. At points I felt a little claustrophobic and panicky.
I'm still not 100% sure I'm ready to say that I'm completely abstinent. So many of my hobbies involve drinking with my friends. Can I really keep bowling with the same guys and not drink? We typically all drink very heavily while bowling then retreat to the bar afterwards for additional drinks and games. Additionally, I have a regular bar time on Sundays with some guys to drink and play Golden Tee. Can I possibly show up and not drink? I don't really want to stop playing Golden Tee, but it may have to be sacrificed.
Anyway, just wanted to drop a little about my situation. This is a learn as I go process. I can't bring myself to join something like AA. Frankly, I haven't even told anyone that I'm trying to quit (including my wife). I guess I am afraid of the stigma that comes with admitting you have a problem. If I decide to have a beer at a social function I don't want everyone looking at me, judging me, thinking I have failed and am some hopeless drunk. It sort of feels like if I don't admit it then people won't see me as some special needs case that is dangerous to invite out because they are trying to "support" me. The last thing I want is for people to feel too guilty to drink around me and eventually cut me out to avoid that situation.
Well, we will see what comes next. For now I just wanted to reach out and possibly connect with people that aren't in my life as a way of sharing my story/adventure without it coming back on my real life (for now).
I'm still not 100% sure I'm ready to say that I'm completely abstinent. So many of my hobbies involve drinking with my friends. Can I really keep bowling with the same guys and not drink? We typically all drink very heavily while bowling then retreat to the bar afterwards for additional drinks and games. Additionally, I have a regular bar time on Sundays with some guys to drink and play Golden Tee. Can I possibly show up and not drink? I don't really want to stop playing Golden Tee, but it may have to be sacrificed.
Anyway, just wanted to drop a little about my situation. This is a learn as I go process. I can't bring myself to join something like AA. Frankly, I haven't even told anyone that I'm trying to quit (including my wife). I guess I am afraid of the stigma that comes with admitting you have a problem. If I decide to have a beer at a social function I don't want everyone looking at me, judging me, thinking I have failed and am some hopeless drunk. It sort of feels like if I don't admit it then people won't see me as some special needs case that is dangerous to invite out because they are trying to "support" me. The last thing I want is for people to feel too guilty to drink around me and eventually cut me out to avoid that situation.
Well, we will see what comes next. For now I just wanted to reach out and possibly connect with people that aren't in my life as a way of sharing my story/adventure without it coming back on my real life (for now).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by SoberDave999 
I'm still not 100% sure I'm ready to say that I'm completely abstinent. So many of my hobbies involve drinking with my friends. I can't bring myself to join something like AA. Frankly, I haven't even told anyone that I'm trying to quit (including my wife). I guess I am afraid of the stigma that comes with admitting you have a problem.
Hi and welcome. Sobriety is not likely for those with doubt they want that route. It’s good your looking at what’s happening and seem honest about your priorities.
Frankly I’d rather have a common stigma than be incarcerated, in a mental hospital or dead. Yes it is a very possible outcome because if an alcoholic type person continues things WILL get worse, just read these posts.
I hope you find the path leading to a healthy life because your worth it.
BE WELL
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
SD999, you haven't really told us anything other than you aren't sure if you want to quit. How about: "Why are you trying to be abstinent?" Alcohol causing problems in your life? Just think you're consuming too much? Health problems?
Have you asked and answered these questions of and for yourself?
Have you asked and answered these questions of and for yourself?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Coming here is a good place to start. Welcome to SR. Four days is great.
All the things you mention feeling are things I've felt at one point. The feelings of claustrophobia and anxiety watching the movie. I planned or did a lot of active things to keep moving. Walking, doing laundry, pulling weeds, anything that would keep me from being twitchy. It was very hard to sit still. Do you have house projects that need doing? Now might be a good time to tackle them.
As for playing golden tee with a bunch of friends at a bar on Sunday. If it were me and I knew that alcohol is causing a problem in my life, I wouldn't go. Too much temptation to join in.
As for being on the fence about whether you want to fully quit or not, only you can make that decision. I didn't tell people either because I wanted that freedom to have one if I wanted to and not be judged. But then it became obvious that one was too many. It has been difficult to let go and to say goodbye to something that was a huge part of my life but it had to be stopped. I was tired of being hung over in the morning, every morning. I wasn't very present in my kid's lives because I was drunk or wanting to get drunk. My work performance got sloppy. I do go to AA because I like the in person support. It also reinforces the idea that people who choose not to drink can still have fun and aren't boring.
Not everything is perfect now but I don't have to worry about getting drunk or drinking. Think about what brought you to quit. And again, welcome.
All the things you mention feeling are things I've felt at one point. The feelings of claustrophobia and anxiety watching the movie. I planned or did a lot of active things to keep moving. Walking, doing laundry, pulling weeds, anything that would keep me from being twitchy. It was very hard to sit still. Do you have house projects that need doing? Now might be a good time to tackle them.
As for playing golden tee with a bunch of friends at a bar on Sunday. If it were me and I knew that alcohol is causing a problem in my life, I wouldn't go. Too much temptation to join in.
As for being on the fence about whether you want to fully quit or not, only you can make that decision. I didn't tell people either because I wanted that freedom to have one if I wanted to and not be judged. But then it became obvious that one was too many. It has been difficult to let go and to say goodbye to something that was a huge part of my life but it had to be stopped. I was tired of being hung over in the morning, every morning. I wasn't very present in my kid's lives because I was drunk or wanting to get drunk. My work performance got sloppy. I do go to AA because I like the in person support. It also reinforces the idea that people who choose not to drink can still have fun and aren't boring.
Not everything is perfect now but I don't have to worry about getting drunk or drinking. Think about what brought you to quit. And again, welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dayton, Oh
Posts: 124
I guess the bottom line is a yearning to improve my life. I look at everything about myself and my life and it's pretty clear that most of it can get better if I stop drinking. My weight, my looks, my energy level, my attitude, my brain function, my awareness, my relationships, my health, my finances, etc. Been walking through life in a haze for as long as I can remember. Hungover and half asleep every day at work. Sleeping in until noon on weekends and then mostly having a hard time getting off the coach.
I realize this information should make the decision easy but obviously, since we are here, we all know it's not. My wife and I have a weekend getaway in two weeks with friends that is going to bring a tremendous amount of pressure. Ideally, I would be restrained enough to enjoy events like this with a moderate consumption of alcohol and then strong enough to limit it to just these special occasions.
I guess I'm still at that point where I am trying to figure out if I can cut back and be the kind of person that can only drink at appropriate times, or if I just have to cut it out completely. I'm sure many others have had the same thoughts, and I'm sure many have figured out that they can't handle being a part time drinker. One day I may look back at myself and think, I can't understand why I even considered that a possibility. However, right now it just seems overwhelming to make the decision to never EVER drink again. It just feels so daunting, like a life sentence. That's why I'm taking it one day at a time for now.
I realize this information should make the decision easy but obviously, since we are here, we all know it's not. My wife and I have a weekend getaway in two weeks with friends that is going to bring a tremendous amount of pressure. Ideally, I would be restrained enough to enjoy events like this with a moderate consumption of alcohol and then strong enough to limit it to just these special occasions.
I guess I'm still at that point where I am trying to figure out if I can cut back and be the kind of person that can only drink at appropriate times, or if I just have to cut it out completely. I'm sure many others have had the same thoughts, and I'm sure many have figured out that they can't handle being a part time drinker. One day I may look back at myself and think, I can't understand why I even considered that a possibility. However, right now it just seems overwhelming to make the decision to never EVER drink again. It just feels so daunting, like a life sentence. That's why I'm taking it one day at a time for now.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
There's a technique called Moderation Management you may want to google and explore. It's for people that aren't addicted and can successfully take and maintain control over their alcohol intake.
Keep reading and posting here. Almost every method and technique for achieving sobriety is here as well as 100% support 24/7/365.
Keep reading and posting here. Almost every method and technique for achieving sobriety is here as well as 100% support 24/7/365.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Sd999
Welcome to SR, lots of people here who know what it's like to be where you are, with lots of great advice/ideas on what to do if you decide to change your situation.
A lot of what you have said are things I experienced and had similar thoughts about.
Some concepts and ideas that helped me make decisions came from reading through SR.
Things like RR , AVRT, addiction ambivalence, kindling effect, alcohol withdrawal associated anxiety. If you not familiar with some of these ,I would suggest googling and gathering some information. I found a better understanding of those things helped me to make the decision to be a non drinker .
Wish you well
Welcome to SR, lots of people here who know what it's like to be where you are, with lots of great advice/ideas on what to do if you decide to change your situation.
A lot of what you have said are things I experienced and had similar thoughts about.
Some concepts and ideas that helped me make decisions came from reading through SR.
Things like RR , AVRT, addiction ambivalence, kindling effect, alcohol withdrawal associated anxiety. If you not familiar with some of these ,I would suggest googling and gathering some information. I found a better understanding of those things helped me to make the decision to be a non drinker .
Wish you well
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Dave!! 
For me I needed to make big decisions on the people I hung out with and the activities I continued, to give you some hope I was a huge ice hockey fan and drinking was ingrained in going to watch games, drinking before, drinking during, drinking after.
I still go to games, just cut out the pre and post game beers, and during games I now have soda or coffee, like all the other families with kids, that's something I realised too, not everyone is drinking, it can be done if you really want to because sport is the primary activity, and drinking only is the secondary activity that we did alongside it!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR!!
For me I needed to make big decisions on the people I hung out with and the activities I continued, to give you some hope I was a huge ice hockey fan and drinking was ingrained in going to watch games, drinking before, drinking during, drinking after.
I still go to games, just cut out the pre and post game beers, and during games I now have soda or coffee, like all the other families with kids, that's something I realised too, not everyone is drinking, it can be done if you really want to because sport is the primary activity, and drinking only is the secondary activity that we did alongside it!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dayton, Oh
Posts: 124
This is surreal. I just found some posts I made when I first joined some 18 months ago. Not only had I forgotten that I had joined, I completely forgot I had even made it 4 days that time. Tonight is my night 4 this time around. I wish I could make this post and have old me see it back then.
Why waste 18 months in between efforts to quit? What could we have accomplished in that time? I could have a degree in something and better job prospects. I could have saved all the money we spent on booze over that time. Who knows how many thousands. Maybe even be out of credit card debit.
But don't be too hard on yourself, old me. I guess we needed that time to learn and grow as a person. This time we know. There are no more questions about whether to learn to moderate or give it up completely. We quit you alcohol, and me and old Dave aren't coming back. Let's go Dave. The future awaits our potential!
Why waste 18 months in between efforts to quit? What could we have accomplished in that time? I could have a degree in something and better job prospects. I could have saved all the money we spent on booze over that time. Who knows how many thousands. Maybe even be out of credit card debit.
But don't be too hard on yourself, old me. I guess we needed that time to learn and grow as a person. This time we know. There are no more questions about whether to learn to moderate or give it up completely. We quit you alcohol, and me and old Dave aren't coming back. Let's go Dave. The future awaits our potential!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
I have only been on SR for a couple months, but reading my previous posts is a huge reality check. Like you, many of my activities and friends revolve around alcohol and I am often in denial about just how bad things are/the fact that I have no other choice but abstinence. At this point, the sleeping until noon on weekends and being on the couch all afternoon is bad enough - I don't need a lower rock bottom than that anymore. When "a couple drinks" on Friday turns into dry heaving until 6 p.m. on Saturday because you are so hungover...something has gone horribly wrong
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Congrats on day 4 Dave have you joined the class of February its very welcoming
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
Here's some other useful links Dave
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
Here's some other useful links Dave
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm so glad to see you came back and thank you so much for posting this. It's such a great reminder and you've helped a lot of people today...at one month today, you've certainly helped me.
Wishing you success!
Wishing you success!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome back Dave!! I have been on and off SR for a few years too, and wish I would have stopped earlier, 32 days for me today, and I am not going to let myself fall back into that cycle again.
Do you have any other supports besides SR?
Do you have any other supports besides SR?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
In your initial post, you said you were ready to get sober and seemed more interesting in maintaining your social sphere.
I hope this time you are ready to completely abstinent and are willing the make the changes--the big changes--necessary to support that decision.
I hope this time you are ready to completely abstinent and are willing the make the changes--the big changes--necessary to support that decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Dayton, Oh
Posts: 124
Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I'm finding it so much easier this time. I'm no longer scared to let go of the old me. If I find I don't enjoy my activities without drinking anymore then I am prepared to find new hobbies. I guess it's the old adage about one door closing and a new one opening that keeps me in high spirits.
I'm going to have so much more free time to accomplish things. Between the hours wasted just drinking by myself and watching TV and movies (half of which I don't even remember watching) and sleeping in and being worthless most of the next day, I can give more time to things that are important to me. My children, my wife, my pets, and myself. I've longed to do more with my life and now I can start the pursuit of that challenge.
Thanks again everyone!
I'm going to have so much more free time to accomplish things. Between the hours wasted just drinking by myself and watching TV and movies (half of which I don't even remember watching) and sleeping in and being worthless most of the next day, I can give more time to things that are important to me. My children, my wife, my pets, and myself. I've longed to do more with my life and now I can start the pursuit of that challenge.
Thanks again everyone!
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