christinastar10

Hello,

So my xabf just told me he may have Aspergers. He said he was told this when he was in his inpatient program in May. My xabf is suppose to see a doctor sometime next week to see if they diagnose him. Keep in mind my xabf says hes not an alcoholic and he has been drinking. I've have done some reading on Aspergers and he does Have similar traits.

Has anyone have love ones with Aspergers that can give some insight?

Thanks!!

Croissant

A lot of people present with some range of Aspergers traits, but until he is diagnosed by a specialist in Aspergers, you will just be guessing.

Either way, it's not a reason for him to drink and based on what you've said before, he does whatever he can to avoid admitting he's an alcoholic.

christinastar10

Hi Crosisant!

Yes I agree with you about the drinking. I told him "if alcohol wasn't the problem then you should be able stop drinking." He just kept quite!!! I know he's an alcoholic.

I'm not familiar with Aspergers. So I thought I ask about it. I guess time will tell and let's see if he even sees a doctor anytime soon.

Croissant

To be honest, I wouldn't think or worry too much about it. Other than the fact it could be passed onto your son. But don't let your mind race ahead and get pulled into his crazy justifications for drinking.

I see either way, it's him who has to deal with it first, and he could be using it as a way to deflect the conversation from the real problem, alcohol.

NWGRITS

I have Aspergers. Those who are more severely afflicted will sometimes self-medicate to cope with the sheer amount of energy it takes to try to be normal. But they're still two separate issues.

onceuponatime2

My youngest son has Asperger's. He doesn't have any addiction problems. He does have anxiety, and has attended different types of therapies throughout his life such as speech to address language issues, occupational therapy to address sensory issues and a social skill class.

His father, my husband, is an alcoholic and shows shadowing of Asperger's Syndrome. He has been an alcoholic ever since I have known him. I really do think the two are separate though because my husband has a lot of behaviors that I am sure have to do with his drinking. My son would never behave in a manner that my alcoholic husband has.

caboblanco

how do you identify somebody with aspergers? i mean is it only something a specialist can do..or is it easy to see?

NWGRITS

I was just diagnosed at 30, casoblanco. This was after my DD6 went through evaluations for Autism. I always knew I was different. I spent my life being called weird, a freak, strange. There are varying degrees of Aspergers. I would be considered more high-functioning than many others, but we the energy I've expended just trying to fit in with normal people has taken its toll on me. It's especially hard for women, as we try much harder than men to fit in. There are many resources out there for adults with Aspergers, but studying women is a new aspect of it. Really fascinating stuff, if you're into this kind of thing.

Yurt

I have a close friend that I suspect may have some of the markers for Aspergers, and I have read some info here that might be helpful: Does My Husband Have Asperger's? A Spouse's Guide to Understanding Asperger's
No alcohol issues with my friend; he has just been described as "off-kilter"
I find him to be extremely sweet and refreshingly honest.

Tansy

My exah has Aspergers. The drinking is not part of it but he claims it helps with his anxiety. I have two children with AS too and they don't drink at all.

caboblanco

I know a guy..he is my bother in laws brother...everybody hates him and thinks he's an a hole...I was wondering if somebody has no idea of the way he is perceived..is that a symptom?

jarp

I think you should do some reading about aspergers and 'being on the autism spectrum' before you suggest that "being an a**hole " and "everybody hating" is a characteristic of it.

My dad had high functioning autistism (aspergers but with low intelligence). He wasn't an alcoholic. In fact I only saw him drink for the first time when he was in his late 60's.

onceuponatime2

Please do not associate someone with a negative personality trait as someone having autism. My son is very sweet and honest to a default. There have been times he has had to be protected from so called "normal" people throughout his life.

caboblanco

this guy has nothing to do with anybody else with aspergers...i was just telling you what the perception was...and if not seeing how one is perceived by others as being a trait of the disorder...i don't think he's a a hole myself

jarp

I'm not sure what your point is then caboblanco.

People with aspergers have personalities just as broad and varied as people who are neurotypical. Some of them are the sweetest people imaginable, and some are 'a-holes'.

I know plenty of a-holes who are also neurotypical.

caboblanco

alright...the point has nothing to do with him being an a-hole but obviously this is to sensitive of a subject and you missed the point..the point is he doesn't seem to percieve hoe other people perceive him through body language and passive aggressive behavior....

certainly people with or without aspergers can be anywhere on the sweet and dandy to a-hole spectrum......sorry I asked

Rosalba

I know several people with a diagnosis of Asperger's. They are quite open about it, and clearly struggle with boundaries in everyday life. They have varying degrees of functionality.

And guess what - NOT ONE OF THEM IS AN ALCOHOLIC! Or, come to that, an a-hole!

NWGRITS

One of the traits of AS *can be* lack of a filter, which we all know can lead to brutal honesty and hurt feelings. I've been called a heartless b*tch because I don't get why people are so extremely sad when their cat or dog dies. I personally don't relate to animals like they're people. It's just the way I'm wired. We don't have animals because I have no desire to care for them. Empathy is something many AS people struggle with, but it doesn't always manifest equally. I have plenty of empathy for human beings. It's a complicated thing to understand.

Croissant

Being totally oblivious could be a range of disorders, narcissist, border line personality etc.

I think the point is, using the word a$$hole as a sweeping term to suspect someone has Aspergers is offensive. I know that probably reflects your ignorance on the subject, and you didn't mean to be offensive, but many people are antisocial when they drink, it has nothing to do with being on the autism spectrum. I hope that clarifies.

jarp

I also think that a lot of people who people might label a-holes are not aware that they are perceived that way, and they certainly aren't on the spectrum.

In fact it's rare that I've met someone who actually says "I know I am an a-hole"!!

Self awareness and awareness of others is a part of emotional intelligence. There's plenty of low EQ people out there....and again, they are not all autistic!